Enlisted

Being a stay at home mother has lots of ups and downs. More ups than downs, though. One of my "go to" tasks, when I feel overwhelmed, is to make a list of things for certain reasons. List of things my children teach me, list of things that make me happy, list of things that I want to do while a stay at home mom are just a few of the things I've "listed." Today, I'm going to share with you one of such lists:

Things people in this household have learned this month

1.) Toddlers are quite capable of telling a fib. "I mean, seriously, that rank smell in your pants is NOT poop? And, yes, still, the cup you're holding upside down will dump the juice out. Please stop."

2.) I don't take my kids places enough. While driving to The Dalles yesterday the children were screeching in excitement over the rivers and trees they were seeing. It's not like they NEVER get out, but, jeez, they were acting like I've held them in a dungeon for years!

3.) I hate that damn cotton/polyester Halloween spider web decoration crap. I was an idiot to think that it was a good idea to have it in my home. And, that spider "web" we put up last week for decoration? Well, it now looks more like someone pulled the stuffing out of a pillow and stuck it on the window. :/

4.) My twins still think that the potty is where you go to sit and sing...not to actually use. "Oh, I just peed mom - I think it's time to go to the potty!........A, B, C, D, E....." I am still working vigilantly to see that they learn to pee IN the potty, and that's it's not meant as a reward throne.

5.) Apparently I was mistaken in thinking that books are to be read - My children seem to have created every other purpose for their books, other than reading. It's quite depressing.

6.) No matter how much I clean, my children will be right behind me dropping things like they're supposed to be there. "Uh, oh! Mommy's moving all our toys. After she vacuums, guys, lets put the toys back where she found them!! Silly, ol' mommy!!"

7.) If you haven't seen "Up All Night," the new TV show with Christina Applegate, then you should. Although they only have one child on the show, and we have 4, the thoughts that are put into their script are very much like the things that happen with me and Corey. You just might understand.

8.) The laundry will never get caught up. Ever. At least, not for 16 years at a minimum. Some article of clothing will always get put in the hamper right after I've loaded the last bundle of clothes into the washer. Always.

9.) It's not good to have a bad battery in your truck, while hunting on a mountain, at sunset, with no cell service. Yeah.

10.) Just because everyone liked that dinner I made once does not mean that they're going to like it again. In fact, the chances of that happening, ever, are slim to none.

11.) The children will always want whatever the other has. No matter how many toys this house is loaded with, they want THAT toy. It's the stupidest thing, and I don't know that I'll ever understand it. "This block, honey, is the SAME EXACT block that Kenzie has. No, it's not THAT block, but what's the difference? Oh, Kenzie has it, and that makes it special....that's the difference." For shits sake! Really?!?! lol

12.) "Screaming at me because you're angry at something does not help you get your way. It may get you a time out in your room - But it certainly won't make me give you what you want."

13.) "My sweet children, there is nothing in the garbage that should interest you. NOTHING. It may be colorful, it may have an odd odor, but you are never to investigate it's contents. Unless, that is, you've snuck into my room, taken my rings and decided that's where you're going to hide them."

Being a stay at home mother is by far the most isolating thing I've ever experienced. I talk to my kids so much that when I do get the chance to talk to an adult I probably sound like an idiot. But, if not for the opportunity to stay with my kids, I wouldn't get the chance to come to realizations like those above. And, because it could get depressing, I try to find the most comedic way to view my daily life. Not to say I haven't had my breakdowns - I have, and my poor husband has been at the forefront to bring me back to life. We all get worn down, torn down and depressed. We all have moments of ultimate sadness, moments of ultimate anger and moments of ultimate happiness. In the end, it's how we grasp those moments. It's how we respond to them. If there's one thing I know for sure, life is not perfect. But, the moments that create this life are. And without those perfect moments, I wouldn't be where I am today.

"FUN" damentals of Halloween

I LOVE cold weather! Let me rephrase; I LOVE Fall weather. The cool, crisp days that now envelope every moment of every day is something I look forward to every year. The leaves are turning colors The tractors are humming from moving bins of pears from here to there. The smell of freshly lit wood stoves surrounds my senses. FALL IS HERE! It absolutely is my favorite season.

Part of what I love about the Fall is Halloween. There's something so wonderful to the mysteries surrounding the holiday, and the way it's observed by people. Some people believe that Halloween was designed under religious form, and was just a way for demons to hide in plain sight among us. Ha....news doesn't lie. Those "demons" are all over the news every day. They don't hide. Some people celebrate with whimsical fun, much like my family. We get involved. We love the dress up, the pretending, and the fact that we can dress however we want and on this day nobody will judge us. I'm not saying that we enjoy dressing up like we live in Halloweentown all the time... It's just FUN!!

