Have a Little Faith

Twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38 when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate. Their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air. They could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there. They were filled with such joy; they didn't know what to say. They remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day. “where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse. “This is heaven" declared a small boy. "We’re spending Christmas at God's house”. When what to their wondering eyes did appear, but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near. He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same. Then He opened His arms and He called them by name. And in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring those children all flew into the arms of their King and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace, one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face. And as if He could read all the questions she had He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad. “then He looked down on earth, the world far below He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe, then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand, “Let My power and presence re-enter this land! “May this country be delivered from the hands of fools” “I’m taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools! “Then He and the children stood up without a sound. “Come now my children let me show you around. “Excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran. All displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can. And I heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight, “in the midst of this darkness,” I AM STILL THE LIGHT."

~Author unknown

I was raised a Christian. I think that is what got me through the darkest times in my young life. But, in my adult years I have found myself, not straying from Christianity, but being less involved and apparently developing a skewed sense of what being a Christian means. After my sister passed away I found myself praying to God to bring her back, praying that I'd get to see her again, praying that she'd come see me, even in the afterlife. I was praying for all the wrong things. It dawned on me that I was wishing, and not praying...there's a big difference. 

As I watched the news last week after the Clackamas Town Center shooting I felt so bad for not only the victims of the gunshots, but the victims who witnessed these things, and experienced such emotional trauma. My heart ached for the people whose lives were lost, but I found my tears flowing faster at the exhaustive descriptions that were being given in interviews by the people who survived the shootings. It was then that I realized that I had no idea what I was supposed to pray for. For the survivors? Sure. For the ones who died? Of course. For the shooter? I didn't know. 

And, then, just 3 days after the mall shooting, as if the emotional toll couldn't get worse, we hear of one of the most devastating massacres in US history. A gunman forced his way into a rural elementary school with the intent of committing a crime unlike anyone could imagine - He shot 20 beautiful young children, and 8 adults, including his own mother. WHY?!! Why would someone allow such a thing to happen? How could he do this? WHY did God allow this to happen??? What could make someone so angry or upset that he would go out of his way to enter the school to do this to so many people? I cried. And I cried and cried and cried. Those beautiful young children and those brave teachers gone in an instant at the hands of a mad man...or child, depending on your opinion. 

In times like these I question what I am supposed to do, and what is real. I question the purpose of our lives and the meaning behind religion. What do I pray for if things like these can't be prevented? Why should I pray if nothing changes and losses are so great that we can't find purpose to live? I honestly asked myself these questions last Friday, and I was surprised to find that I was answering my own question without even thinking about it. 

Since the school massacre, I've been praying...almost non-stop. I pray every time my children walk out the door. I pray every time my husband leaves the house. I pray at night. I pray during the day. It's not that I'm putting an extra effort in to praying. I just am. I catch myself saying a prayer that God keeps them safe during the day. I pray that he gives them courage to do what's best should they be subject to such cruelty. I pray that the teachers and the school staff are never put in a position as the teachers at Sandy Hook Elementary were. I pray that God finds a way to help these ill minded souls so that there isn't another attempt at making the history books. I pray for the madness to stop. I can't express enough how much i dislike having to worry about my children going to school, or to the mall or to the movies. It's awful that we adults have to bear such a burden of worry. It's not fair that we've had to develop this sense of fear for wherever our children are and whatever they're doing and with whom. Nothing's changed, yet, everything's changed. 

Tomorrow, according to the Mayan calendar, is suppose to be the end of the world as we know it. I don't believe it. But, there are many that do. I think that may have something to do with the recent ill fated events in our country. 

So, to answer my own questions: I don't know why people do such things. I don't know why people don't get the help they need to fight off the demons in their mind. I don't know why horrors like this happen. But I do know now that, no matter what happens, a little faith can heal the wounds, and a little prayer never hurt anyone. So, I pray.........

Five Golden Rings

First of all, I obviously have been busy up the wazoo....my last post was October 24th. However, I have sat down and began this blog so many times that I had to empty my drafts page because there were too many entries. Haha. 

So, a few months ago I smelled what seemed like urine in the main bathroom. This IS the bathroom that all the kids use, as well as all the guests that come in our home. I figured it was safe for me assume that my kids had peed all over everything and I missed a spot or two. So, after a deep scrub down of the floors and the toilet itself I left the bathroom believing that the smell was gone. I went back in after a while and found the smell still lingering in the air. O-kaaaay.
I deep cleaned the tub and sink thinking MAYBE that awful smell could be coming from that. (Not sure why I thought that, but I did.) Nope, not it. Alrighty, then. I began my online hunt for sources of stinky smells in the bathroom. The list was endless. But, the one thing that kept repeating was the possibility of a toilet wax ring needing to be replaced. (That, and blaming women for trying to do something that only men should do. HA!) Corey had just replaced this some weeks before the smell began, so I thought (double haha) that maybe it had been installed incorrectly and just needed a replacement. I looked up how to do it myself, because, it was now July and my husband was full force in the harvest season. I wasn't going to bother him with something as petty as the replacement of a wax ring. I did it myself. It took hours, and it was gross. But, it made sense - The smell, that is. It made sense that the smell was probably coming from a leak in the wax seal and that all it needed was a little replacement. The next day, the bathroom smelled again. Well, shit. Hard headed as I am, I just figured that since it was my first time replacing such a thing that I did it wrong. I went and bought another ring and spent another day doing what I now think is one of the worst jobs ever. The next day that damn bathroom still smelled. Seriously? Could I have really done this wrong TWICE? I told Corey about the smell and he said he couldn't smell anything. Since Katie backed him up and said she smelled nothing, too, I honest to God began to question my sense of smell, and my sanity. A few months back I swore (still do) that I smelled something coming from a vent in our house that had to have been a dead animal, like a mouse. They both smelled nothing then, too. Anyways. because they were so certain that there was no smell, I quit worrying and went about my business. I left it that way for a few more weeks. Still, I smelled it. No matter how often, how deep or how hard that bathroom was cleaned, that smell WAS there. At this point we had reached the middle of October.  Because nobody would believe me, I decided to take that toilet up and inspect it myself. What was causing such a horrible smell?? I found nothing, once again, so I replaced the wax ring again, in hopes that, despite it not working for the past three times, it would work this time. It didn't. This time I actually hurt my elbow, and I felt something happen in my arm as I pulled the toilet up. In pain and frustrated that it wasn't working for me, I couldn't take it anymore, so I decided to raise a ruckus about it. After dragging my husband and daughter in and forcing them to smell every inch of that bathroom to smell what I could smell, they finally said it. "I smell it!!" I think I nearly collapsed from the exhaustion of just trying to get them to believe me! Anyways, it was decided that because it had been 8 years, it was likely that the septic tank needed to be pumped. So, I got someone out here to pump it. I got momentarily excited that the smell would be gone, but, the following day it was still there. Shaking my head in such disappointment at this point, unsure of what to do next, Corey decided to replace the pipes because, the likelihood of a small pipe leak seemed more prevalent now. There were no leaks under the house and the floor seemed to be fine because it didn't seem smooshy. Two days before we were set to head out of town for a few days, Corey began detaching the pipes, doing whatever it took to unglue the pipes that were glued together to prepare for the installation of new pipes. Seemed easy enough, right? Nothing is ever that easy with us.EVER! The pipes were so off the wall extraordinary that he couldn't do it. So, he called a plumber. Unfortunately, the plumber couldn't come until we got back - So while we were gone grandma and the four kids had to share one bathroom. That wasn't good. We returned from our trip and began working immediately to fix that sucker. The plumber came out to inspect it, and we discovered that the sub floor under the linoleum was actually quite water damaged, and if we didn't replace it we might find ourselves sitting on the toilet under the house. Corey tore up it all up and replaced the sub floor. In preparation to put the new flooring on top, we called the plumber to come back and replace that pipe. We thought things couldn't get any worse. We were wrong! Upon arriving, the plumber proceeded to tell us that he couldn't see under the house before and that the pipe that had been installed when we first put our house in was so WRONG that he couldn't fix it. He'd actually have to "Frankenstein" some new pipes together to make them work. This required another visit another day. FOR. SHITS. SAKE!!! He finally returned, got a new pipe in and Corey got that new flooring on. It was beautiful! But, but, but?!?! Yeah, that smell was STILL there. I was on the verge of completely gutting that thing or burning and rebuilding. But, out of desperation Corey and I smelled everywhere in that bathroom, including the wall behind the toilet. It was THERE!! There...we found the source. Apparently (duh) matte finish paint in the bathroom is not good, because if your potty training little boy misses the pot and splashes on the wall, even if you clean it it's already so absorbed into that wall that it will only become bad when, years down the road, the smell begins to release into the air and a crazy, sensitive nosed wife hunts desperately to find the answers. It was now the end of November, and we were so tired of that bathroom. Corey put up an antibacterial primer and, Voila! The smell was gone.. Right? Well, almost. We've primed, repainted, replaced moulding, and scrubbed ever inch of that bathroom. The smell is mostly gone - There's just enough now to mess with us. It's like that bathroom's saying "Yeah, you can't get it all! I'm still here, suckas!!" New flooring, no leaks, scrubbed toilet, disinfected and painted walls......thank goodness for super smelly candles!! lol And, little boys who are no longer potty training in my house!!

