Katie decided to explain to us a situation that she came across where she made a high schooler apologize to a 6th grader on her bus the first week of school. She said that the girl, who is "eclectically outgoing" told this poor, young, innocent kid that she wanted him to be her friend. Naturally, the boy said "no." The girl then proceeded to cal him names and antagonize him with words and phrases that were, according to Katie, obviously unfamiliar to this little guy. Seeing his discomfort, and the blatant use of words that Katie disapproved of, she told the girl to stop, and to apologize to him for saying such things. When we asked her what the girl said she whispered, "It's bad. It starts with the letter 'C'." Naturally, our open discussions became a waterfall of endless derogatory words that started with 'C." But, after listing every single derogatory word we could think of, bad to not-so-bad, we just couldn't figure out what this girl called the boy that was so bad that Katie wouldn't say it. The curious parents we are, we insisted that she tell us right away what was said. After MUCH hesitation, she whispered "crackhead." WHAT? That is the swear word that she couldn't say? I KNOW she's heard much worse, either by other kids or on TV. But, THIS was the word that sent her over the edge? Two things struck me at that moment. First, good on us for instilling such foul language barriers, that, when my daughter hears something like that, she is appalled. Second, poor her for thinking that THAT is the worst she's likely to hear over the next four years. We laughed hysterically both at the fact that she didn't react on the foul words she heard the girl say, and again at all the words, nearly all of them unknown to her, that we inadvertently burned into her brain when trying to figure out what word made her so upset. I think we had a moment of mixed good and bad parenting at that moment. I guess we'll see.
Several months ago Katie lost her phone due to a momentary indiscretion. I've heard that before - Oh, yes, that's what Kristen Stewart calls her affair to her Snow White and The Huntsman director Rupert Sanders. Well, her indiscretion was not as bad, but enough for us to keep her phone. She lost it in May and never was able to touch it again until she returned from California the end of August. She is still not allowed to take it with her anywhere, but uses it on occasion here at home. She has been working hard trying to prove to us how responsible she can be, in order to regain it. Yeah, I know, 5 months is a long time to take away a phone from a kid, but she deserved it. I do see that she has been working hard to regain trust. Corey doesn't ever want her to have the phone again, but, I thought at some point she'd probably get it back. But, this week something happened that made me think about it a little more. Katie seemed down, and we asked her what was bothering her. She went down a list that was everything from nerves from the first week of school, to the pressure and anxiety she was feeling for having to change classes two weeks in (she was misplaced in math and she needed a higher level.) And then she said the one thing that we, her uber-social parents, nearly fell over about. "I need my cell phone because it's so much easier to talk to people that way. You text them, they text you and you never have to say a word to anyone." OH, BOY. And, she's not the only one who feels that way. All but ONE friend she has will be texting, texting, texting and texting until they have calluses on their hands when they come over. They text boys. They text friends. Hell, they even text each other in the SAME ROOM! What in the world has happened to our kids, that they think the only way to communicate appropriately with people is via text? I'll tell you what it is - It's the dependence on cell phones that our society has made kids think they need. I have a cell phone. I use it. But you're not going to catch me doing all my communication on there. I have friends who I text, and sometimes it's because I KNOW they're in a place that they can't talk, but I want to get them a message. But, I have NO problem calling someone to chat with them. That is how we communicate with people.....we talk. But our teenagers are confused. They don't have the speaking skills that we were made to develop at their age. They walk the halls with their cell phones, using them to speak to each other, hiding behind the wall of the digital era. It's not okay. They're not going to be okay. Therefore, it is decidedly so that Katie will not have that phone returned just yet. And, if friends come into this house, they should respect our wishes for verbal forms of communication. This is a problem, and when our kids think that this is the "best" way to talk to people, we're in trouble. Because, in a few years, when they're all able to vote, they won't know how to "voice" their opinion. And, for all we know, they'll vote in Miley Cyrus to run our country. Help me help these kids - Make them talk. Make them realize how much damage they're creating for themselves. I'm doing it for Katie's future; for her success. How successful will your kids be? At least give it a try. Katie's gone without for 5 months. She's had moments of upset. But, when she wants to talk to someone, she can just call them. We made it through our younger years without cell phones and our kids can, too. Tell them for one week to use their phones for emergencies only. If they need a ride, or they will be late, have them CALL you. Have them CALL their friends. I wonder what you'll discover if you take that privilege away from your kids for a week. I discovered that my kid can actually talk....and it's nice. I missed that.
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