As a child I was always given the freedom to dress how I wanted. The first costume that I vividly remember was the one I wore while in Kindergarten. Remember it, I do..... Yoda, was I! I was so in love with all those Star Wars movies back then - And I loved Yoda. Another year I wanted to be a queen - In the early 80's it was commonplace for someone to make a costume for their children. My grandmother is a seamstress and was elated to make my queen costume. I remember a dress, a cape, and a crown made from cardboard and tin-foil. There is a picture, somewhere, of me staring into a mirror with this costume on, smiling from ear to ear - I guess all little girls have that "royal" dream at some point. Lucky for me, I have a husband who on occasion makes me feel like the Queen I dreamed of becoming when I was just a little girl. All together now "aawwwwww!"

The crazy costume carnival at our house began weeks ago. With the discovery of Halloween at ALL my children's hands this year, every one has expressed their completely different interests in dressing up. Cooper has changed his mind so many times this year that we've compared him to his big sister, who changes outfits ten times before leaving for school every day - First, he wanted to be Woody. Then, he wanted to be Buzz. But, if you know my son, he's VERY detail oriented and by the time he laid out all the things he "needed" in order to be Buzz, it was going to be a very expensive, and ridiculous, costume. And, by very, I'm talking hundreds of dollars and basically asking to be as "real" as Buzz could get. No way, no how - Twenty bucks tops in this household, and even that's pushing it! Four kids to dress up and parade around gets a little spendy. And, of course, there was no way in this modern day and age that he, or his father, would let me try to make that costume. Not that I could, anyways. I'm an awful seamstress. He went through every detail of this costume with us: He needed a jet pack, the plastic pop up wings, special white gloves, the helmet with the plastic cover, and the boots to go with it. THE boots, that is.....Not the covers, or the fake white boots. The REAL boots, and no place on this friggin' planet, except at maybe Universal Studios, made the boots he wanted. Therefore, Buzz was nixed. (I can't say I'm bummed about it)

Mario made the cut this year and I'm so excited to see him in full Mario get up.....YAY!! The girls battled for a while back and forth between princesses, and for a long time we were certain that Ray was going to be Rapunzel and Kenzie was going to be Cinderella.... But, then, Party express sent me a catalog of Halloween costumes, and our once already decided evening became a weeks long period of constant mind changing: Cowgirl, cat, spider, mouse, cow, Mario, witch, princess, ninja, goth bride, Pooh bear, Piglet, pirate, Tigger, Roo, Mickey, Minnie, Daisy, a dog, mom, Dorothy, Indian, cheerleader......Yeah, you get the point. They basically decided at every page that they wanted to be something ON that page. All dilemmas have been resolved, the costumes are now chosen and purchased, and now there's no going back - Pretty witch and Snow White will be on display on all Hallows Eve. Even Katie's going to dress up - But, I can't be sure exactly what she's going to be - Whatever it will be, it will be eclectic, wild, and whimsical - Kinda like the child she is! Halloween is going to be so much FUN when it finally gets here!

We're a fun bunch of people, for the most part. Corey and I love our children, and though I bring a strictness to us that helps to be scheduled, Corey brings out his inner child to help us be creative. A few nights ago before the kids settled for bed, we played duck, duck goose with the kids. Have any of you played this with 2 toddlers, a 4 year old and a 13 year old? It's a stinkin' mess. First of all, the teen child sits and reads while her head is patted. She's actually more of a prop for them - Always the duck, never the goose. She doesn't complain - In her eyes she's still playing with em'! Haha. But, every time one of the children yells out "Goose" and pats a head, they all run. And run, and run and run until someone sits and they all follow. This could take hours if they let it. Cooper gets the game, but the girls just see it as a chance to be chased - Even if they're the ones who are supposed to be doing the chasing. So, we run, all of us at times, in circles around our living room, through the kitchen and dining room, sometimes not stopping because the girls still think they're supposed to be chased. Our last "game" that evening concluded with all 6 of us running around the house, chasing each other over furniture with arms flailing. No one was it anymore, the goose was unknown and all the kids cared about was not getting tagged. Total chaos. And, Corey and I are not as lithe as we used to be. Couch hopping, spot diving and chasing children, who seem to have jets on their feet, is an exhausting feat. And, after the children all go to bed, we begin to feel the muscle spasms in our backs, our heads begin to pound and the Advil comes out. Oh, the joys of parenthood!