Whatever it is, I'm done with it. It's hardly noticeable, but, Corey and I were face first in it for so long, we smell it even in it's minuscule amounts. And, in light of the holiday season, I realized that we replaced that golden ring 5 times since July.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me;
12 wasted washcloths
11 days of labor
10 ruined bath towels
9 feet of new pipe
8 feet of flooring
7 new flange screws
6 smelly candles
5 golden wax rings
4 new strips of seal
3 caulk tubes
2 cans of paint
And a bathroom that's usable now!! 

You and Me Baby We're Stuck Like Glue

or·ner·y  (ôrn-r)

adj. or·ner·i·er, or·ner·i·est

Mean-spirited, disagreeable, and contrary in disposition; cantankerous.

Corey: "How was school today, Cooper?"

Cooper: "Well, I didn't lick anybody today, so, it was good."

((I proceed to hang my head with a laugh that only a mother knows))

My children are ornery. Well, they are at the moment. They fight, they fib, they antagonize, they push, they tattle, they hide things, they hit.....All bad things that siblings do, they do. But, in the end, when all is said and done, and they're getting in trouble, they feel pretty sorry for their actions. I still use the threat that "Santa knows all you've done. Just remember that." It seems to work, for the most part. I mean, what kid dares to test Santa's naughty list? I'll give you a hint: Their names begin with M, R and C. 

On Friday night Corey got a call from his Sister, Kim, who is a teacher at Cooper's school. She talked about this, and that and after a couple of minutes asked Corey "Did Cooper tell you what happened at school today?" He hadn't, so, she proceeded to tell us. Apparently while in class doing art, Cooper and his friend David (pronounced Dah-veed) got up from his chair to get something out of his cubby. While up, Cooper decided to smear a glue stick all over his chair. Fortunately for David, the teacher saw this, and was able to stop him from sitting in a mucky pile of glue. She asked Cooper why he did it and he replied "I just wanted him to be stuck by me forever!!" All in good nature, of course, but a slight orneriness in the mix. Still, it was a major infraction at school, and he was sent to the principals office. Unbeknownst to him, his Aunt Kim was the interim principal that day. He walked in, head hung, crocodile tears flowing, and faced his Auntie, who, had to maintain her stance at that moment, while discussing the importance of not acting so stinky. She said it took everything in her power to not laugh, because, as his aunt, she sees the humor and cleverness in his actions....I imagine, he reminded her quite a bit of her own little brother. :)

So, just to clarify the first part of this blog, yes, Cooper licked someone. We don't know why, and neither does he. But, he was warned to keep his tongue to himself. He's spent a few recesses on "detention" and has been in the "thinking chair" more times than he can remember. We're not really sure why his orneriness has decided to show itself now, especially since he's entered Kindergarten and needs to show that he can follow rules. I don't encourage his actions, and I fear that in this streak he's on, I'll get another call in the future.....although, I HOPE not!! 

So, Kindergarten has brought my son out of his sweet little boy shell.  His first two days of school were filled with "cougar coupons," awards for good behavior. They are being replaced with "pink slips" and trips to the principals office. I'm not quite sure what to do just yet, because, every time we question his behavior, he's got a perfectly good answer. A clever answer. It's almost like talking to Corey, sometimes. Two clever, intelligent, creative males in this house who are perfectionists? I think my game plan is about to change! 

Momentary Indiscretions

Katie decided to explain to us a situation that she came across where she made a high schooler apologize to a 6th grader on her bus the first week of school. She said that the girl, who is "eclectically outgoing" told this poor, young, innocent kid that she wanted him to be her friend. Naturally, the boy said "no." The girl then proceeded to cal him names and antagonize him with words and phrases that were, according to Katie, obviously unfamiliar to this little guy. Seeing his discomfort, and the blatant use of words that Katie disapproved of, she told the girl to stop, and to apologize to him for saying such things. When we asked her what the girl said she whispered, "It's bad. It starts with the letter 'C'." Naturally, our open discussions became a waterfall of endless derogatory words that started with 'C." But, after listing every single derogatory word we could think of, bad to not-so-bad, we just couldn't figure out what this girl called the boy that was so bad that Katie wouldn't say it. The curious parents we are, we insisted that she tell us right away what was said. After MUCH hesitation, she whispered "crackhead." WHAT? That is the swear word that she couldn't say? I KNOW she's heard much worse, either by other kids or on TV. But, THIS was the word that sent her over the edge? Two things struck me at that moment. First, good on us for instilling such foul language barriers, that, when my daughter hears something like that, she is appalled. Second, poor her for thinking that THAT is the worst she's likely to hear over the next four years. We laughed hysterically both at the fact that she didn't react on the foul words she heard the girl say, and again at all the words, nearly all of them unknown to her, that we inadvertently burned into her brain when trying to figure out what word made her so upset. I think we had a moment of mixed good and bad parenting at that moment. I guess we'll see.

Several months ago Katie lost her phone due to a momentary indiscretion. I've heard that before - Oh, yes, that's what Kristen Stewart calls her affair to her Snow White and The Huntsman director Rupert Sanders. Well, her indiscretion was not as bad, but enough for us to keep her phone. She lost it in May and never was able to touch it again until she returned from California the end of August. She is still not allowed to take it with her anywhere, but uses it on occasion here at home. She has been working hard trying to prove to us how responsible she can be, in order to regain it. Yeah, I know, 5 months is a long time to take away a phone from a kid, but she deserved it. I do see that she has been working hard to regain trust. Corey doesn't ever want her to have the phone again, but, I thought at some point she'd probably get it back. But, this week something happened that made me think about it a little more. Katie seemed down, and we asked her what was bothering her. She went down a list that was everything from nerves from the first week of school, to the pressure and anxiety she was feeling for having to change classes two weeks in (she was misplaced in math and she needed a higher level.) And then she said the one thing that we, her uber-social parents, nearly fell over about. "I need my cell phone because it's so much easier to talk to people that way. You text them, they text you and you never have to say a word to anyone." OH, BOY. And, she's not the only one who feels that way. All but ONE friend she has will be texting, texting, texting and texting until they have calluses on their hands when they come over. They text boys. They text friends. Hell, they even text each other in the SAME ROOM! What in the world has happened to our kids, that they think the only way to communicate appropriately with people is via text? I'll tell you what it is - It's the dependence on cell phones that our society has made kids think they need. I have a cell phone. I use it. But you're not going to catch me doing all my communication on there. I have friends who I text, and sometimes it's because I KNOW they're in a place that they can't talk, but I want to get them a message. But, I have NO problem calling someone to chat with them. That is how we communicate with people.....we talk. But our teenagers are confused. They don't have the speaking skills that we were made to develop at their age. They walk the halls with their cell phones, using them to speak to each other, hiding behind the wall of the digital era. It's not okay. They're not going to be okay. Therefore, it is decidedly so that Katie will not have that phone returned just yet. And, if friends come into this house, they should respect our wishes for verbal forms of communication. This is a problem, and when our kids think that this is the "best" way to talk to people, we're in trouble. Because, in a few years, when they're all able to vote, they won't know how to "voice" their opinion. And, for all we know, they'll vote in Miley Cyrus to run our country. Help me help these kids - Make them talk. Make them realize how much damage they're creating for themselves. I'm doing it for Katie's future; for her success. How successful will your kids be? At least give it a try. Katie's gone without for 5 months. She's had moments of upset. But, when she wants to talk to someone, she can just call them. We made it through our younger years without cell phones and our kids can, too. Tell them for one week to use their phones for emergencies only. If they need a ride, or they will be late, have them CALL you. Have them CALL their friends. I wonder what you'll discover if you take that privilege away from your kids for a week. I discovered that my kid can actually talk....and it's nice. I missed that.

I Love a Rainy Night

For five years I have been a stay at home mom. And, for five years, my social life pretty much went to crap. I did have a bunco group that I've been a part of that, unfortunately, recently dissolved. But, aside from that I haven't gone out much, and have turned down invitations to go out, or even left gatherings early to relieve whichever family member had been recruited for the evening to take on the task of corralling all 4 children.

At the end of the school year last year we got a call from a girl who was a student of Corey's brother at Hood River High school - Her name is Anii. She informed Corey that she was given our number because we were looking for a babysitter and she was available. Funny thing, though, we weren't!! We SHOULD have been, and had discussed it, but, had not taken action, really. So, the brother in law gave our number to someone who he thought would be a good fit for our family - Or, maybe that was his way of saying "GET A REAL SITTER!"
Long story short: We hired her, we love her and she's been our sitter for any dates or outings that we've had this entire Summer.

This, as you can imagine, didn't sit well with Katie. Here she is, 14 years old, and we've hired a 16 year old to come in, sometimes while she was here, to babysit the younger kids. After Katie returned from California, something in her had changed - something good. She was suddenly WANTING to talk to us, WANTING to help us and WANTING to have new levels of responsibility sent her way. Her first babysitting experience was for my brother and sister in laws 3 month old son Ren. Now, you can imagine how nervous I was over this, and hesitated significantly at first. But, when I asked Katie how she felt about it she became excited and was more than willing to take on this task. Okay. I let her do it...surprise, surprise; she did fine. And, so, we've tested her a couple of times with her own siblings, last night being her first "late night" while Corey and I were out with friends. After a banter of texts back and forth, us checking on her, her getting disgusted with the 30 minute check ins, she did it!!! And, I'm so proud...Thanks, Katie!

So, about last night;

Corey and I attended a gathering at a friend's house this weekend to celebrate the completion of their new shop. They hired a band, PHOENIX, to play, and man, were they good!! They rocked it, and many of the 80 plus people there were dancing and having a blast. Jello shots were passed around, and Marcie came up with a new drink concoction that was so yummy I had two. (4 smashed raspberries, 2oz citrus vodka, 2oz triple sec, and a top of of 7up) I'm sure the one Marcie made was a little stronger than mine, but I was sunburned after tending a garage sale all day yesterday, and wasn't up for being in pain inside and out!! Anyways, the night started fine, with a little wind at our backs. But, as the evening progressed I noticed the dark clouds heading in. Eventually came the thunder and lightning (HORRIBLE for the fire in White Salmon being battled) and then, at 10PM, just moments after the band stopped for an intermission, the rain began - And, not just any rain - I mean, these drops were HUGE. It has not rained in 3 months, and it was 90 degrees yesterday with few clouds, so the band had set up outside with no cover. No one ever thought it would rain!!  Everyone ran to the shop and the band members scrambled to gather and protect their electronics. It was slightly chaotic for a few moments. But, all chaos and worry went out the door when I saw everyone gathered in this shop, trying to stay dry and stay out of the way of the band. Outside, in the dark, everyone was glistening, people were dancing like they were on So You Think You Can Dance - after all, it was pretty dark out there on the "dance floor" and it was all about pure, unrestricted fun.  But, inside under the fluorescent lights everyone was just as they were. People looked haggard - Like it had been a REALLY hard day! Haha!  The glistening wasn't a glow, but the sweat from dancing. The hairs that, in the dark looked well put together were actually quite tousled.  Nobody was dancing inside, but everyone was talking and having a good time. Nobody cared how each other looked. The laughter resumed and in no time the music had been turned back on. It was too much for the band to set everything up again, so they packed up and left. THIS was fun. This was real, and I enjoyed being out with my friends just being......us. I loved meeting new people and having grown up conversations. The food was wonderful, the drinks were a plenty and the music was right. Heaven knows that if this was a group of twenty somethings they would have all ran to their cars to leave when the rain began. This was a very nice way to end a Saturday night.

So, thank you to Katie for staying home with the kids so we could go out. Thank you to the Zorza's for hosting such fun (and to Kris for protecting my honor in Corey's dream,) and thank you to everyone who made it a memorable night out for me - I've been out more in the past 3 months than the past 5 years....I like it!! Keep it comin', friends!!

Makin' Memories with Mama

It's funny how when you're younger, and you go places with your mom, sometimes you just don't "get it." A mother always has a reason behind what she does, where she takes her children and how she spends her time bonding with her children. It's no secret that my mother and I haven't been as close as a mother and daughter normally are, but, in my adulthood I've discovered her reasons for doing what she did with my sister and me as children, because, I've begun to mimic some of those things. (We always say we'll never be like our mothers, and, yet, somehow something about us always is.)

As somber as it sounds, I love visiting Willamette Cemetery in Albany, Oregon, but, for good reason; All of the relatives on my mothers side of the family are there. When I was little my mother used to take me there and we'd place flowers along the graves of aunts, uncles and grandparents. My mother and I also have something in common - We both lost a sister at a young age. You know my story with my sister, but, my mother lost her sister Beverly to cancer at 12 years old - My Mom was just 14. Beverly's grave is also there, and my mom often visited the cemetery to talk with her and reminisce. When I was younger, I just thought it was a part of what you do....Now I realize that there's a grieving process that occurs, and sometimes going to "talk" with those you've lost help to bring a sense of closure and give you the ability to move on. It's been years since I've been there, but, on the way to southern Oregon to pick up Katie a few weeks ago, I stopped by. The only sounds were the "whoosh" of cars rushing on the freeway in the far distance and the water splashing in the nearby pond. It was peaceful. I talked with my grandpa, whom I was very close with until he passed in 1999, and as I left, there was a solace within me. I felt the way my mother looked every time we left that cemetery when I was a kid. I get it now.

I told my mother about that visit just last week. Ironically enough, without her knowing I was going to be there, she traveled across the mountain from Bend a day later to visit the same place - It's been years for her, too. She also went down to the river, with my sister's urn in tow, to look for agates. We did that every morning - My mother, my sister and I - And, often, my grandpa, too - We went to the river banks of the Willamette and looked for beautiful agates. My sister and I called our mom and grandpa "rock hounds." My mother called us her "pebble puppies." As my mother reminisced on the phone with me about her little trip, she broke down into tears saying how much she wished I had been there with her, too, for old times sake. She had imagined holding our hands, my sister's and mine, while walking along the river, picking up pink, clear and yellow shiny, sparkly rocks. In a nutshell, she was dreaming of how things used to be....Those childhood memories of mine. And, in the tears she shed, I discovered, without her having to say it, that it was the realization that those times are no longer possible. Those days of simplicity are gone.

I suppose this is reminder to myself, and everyone else, for that matter, to make more memories, take more pictures, and find more special moments to leave for your children in the future. I have lots of memories with my mom and my sister, but, somehow the photographers in my family sucked just enough that I have very few "face shots" of us as kids, and no pictures of us as adults. Thank goodness I have a decent memory!! As for now, I know that some of the simple things I share with my children are the things that they'll take with them into adulthood. And, for them, those days of simplicity have just begun.

Dancing Queen

Here we are at the middle of August - The skies are dark and cloudy, the roads nearby are not bustling with farm workers and the quiet of my house has just been interrupted by three very loud little children who have suddenly decided to sword fight with their cereal spoons. Five days ago was nearly a polar opposite scene as the workers were out in the tens trimming the trees with their mariachi music blaring at 7am, the temperature had already reached 80 before dawn and the sounds of the heavy equipment surrounded our house as our driveway was being "paved" with the remnants of the recent reconstruction of highway 35.

Busy, busy week.

Yesterday I took the children to the annual 'Kids Fun Day' hosted by A Kidz Dental Zone here in Hood River. I had planned on taking the kids early (it began at 11am) to beat the 100 degree temps that were set to hit that afternoon, and stay 30 minutes or so. At 1:30 we were just finishing the BEAUTIFUL Face painting that the kids wanted and heading to the car. Yep - Two and a half hours in scorching temps, but, somehow we enjoyed every minute of it!

The kids won prizes, which helped their enthusiasm, and Rayla crashed a dance competition. My Rayla LOVES to dance, and when she heard the MC calling kids up to dance for a prize, she yelled out "I WANNA DANCE!" I said "Okay, we'll get you up there in a minute." I turned my head for a moment only to turn back and see that she had busted her chunky little butt right on stage and began dancing like a fool in front of all the little competitors! She put em' all to shame -  She was cheered on, of course, but, she eventually had to be escorted off because she WOULDN'T LEAVE!! It was hilarious! I was holding bags, t-shirts, prizes, water bottles and hands and thank goodness the beautiful little Tooth Fairy that be Hannah Hart who graciously escorted my Rayla off the stage into my arms. As Rayla ran to me, she asked "Did you see me, mom? I was dancing sooooo good, wasn't I?!?!?"

Yes, Rayla...your dancing stole the show my beautiful girl!

A year ago, or so, we had a little visitor in this house, who I never saw, but who my children named "not me." Apparently that little critter has returned, and is causing all sorts of commotion in this house. Now, as much as I hear that "Not Me" has done something, the more determined I am to find him. However, my children have informed me that no matter what I do, I'll NEVER be able to see him. (Or her, depending on who you ask.) What's even more amazing is when I call a child on something that they've done, and I saw it with my own two eyes, somehow "Not Me" still gets blamed. With tears in their eyes, they have no problem blaming him! Kinda makes me wanna scream sometimes, when I know that they've done something and they won't admit to it!! Stubborn kids....... wonder where they get that?

"Oopsie Daisies"

In a little whisper I overheard Cooper say "Hey, Rayla......I have a secret to tell you......I love you." MELT. MY. HEART!! I mean, I know that this little boy of mine is sweet, but that was beyond sweet. That was a Hallmark moment! When they talk like this, it's heavenly. Unfortunately, I have witnessed the not-so-nice side of my children's words, and I have to say that I am one, not THE only one, but one to blame for their momentary vocab indiscretions.

This momma swears...that's a given. But, I'm not a foul mouthed, rantin' and ragin' kind of girl. My most common slip up, and mocked slip up is "Oh, shit." Yeah, I could probably replace that with shoot, but somehow, when I say it, it comes out with an "i." The first time I heard that come out of Rayla's mouth, I couldn't believe it.This *cute* little pudgy three year old, with the sweetest little voice yells out "Oh, shit, mama!" when she spilled her juice on to the couch. Although it wasn't really funny, I found myself laughing quietly for a moment before I explained that she shouldn't say words like that. I told her she should say "Oh, darn" or "Oopsie Daisies!" I didn't think she saw me laugh, but apparently she did - For the next 2 weeks it was a constant phrase no matter what she did, where she went, or who we were with. One time while in the Safeway meat department she dropped a package of meat over the edge of the cart and on to the floor. Nothing happened, but, still, she yelled out "Oh, shit!!" as loud as she could, or so it seemed. Some people looked at me with eyebrows raised and lips pursed, some people quietly giggled, and one man laughed out loud hysterically. It was quite obvious that he didn't have any kids, as he is the only one who didn't understand the negative impact of his laughing at her comment. Through the rest of the store, she repeated "Oh, shit" in a sing-song voice that just killed me. I was mortified - Upset that she wouldn't stop, but, still silently laughing at the shits she was singing in her own little song. I ignored her and by the time we reached the checkout lane she had stopped. At least, if she was singing this in the store I could keep moving and people wouldn't really know what she said.. Had it continued at the checkout I couldn't move, and I was more likely to get asked how in the world I let my child talk that way!! 

So, to be clear, I DON'T let my kids talk that way. In fact, I've changed what I say. And, for several weeks now, when something unexpected and unwanted happens, we respond with "Oopsie Daisies!!" Lots nicer, especially if we're in public!!

Sometimes when my kids talk, they're talking honestly, though....and although it might not seem appropriate when they say it, it's not really about what I think, it's about how they, as children, interpret their surroundings. Allow me to share some of the past couple of months quotes from my loving children. 

As an old man with a cane and sunglasses walked by us in the pharmacy: 

"Hey, mom! That's an old man. And, he's cool with those SUN glasses on!" - Mackenzie

A woman walking in front of us at the grocery store, all my children in tow:

"Mom! That lady's butt is bigger than yours!! - My sweet boy, Cooper.

A woman wearing.....well....a tank top and shorts, but so small it looked like almost nothing: 

"Mom, why is that girl naked in the store?!?!? She's so silly!!" - Rayla

Love em' dearly. Hate being that woman with the kids who talk loud about people right in front of their faces. Oh, boy.....

Potty training is no longer my worst enemy. Actually, I kicked it's butt. Rayla is fully potty trained and Mackenzie is only a night time pullup away from completion. A few weeks ago I said, "You know what!?!? I can't do it anymore!!!" This double potty training going good for a few days take ten steps backwards start over again pee in everything all the time expensive ass pullup investment crap was taking it's toll on me. So, I just quit buying the pullups. Yep, that was it. I figured if they weren't here, they couldn't use em'! And, if they couldn't use them, since they really didn't like peeing on themselves, they'd just have to get over it and get their butts to the potty a little faster now. And IT WORKED!! 2 days in to it Rayla had no accidents and said she was ready to sleep all night in her undies. Mac took a little longer, but we did it. Now, she still has early morning accidents, hence the night time pullup, but no accidents during the day. We are now on week four of this, and I'm elated!! Not only are we saving $100 a month, but it has given them a sense of pride, and me, in a way, a sense of accomplishment. And, one less reason for them to accidentally shout out "Oh, shit!"  

A Bejeweled Guest

School's out, which means that the dream of maintaining a schedule for one's (my) sanity is temporarily put on pause for a couple of months. In the meantime, I must try to keep our kids entertained, ensuring that they don't get sunburned (apparently, here in Oregon that's not a problem), make sure that their television time is limited, and that they have enough social activities to get them from one week to the next. It's nice not to have to be somewhere. Yet, I find myself asking "what can we do?" School has now been out for 2 weeks, and so far we've stayed busy.

Today, Cooper had a friend from preschool over to visit. He's a shy guy with a little speech impediment that sometimes makes it difficult for people to understand him. Somehow, I do. Cooper and he have become friends over the past year, and it was hard for them to realize that Summer vacation meant you don't see each other again until Fall...Until KINDERGARTEN. So, this little guy's mom and I decided to have them get together this Summer, today being the first visit. A few minutes after arriving and becoming instantly petrified,  he loosened up and had a blast. While the kids were playing outside in the yard, I pulled up a lawn chair and began to play on my ipad. Before long, this little guest was coming over to me to see what I was doing. I didn't even have a chance to say anything before he began to swipe his fingers across the screen turning pages and inadvertently opening apps; he was instantly mesmerized with it. I couldn't stop him - I gently told him no, and began to pull it away only to find that no matter the direction I turned, he was still attached! I laughed out loud, because it was so much like a drug to this little guy and he just "had to have it!" I was playing bejeweled blitz, and that's just what he wanted to do. So, I let him swipe his finger, moving one glittery block after another until the colors matched and the blocks fell, causing the sweetest, most endearing burst of cheery laughter that was great enough to make me smile and cheer right along with him. A few dropped blocks in and he suddenly remembered that there was an airplane to be ridden - So off he went.

I'm looking forward to the memories and adventures that the next friend brings with them, on one of many playdates I'm sure this Summer will entail. And I can't wait for the next burst of laughter to share with em'!

Creative Origins

Many of you know that I am half Mexican. Those who just find this out often respond to me with "okay, yeah, I see it now."  ha.... I have to laugh, because I think that the fact that I don't know my Mexican history as well as I could has actually made me develop a sense of humor that some find offending. You know "who's your daddy" or "Ay papi!" kind of thing. Well, I do know who he is, and in the pictures I have of him he looks as if he probably should have played one of the main characters in Fast Times at Ridgemont high...I just don't know, nor have I ever known, where he is. There is a curiosity that remains about it all, but, at the same time do I even wanna go there?  I have noticed that my Mexican roots sometimes come out in my children, especially when they talk.  "Memmer' this?"....when Rayla says that it makes me think she must be mimicking Carlos Mencia. Maybe she's really just discovered her inner Mexican!! They can all roll their tongues (to an extent) and learning the Spanish language has been extremely easy for them all. My three younger children could pass as being part Mexican - My oldest, not so much. She's as white as snow, and tall. Most Mexicans aren't usually very tall. Because I am Mexican,  her father is....Californian (of course it's an ethnicity!! lol)  and her middle name is Rose, I have historically called her my Mexicali Rose. I do know that it's also the name of a restaurant - And if it hadn't existed before Katie was born, I might think they stole the name. Now, please don't think I'm dogging on the Mexicans. I'm not...I'm embracing the humor that be for not knowing the Mexican part of my own history. My humor and creativity that is displayed in how I present myself, and how I describe my life, comes from all angles of my history - Mexican and not.  


I'm sure going to have fun with the kids in trying to explain that they're Japanese, Finnish, Mexican and Irish....holy name....what about Japafinicanish? Finicanishanese? Irifinnijapican? Hahaha....If only!

School is out for the Summer (thank GOD) and hopefully the rush of getting here and there will ease, even if only temporarily. I can say that I'm happy I'm not fighting with my daughter every day about her HOUR long hair routine every morning. She would take a shower at night, brush out her nappy curls, get up in the morning and immediately get to working on her hair. An hour later, her hair is only scrunched up with gel and her bangs look like they've had a straightener run through it a time or two. WHY does it take an hour for her to do something that would take me FIVE minutes? Seriously, aside from the straightened bangs her hair doesn't look much different from when she actually rolled out of bed. I'm fairly certain that she's modeling in front of the mirror for 50 minutes trying to make sure that her hair looks good no matter what angle she is turned in. That doesn't work for me so well. I KNOW that people just don't give a rats ass about whether or not a single strand of hair is sticking out a little further than the others. I put my hair up in a clip almost every day. Even in high school, and my friends can attest to this, I would get on the bus with a mop top, brush it then and either whisk it up into a clip, or mousse and scrunch it up to dry naturally and freely. Not my kid. If the twins can't get their act together at that age and learn to just "let go" then I'm going to lose my mind! Two of em' pulling this crap every day would be enough for me to just shave their heads. That's the new rave, right? :)

I am quite lucky, though, that all my kids have a sense of creativity, some stronger than others. Katie is creative in the way she talks smack to us. A couple nights ago, after a suggestion from dad to go to bed early, just because, Katie wished us goodnight on her way to bed with a "Goodnight FA-THER." We laughed hysterically over this into the next day. My girls love bugs, and searching for them. So much, in fact, that many of the petals of my flowers have been removed for the sake of "looking underneath" to see if the bugs are hiding there. (sigh)....And Cooper, even at this very moment, is on a mission with invisible guns and hammers, trying to find the almighty super-fly, so that he may capture and destroy him! (I won't argue, as I hate flies...I probably won't go as far as to "capture" him, but destroy I will!!)

What are fingers for?

Have you ever experimented with your child and asked them random questions just to see what their answers would be? We're funny that way, and we have, several times over. But, as the children get older, and have a better understanding of what goes on around them, their answers have become more and more interesting, almost to the point that we think that they're honestly trying to be comedians. Allow me to share some of our most recent questions and answers from our children:




Questions asked to Cooper:


What is your chin used for?
~To keep your teeth from falling out.


What's does your belly button do?
~It makes you breathe. The air goes in your belly button and out your nose. 


What does your hair do?
~ It gets spiked.


What do boobs do?
~They tip you over. Sometimes they hold you up. (I can only assume that he's specifically referring to me, although I don't know that I've ever expressed my discern in front of him. Maybe it's just painfully obvious.)


What do brains do?
~Math. And writing. Sometimes my brain does both, especially at school. (Can't ask for better than that!)


What do fingers do?
~They help us count. And they help us wipe our butts after we poop. 
(Okay. Didn't expect that)


What does dad do?
~Nothing (Rayla)
~He breaks stuff. He builds stuff. He poops. He plays guitar. (Cooper)
~He poops. He breaks stuff. And he plays his guitar to me at night (Mackenzie)
     (I have to be honest; I have no idea where the "breaks stuff" comes in. He does do the other, however.)


What does mom do?
~Pet dogs. (Cooper)
~Yells at people. (Mackenzie)
~Makes us go to the store, and doesn't give us treats. (Rayla and Cooper; Can't argue that)




Questions asked to Rayla:


What is your belly for?
~For eating


What is your hair for?
~For eating.


What are your fingers for?
~For using to eat with. 


(I see some future problems here.)


Questions asked to Mackenzie:


What is your nose for?
~Boogies


What are fingers for?
~Gettin' boogies out.


What are your toes for?
~Kicking water in the bath.


What is your hair for?
~Holding clips


What is your tongue for?
~Licking frogs. But, it's yucky.  (Oh, boy)





Love those babies, quirky answers and all! However, I do hope, in discovering that these are the answers my children reply with, that Rayla doesn't eat her hair, Cooper makes sure to use TP on his fingers when wiping, and Mackenzie doesn't really lick frogs. Maybe I just shouldn't ask things of them anymore, as the answers might freak me out a little more than I expect!

I wanna be independent...

As the children and I planted our strawberry plants yesterday in the pots that grandpa bought them for Easter, I am bluntly reminded, probably for the fourth time yesterday, that my children are very independent. "No mom, you don't do it like this.....you do it like THIS!" Being said, of course, while the potting soil is being spread generously over my beautifully tended and healthy grass. I know, what's a little soil going to do, right? Well, it's not just that; I figure I am going to be *pleasantly* surprised in a couple of months when some strawberries begin to grow in that well manicured grass. And, then I'll have to fight the children as I try to replant it so I can mow the stinkin' grass around it. I'm not going to leave a mound of grass, dirt and strawberries in the middle of my yard. And, Heaven knows those kids are not going to let me move it without a fight.

I'm still debating with myself about whether Mackenzie is "good" at it, or "bad" at it, when it comes to wanting to be independent. She will stand her ground, arms crossed, scowl of the century on her face and refuse to budge if she is being asked to do something she doesn't want to do. Yeah, it's cute and all, but it's also enough to raise my blood pressure to steaming levels at times. This is where the drop and flail come in, along with a bloody murder scream that sends even the deafest person to their knees. (Mackenzie, not me) Amid all of her "ground standing" she's also the most communicative of all three of my girls. She E-N-U-N-C-I-A-T-E-S everything and makes sure you're listening. Think you can brush this one off? Not a chance!! She'll demand attention to the point of testing you to make sure you're paying very close attention to her (learned this the hard way.) She will ask you a direct question with the expectation that you'll answer her question correctly. If you don't, she'll call you on it. Now, coming from a 3 year old especially, this can be annoying - But, at the same time it reassures me that this little girl is going to be fine. She's going to have friends. She's going to be able to participate in groups well. She, is the person that many of us wish we could be; Direct, honest, clear, concise and despite her sometimes blatant disregard of my demands, she's as friendly as a kid could be.

Now, Rayla wants to be independent, too. But, not nearly as bad as Kenzie. Rayla will repeat her question LOUD and OBNOXIOUSLY until you've answered her. But, that's about as far as it goes. A good count to 3 gets Rayla moving in the appropriate direction - She doesn't like time out very well - And, since she has spent a fair amount of time there lately, I'm hoping that we move past this stage very, very soon.

I never knew potty training could be so stressful; I'm sure there is, but, for today, I can think of nothing worse than the painstaking task of potty training two toddler girls. I get so excited when they go in the potty, and then I get really excited when I think we're doing really well, and on the right track. Then, they regress right back to when we first began.....MONTHS ago. I've actually been half tempted to do some of the things that I've seen other people put on Facebook to try to potty train their children. I saw a picture one woman posted of her daughter, sitting on a potty chair, watching the TV with sippy cup in hand. I also saw a picture of someone asleep in the tub while their child was sitting on the potty. Somehow, "half tempted"  can't bring me to such actions. I will not allow a potty to be in the living room, for obvious reasons. Food and drink is also not allowed in a child's hand while on the potty. Seems sensible, right? And, believe you, me, I will never sit long enough in a bathroom with a child on a pot for one or both of us to fall asleep. I can't say for sure if that's just me being lazy. But, there has to be some way to get through this!!! My children are so unpredictable that it's become nearly impossible to time it right. Like today, the girls pottied  RIGHT before we walked out of the door to the Dentist office. We got to the office 15 minutes later and Rayla says "Mommy, I have to pee." Now, I was just signing them in, so she had to wait a whopping 10 seconds before we could go. By the time we got to the bathroom, 25 feet away, she had filled her pullup. Really!?!? Naturally, because I am an optimistic mommy, I left the pullup bag in the car thinking we could get through a 30 minute appointment without a pullup change. So, she bare assed it (with pants on) and I crossed my fingers and prayed that she wouldn't piss all over the Dentist's chair. She didn't, thank goodness!! But, you get my point. It's such a PAIN!

Looking back on when Katie was the twins' age, I can't remember potty training being this hard. And, quite possibly, it's because there are two children to train, not just one. But someone, you'd think that after 3 years of doing double of everything, I'd have this down. It seems that I don't. My definition of independence seems to have gotten a little skewed over the past few years...and it really has nothing to do with a solid definition set in a Webster's Dictionary. I have learned that independence is different for every one of us; And patience is a virtue.

Ladies First!

For the past few years I've blogged about my kids getting sick. And, for some reason, they get sick more often than many other kids we know. My house is clean, and is by no means an abnormal harbor for unusual bacteria. And, when I say "my house is clean", I mean I sweep, vacuum, wash down everything and try to keep up on laundry, DAILY. It's cluttered. I've got kids, it's going to look like a hurricane
went through on most days. I suppose that this is what I get for bragging that Katie NEVER got sick.

Lucky for me the doctor's office is quite patient with me. Every person in there, billing, triage, the nurses and the doctors all know me and all

my kids by first name. For obvious reasons, that's a good and a bad thing. My kids love the doctor's office. They know how to get there, point it out every time we drive by, and get upset when they're not the ones going in to see the doctor. They get excited to see the toys, the books and then get excited all over again when their names get called to go back. Who likes going to the doctor, really? My kids are just weird, I guess.

Kenzie has had some problems with UTI's since she was an infant, and yesterday she ended up back at the doc's to evaluate another one. Ugh. This was the first time that any of my children have shown signs of a fear of peeing. We had been given a pee hat to use, but somehow that appeared off putting to her. We tried the hat on the toilet (like it should be used), and I even tried to have her squat on it. Well, after a couple minutes of grunting (I really though she was trying to pee) I look down to find that she h

as pooped in the pee hat. Okay. Yeah, that just doesn't work. For nearly 40 minutes I talked it up, I coaxed, I offered treats to Mackenzie before she finally decided to drip into a cup. Apparently, when pee fear is present, I need to NOT act like she needs to go, ignore her and when I hear a dribble in the toilet, stick the cup under as fast as I can to catch some pee. By the end of that forty minutes I honest to God felt like I had just conquered a task which would soon reward me with ribbons and whistles. Still waiting....

The newest thing my girls have introduced me to is their wet noodle drop, accompanied by a scream at any place, at any time, and for any reason. Some of the instances these displays of Yakisoba have been present, just in the past two weeks, include: Leaving the ball park. Leaving a park. Leaving Meemaw's. Leaving home. Walking into the store. Walking out of the store. Going the wrong direction (according to Kenzie) in the grocery store. Turning the wrong direction (again, according to Kenzie) while driving. Now, if you can imagine the wet noodle in the car, that's when, between the screams and flails, their noodle-iscious selves wriggle out of their car seat and onto the floor. Yes, I stop the car. Yes, I am angry when this happens. Yes, I have laughed at it, too. The best part though? A double noodle throw down. Two noodles is a good show. Two, loud, screaming noodles hanging on my arm as I attempt to drag them to the car has to be the best show I've hosted so far. The noodles even dropped in the middle of the road...I was so proud to be their mom that day!! (Pure sarcasm, there, folks!)) My ass isn't particularly look worthy, but, I bet that nearly everyone in the ballpark that day was pretty happy to see my ass as it meant we were leaving.

It gets better. I'm sure of it. In a couple of years they won't scream. They won't act out. They won't noodle up on me. I've got spaghetti sauce ready for the next show, though. :)

And, my momma brag for the day. First of all, my Katie made honorable mention with a 3.2 gpa. Way to go, girl!! And Cooper; I am happy to say that a couple of weeks ago my son schooled a 6 year old in manners, instructing a boy to say "please" and "thank you" when asking me for something. And, then I was slapped in the face at that whole manners thing when, at tee ball practice last week, one dad said to the kids "ladies first" referring to allowing the girls to hit the ball first. One boy says "My dad says that all the time at home." Coopers response? "Not mine!"

I'm Every Woman!

Happy International Women's Day! Today, we celebrate woman, and all that they (we) do. As an homage to the women in my life, I wanted to take a moment to recognize some of the women who have inspired me. Here is a list of 10 women who made an impact on my life at some point.

1.) My Grandma Mabel. Without her, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. She is the other half of the whole that raised me well; With good old fashioned manners, with love, with respect, with intelligence and with the passion to do my best in whatever I put my heart to.

2.) My Mother Darlyne. In my younger years she struggled to find who she was, which in turn made it difficult for her to guide me into who I needed to be. Lucky for her, I had some strong bloodlines that helped to keep my head above water. Now that I'm an adult, and I see how hard it is, I admire her for overcoming the years in her life that dragged her down, and staying strong through the saddest part of her life. She's proof in the pudding that addictions can be overcome, and inner strength is much more inspirational that physical strength.

3.) My sister Bobbie. In our younger years, together, we found the thrill in discovering things outdoors. It was her reckless abandon mixed with my fear of getting in trouble that helped me to discover that, without just doing it, you'll never know what the outcome might be. In light of that, I wonder how many times God has rolled his eyes at her when she's decided she's going to do something.

4.) Mariah Carey. Yeah, that almost seems juvenile. But, she was part of the reason that I fell in love with singing. Her five octave voice, and impeccable vocals were something out of a storybook when I was a teenager. Her music wasn't vulgar, and her songs were inspirational. To an impressionable girl like myself, she was everything. And that's probably why I still admire her today.

5.) Amelia Earhart. A woman who could fly. What else is there to say? Her person stands for much more than a woman in the cockpit of an airplane. She brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "You'll never know if you never try."

6.) Michelle Obama. No, I haven't known of her for long, but what a woman she is! Not only can she dress well, she is not just about the inside lines of politics. She's out on the front-lines being a mom, and one hell of a spokesperson for schools to promote good health choices in children. It's nice to see her doing what she does. And, aside from the fact that she faced unknown amounts of criticism, you know, with her husband being the first black president and all, she has made every effort to ensure that their children have not been put in harms way of paparazzi. They have two daughters, right? :)

7.) Princess Diana. Her daughter in law is headed in the right direction, for sure. But, who can say that whenever they look at any picture of Diana, there isn't a natural ambiance of royalty? She oozed royalty - And she acted it, too. In every story, in every picture, in every tale told of her, she is what all us girls ever dreamed of being. And, despite the scandalous royal divorce, she was as graceful as any woman I've ever seen in such a circumstance. Divorces are tough, I know....But she never faltered in the spotlight. And that takes one strong woman.

8.) Lizzie Lehmer. She and I met in the 4th grade at Boise/Eliot Elementary school in Portland. I was a poor kid, new to the area and pretty weird to most. In fact, I had a hard time making friends that first year - It was when the gangs, the Bloods and the Crips, were as present as air in the neighborhoods. It was uncomfortable for me to be around such a thing....But, Lizzie became my friend. She stood up for me when I was picked on, and she welcomed me into her home, into her family - She didn't have to, but she did. Not all friends last a lifetime, but, some are so important to hold on to, and she's one of them. Without her, I might not have done nearly as well as I did. We are still friends today, and I'm so glad we are.

9.) Maija Yasui. I'm fairly certain that this woman is not just an inspiration to me...She's got a long history of being there for a lot of people, for a lot of reasons! Most women fear even the words "mother in law." But, she makes it easy not to. Without her, many days of my past 5 years would not have been doable. And, she's not only been there in a physical sense, but an emotional sense too. The night I found out that my sister was missing she came to the house and found me in worst shape than I've ever been in; Delirious, empty, non-present. She hugged me and consoled me like a mother would. I've always remembered that moment.... I'm so glad that I have a mother in law as wonderful as her. I wish every woman had such a gift.

10.) Stephanie Meyer. I am not ashamed to say that I fell absolutely in love with the Twilight Saga. I know, you're probably thinking "Really? Stephanie Meyer?" But, hear me out. Here is this stay at home mom, plugging along every day doing her thing....you know, the cooking, the cleaning, the butt wiping....and she has a dream. A dream about a girl who falls in love with a vampire. And she made it come to life in her books. In the past 5 years as a stay at home mom, I have had all sorts of dreams that could have easily been put into story. But, she made it happen. And, like any stay at home mom, it's the desire to have your silent dreams come true that makes that woman all the more inspirational to me.

As you can imagine, there are more than just ten inspirational women in my life. But, I thought these were the ones to share. All of them have made an impact on me that have made , or could make, my life all the more interesting. So recognize women today. It's our day. It's your day.

You can't do that standing up!

I am momentarily taking a break from one of, in my opinion, the worst parts of parenting little ones. The snot. Yes, all three little ones are currently drowning in snotsville, and, though we're trying to get the whole blowing your nose thing down, it's still a disgusting mess. Actually, for some reason, this time around I'm not doing so bad. In the past I've been known to gag, walk away and even vomit. Snotty noses are not my strong suit! At the current moment I have them all lathered in Vicks BabyRub...So I'm not completely sure how much of that shiny stuff on their faces is Vicks, and what's snot. Here's to hoping it ends soon so I don't have to be question it!

Next week we will be registering Cooper for Kindergarten. YIKES!! I can't believe that he's almost 5, and that he'll be in "big kid" school. Just doesn't seem real. I guess it's even harder to believe that the girls will be in preschool this Fall. Oh, Boy......Double trouble for those poor teachers! Cooper's preschool teacher has been so wonderful in helping him to get ready for Kindergarten, and we're absolutely excited for him to take on this new adventure. I must say, though, that whomever his teacher will be is going to be in for an intellectual treat with this boy. He's smart, but, not just brain smart. He's Corey smart. And, for those of you who know him, you know what I mean. There's a genius inside that brain that, not only can do math without using fingers or writing anything down, but can be witty, spontaneous and absolutely hysterical. My last post included his recent quip about smelling his fingertips - Yeah, he came up with that all on his own. And recently, we were asked if we could make our faces all grand up. "What?," We asked. "Grand up!"....."Like this!" And, he shows us a scrunched up face with a big smile. "What in the world does "Grand up" mean?," I asked. "You know! Granned up.......LIKE GRANNY!" He was making a wrinkly face to represent his great grandma! Oh, how we laughed for hours!

My twins will be three in three weeks. It has been a ride, let me tell you! I'm exhausted, I'm fat, I'm worn and lonely - But, I survived the babyhood! We're potty training these girls now, and many times over I've been ready to just forget it and let them wear diapers. In recent weeks I finally just dug my heels in and have been diligently working with them to get this right. Girls are so much harder than boys, and, when there's two to train, it's a nightmare. Going anywhere is ridiculous, as they always have to go 5 minutes AFTER we've left the bathroom. Or, they have to go 5 minutes AFTER we get in the car and are driving somewhere. They never have to go at the same time, and they never want to go when I tell them to. I sing, I dance (not well), I cheer, I exude thrills, I screech, I clap and I jump (again, not well) all for the hopes of promoting great feelings of a job well done. And, just when I think we've got it down, I end up changing 4 more pull ups than I did the previous day on each child. It will get better. It will get easier. It will be okay. If I keep telling myself this, it will be....I hope! And, because the only other person they see using the bathroom, besides me, is their brother, they have this undying desire to try to pee standing up. It just doesn't work that way for girls, and they don't get that yet.

Regarding that "lonely" comment I made above - Being a stay at home mom is by far the most isolating thing I've ever encountered. Aside from the few days in between I've been able to get away, I have been "home bound" for almost 1095 straight days. "Holy shit that's a long time!!" My day job is my night job. It's the hardest work I've ever done without question. But, it's also the most rewarding job I've ever held. No, I don't get recognized as "Employee of the month." I don't get raises. I don't get material rewards. But, I do get what so many mother's wish they had; The opportunity to be there for my kids when they need me. I get to decide what's right for them. I get to teach them to read. I get to be there when they go to the potty without help. I get to be here for them all day, every day and in every way they need me to be...... even to hesitantly assist in the removal of the greenest of snot balls!

And, off I go...because, though normally it would be cleaning of some sort that keeps me running in this house, today, it's snot.

Gold Digging and Galactic Hearts

Love is in the air.....It's Valentine's Day! The cards are signed, the goodies are packed, the children are in Valentine appropriate attire, and my heart is full of love! Since I have been with Corey my Valentine's Days have been filled with pure love, whether it was in an over the top surprise, or in a quiet evening home alone. I found me a romantic one, but he'll never tell you such a thing. I'm just going to say that no man can compare - But, the details are ours and I don't wanna share. I guess that's what makes it so fantastic - It's mine! The love, that is!

Cooper is in his last year of preschool, and the Valentine's are just as cute as ever. This year he sported the Star Wars Valentines with lollipops attached. He felt pretty cool taking those in, and he was the only one. Most 4 year olds aren't really into Star Wars, I guess. So, it was no surprise to find that, not only were there no other cards like his, most of the other kids have no idea what Star Wars is. Leave it to his fanatic dad and uncle to have introduced the love of all things Star Wars to my little man. (Imagine now the sound of the "whoong whooong" while swinging something like a baseball bat around.) Yeah, this is a great stage he's in.

Katie is gearing up for a magical trip to Disney World for a week with her best friend, Hannah. She leaves this Friday, and is so excited she can't seem to function properly. A week's vacation from little ones, household chores, homework and parents? Oh, how I would have dreamed of such a thing at 14 years old. But, as her mother, it's slightly different now that I have a different perspective. We talk about strangers (still, yes), responsibility, the fact that she's going to be 3000 miles away from us, the importance of listening to Kyle and Jill (Hannah's parents) and making sure that her phone is fully charged every day. I'm sure she'll be fine, but until she's on her way I'll continue to sound like a broken record.

Like all kids his age, Cooper occasionally digs for gold. We let him know that he needs to get a tissue, and there's never an issue. But, last night when he was caught "red handed," he quipped "I'm not picking my nose. I'm smelling my fingertips!" Knuckle deep, this kid has a come back with something that makes us laugh so hard we can't even argue.

Or, when Corey asks who the most beautiful girl in the house is (implying that he should answer that I am) he gets an honest response;

"Kenzie, then Rayla, then Katie."

Corey: "Well, what about mom?"

Cooper: "Yeah, she's okay. But she's NOT a girl. She's a mom."

Hahahah!

Oh, how wondrous they are! Happy Love Day, all!

**Now Loading**

Do you remember when we were children, and technology almost seemed out of reach? We had cassette tapes, record players, televisions that were so heavy you couldn't move them, and radios that had a manual dial knob. Saturday mornings were what all of us kids looked forward to, because that's when the best cartoons were on TV. Occasionally, after school, we'd get to watch those specials that would air with stars such as Ricky Schroeder or Alyssa Milano in them. Nobody had cell phones. Nobody had laptop computers. Those days seem so far away now.

Fast forward twenty some years and now I have children who will never know how simple life was when I was a child. Saturday morning cartoons are not anywhere to be found on the local networks. Instead, they're on Nickelodeon, Disney Channel, or, worse yet, the Cartoon Channel. And, even then, sometimes those cartoons are just too ridiculous for me to let them watch. But, thank goodness for the DVR, right? There's still a recording of Bubble Guppies, Dora the Explorer, and Little Einsteins, just in case. But, anymore, it's the other electronics in this house that they can't seem to get enough of.

The battle begins almost daily with a fight for who gets the ipad first. Yes, that's right...we have ipads. I use mine mostly for playing and Internet stuff. Corey uses his mostly for work. We can actually play scrabble together with them, and have done so many times. But, the free apps on these things are endless and our ipads have become riddled with children's games, and, our children have learned how to operate this with complete ease...much to my disdain. But, it's my fault. They know that if the little icon in the middle of the screen is spinning something is "loading." They know how to close, and open programs. They know how to delete apps; again, not something that I'm thrilled with, as a few apps and programs have been deleted, along with all the information that I put in to them. Everything is computerized, and that's all they know. Everything is on a remote. Cooper often says "just fast forward it" if we're watching live TV. Another benefit of recorded DVR items. I've never really sat and thought about this, as it has become a normal part of everyday life in this house, and most houses for that matter. But as I think about it, we really are on overload. Literally....I mean, it's all electronics. It's all we do. It's how we function. It's how we live.

Tonight, Cooper and Corey were looking through our wedding albums. One of the albums is only about 3/4 full, and the rest of the book is filled with white, empty slots. Cooper, such a child of wonder, passed the last picture and continued to turn the empty pages of the book. He exclaimed to Mackenzie, who looked on impatiently; "It's okay, the pages are still loading."

Don't scare me like that!!

Oopsy Daisies! Yeah, 3 months since the last post is silly. But, not without merit. I mean, these kids just keep me going, and going, and going........

I kinda feel like the energizer bunny, but without the energy.

The past 3 months have been quite exhausting to say the least. Between all the parties, get- togethers, school programs,

surgeries (I'll get to that), holiday gatherings, and general child rearing, Corey and I have been nearly out of our minds a time or two with delirium. Unfortunately, delirium in this household is not uncommon, and though it is not welcome, we understand it well and can accommodate it's invasion, however long it may be. But we were blessed during the holidays to be able to spend time together, as a family, enjoying our children's experiences, excitement and LOVE for all things Christmas. I went a little overboard this year with our indoor decorations, and even began singing them carols in October. But, when Christmas came, they were prepared! And following a very scary couple of months with Katie, by Christmas Day there was a sparkle in the air, a thrill, a light that was brighter than we could have ever hoped that made every second of our holidays so special this year.

And this is how the nightmare began......

Katie returned from her trip to California in mid August, and right around the time school started I noticed a bump just above her left temple. It looked similar to a calcium deposit she had as an infant, which was in close proximity to the location of the one we noticed now. I was told when she was a baby that the deposit would disappear as it grew with her skull. I thought it had, as I hadn't seen it in nearly 14 years...so I called to make an appointment for Katie to see the doctor. In my attempts to find out how long the bump was present, because all Katie could tell me was that it showed up one day, I called her step-mom who is a beautician and did Katie's hair just a day before she left California. She didn't see it when she did Katie's hair. Kinda made me worry at this point.

We finally got into the doctor for the exam in mid - October. She told us that it was probably another calcium deposit, much like the one she had as a baby, but probably unrelated to the one she had as a baby. Because she wasn't 100% sure of this, she referred us to an ENT to consult on it and possibly have it removed. That was scheduled for Mid November. To make all matters worse, after Katie arrived home from California she began having these horrible headaches. Over the weeks her headaches became so bad that they were making her sick in the morning to the point that she couldn't function. She had now missed 4 days of school in two weeks. I couldn't let her suffer like this anymore, so we went back to the doctor. Because of the headaches, and the appearance of the bump, the doc decided to send her in for a CT. We saw the doc on Friday, November 4 and went for the CT on Monday. This was still nearly two weeks bef

ore we were scheduled to see the surgeon. The CT was done that early Monday morning. But, since Katie's doctor was not in that day we were told that her nurse would call us the next day sometime with the results. At 7:20 the next morning, I saw the doctor's office number on the caller ID...Got a little nervous at this early morning call. It was the doctor herself. She called to say that The bump on Katie head was not a tumor (which, because of the headaches became a concern), but that she has tumorous lesions on her skull. The Radiologist diagnosed Katie with Eosinophillic Granulomas. It was good that we still had that appointment scheduled with the surgeon. But, by the next day, the surgeon's office had called us to say that that Katie's case, according to the results of her scan and diagnosis by the Radiologist, was too advanced for them and that she needed to go to Portland for her care at this point. Naturally, freak out set in at maximum levels.

After telling Corey the results of the call from the doctor, and sharing it with his mother as well, we were like a research team, working together investigating every avenue of this disease. We found that it is a fairly rare disease, and though most of the time it occurs in the lungs, having it on the bone could be disastrous if it made it to the bone marrow. This disease, which just a few years ago was automatically diagnosed as bone cancer, could turn into a cancer of sorts, if not treated appropriately. What?!? How do you tell your child that she might have cancer? How do you prepare her for the possibility of the things she might have to endure? I'll tell you how, because we had to.

We sat her down and explained to her the disease that she was diagnosed with. We told her that some people get cancer from it, and some don't. Nearly everyone would

have to be treated for this, but some longer than others. She might lose her hair. She might miss some school. She might have to have Chemotherapy. We PREPARED her for the worst, but armed her with knowledge so that she could work for and hope for the best. That's what parents do. We inform, reassure, support and we love.

Our appointment with the surgeon at OHSU finally came on December 1st. Corey, Katie and I went in prepared for a long day of tests and exams. We got there and they had no idea why we were there. That's right...no paperwork whatsoever. In fact, when the doctor came in the room, he said "So, can you tell me why you're here, Katie?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I suffer from high blood pressure, and the surge of the blood to my face had to be painfully obvious. After catching my breath, I told him. He ordered immediate films from the hospital here in Hood River and all notes from her doctor's office. It took a while, but they got there. Before they got there, though, he still went on with the exam. He poked, prodded and said "It feels like a dermoid cyst." Naturally, I though "huh?" Since we had not seen the CT, he looked it over with us and pointed it out again. "Looks like that on here, too." "And, as far as the Eosinophillic Granulomas goes, I don't see that anywhere. I don't know what the radiologist was looking at, except maybe the area around the cyst...but still, it isn't an obvious tell. It's something that we'll have to determine during surgery." And that's where the surgery stuff comes in. He informed us that, the cyst was in fact the same thing she had as a child...it was not a calcium deposit as I was told. But, though we couldn't see it on the surface, that's because it had actually grown inward and dented in her skull. An illness, or compromise in her immune system in August or September is likely was caused the outward push of the cyst, making it's appearance on the outer surface of her skull. It was the size of a marble. Because it had appeared so fast, the concern now was that it would continue to grow and do real damage to her already damaged skull. It had to be removed.

Her surgery was December 9th at Doernbecher Children's Hospital. It was the scariest thing she's ever been through, but, she did so well. Of all things to worry about it was about the hospital gown she had to wear, and whether the doctors and nurses were going to see her butt. My worry was a little different than hers. I can't begin to express the

fear and the helplessness of seeing my child in a hospital bed gearing up for her surgery, then afterwards in pain, attempting to regain consciousness from a surgery. As we sat by her, for hours after her surgery, it seemed like forever. And, being in a recovery area full of children and babies was not easy to endure, either. The only reassuring thing was that every parent there was feeling the same thing we were at that very moment, and they were, just like us, trying to ease the pain and fear that their child was experiencing. In the end, I have to say, that was the best care I could have asked for for my child. Every staff member, down to receptionist, was as accommodating and friendly as we could have ever asked. That helped to shape her memories, too....and make it not so nightmarish.

In late December, just 2 days before Christmas, we went back in to the surgeon for the post op appointment. He commended Katie on her wound care, and informed us that the biopsy done on the cyst, as well as an exam of her skull during surgery, showed NO signs of Eosinophillic Granulomas. NONE. Katie was misdiagnosed. As much as I want to be angry for having to deal with the emotional trauma of thinking my child could die, and having to tell her so, I find myself more happy with the outcome that is. There is something to be said about not wanting to pursue legal action for the emotional distress we suffered. Mostly so, because the emotional distress we'd suffer had her results been different, would have been greatly multiplied. I am thankful that we were spared such an experience.....and that much more thankful that Katie gets to go on living a normal teenage life...Hair and all!! What a fantastic Christmas present for all of us!

Regarding the headaches - She has migraines. She is now being treated for them, and so far things have been better since she's been on medication. Unfortunately the on set of these horrible migraines coincided with the bump, which is why it wasn't diagnosed as this from the beginning. My sighs of relief about this whole ordeal always include a growl, if you can imagine that. So, as a lesson to myself, ask more questions early on. I trusted that first diagnosis, and maybe next time, I'll get a second opinion.