Or, just last night, Corey brought in a 15 foot long, 6 inch wide PVC pipe. You can only imagine how priceless the excitement and joy in their faces was! I wonder sometimes whether my husband is thinking straight when he does things for our children. But, every time, in the end all the children are happy - He can tap into that inner child of his unlike anyone I've ever seen. He can think of things the kids would love to do, probably because he'd love to do them, too. I do believe, now, that I was probably over sheltered as a child - I can be creative, but not near as creative as him. So, the PVC pipe was in the living room. Of course, having this brought in just before bed didn't thrill me at first, but the kids acted like they were at Disneyland with it. The rolled cars down and watched them shoot out of the opposite end. They played teeter totter on it - And we discovered that all three children are too heavy to have on it at the same time (imagine that.) They hung on it, slid on it, climbed like monkeys up it, raced cars on it, balanced on it and even rolled it like a log (unintentional) at times. All this for an hour. The mother in me was more concerned about which child was going to get a black eye, which one would knock out their teeth when they attempted to jump over it, and whether or not there were spiders in it that would now be running around our house. (the pipe came from outside in the shop) But, boy, did they have fun. I never would have thought to bring in PVC pipe. I suppose I'll leave that up to Corey....and I don't think I'll get any arguments out of that.

In preparation for Halloween we have carved some pumpkins, baked the seeds and have displayed our house with that stupid cotton spider web stuff that, once touched, never seems to want to let you go. The children are fascinated with it, and mostly became so when they noticed it on display at Walmart, strung above all the registers and riddled with plastic spiders and bugs. Naturally, we got some plastic bugs, too. But, I'm short - So short that for years my daughter told people that I was a midget - and I couldn't reach the ceilings to put this clothes clinging crap across. And, ladders are not my favorite things. So, instead, it's covering our living room windows. The kids can reach it to place bugs and other random toys in, and pull it apart for pure curiosity. Choose your battles, right?

Less than 2 weeks now to Halloween so I better start getting some treats mastered. If there's anything I can do at Halloween, it's treats! And, if anyone has any awesome treat recipes that you'd like to share, I'd love to have them!

Happy Halloween to all from our monster house to yours!!

Things just keep getting curiouser and curiouser...

A few weeks ago my children were playing dress up. Rayla grabbed a fairy dress and began to dress herself up. Mackenzie wanted that outfit and was suddenly quite upset. I went to the dress up box and pulled out a red silk kimono. I told her to come to me and we'd dress her up as a queen. She adamantly refused stating "No! I want to be a princess! No like queen! Princess has pretty pink dress!" Now, as I sit there laughing with a slight frustration behind it I decided that maybe it's a good thing she doesn't want to be a queen. I mean, for all they know mommy is the Queen - maybe they should just keep thinking that it's supposed to be that way!

The girls found my mascara in my purse last week, and decided to "decorate" themselves. Kenzie actually claimed to try to look like a "kitty." She did pretty well, considering. And, Rayla just want to look like that princess that they so love. Although they did manage to get some of the mascara on their face, the pictures don't show that they also painted their arms, their hands, their legs and feet.

Heaven knows how they managed to keep it off carpet!!

That got me thinking: What in the world could possibly make my girls think that Queens are bad? I have three answers: Alice in Wonderland, Snow White and, well, me! I know that Disney has other Queens, but no Queen in any movie has an impact like the Queen of Hearts or the Queen in Snow White....and they're not nice. So, when my children have occasionally called me Queen, I reveled in it, not thinking about the fact that the only other Queens they've seen are evil, mean and nasty. I now have a deeper understanding for what they mean when they call me "The Queen."

Children are beautiful, smart, witty and somehow know just what to say to make a memorable impression. They understand us beyond anything we can imagine. They hear us, they copy us, they love us and they mock us. If you watch your children closely whilst in a lunatic state, I bet they're shooting off words or actions that they've inauspiciously heard from you while you didn't think they were paying any attention. They do listen, and they pay close attention. And, they're so smart that they know how to make you think they don't know what you're saying. Oh, those deceitful children!!

White at the dinner table yesterday at mealtime, we began a discussion with the three youngest children to see what responses we would get.

Corey: Okay, Cooper, who's faster? Mac or Ray?

Cooper: I am!

Cara: Well, we know you're fast Cooper, but, what about your sisters?

Cooper: Rayla's faster.

Rayla: I am!

Corey: Who's smarter?

Cooper: I am!

Rayla: I am!

Cara: Who's nicest?

Cooper and Ray in unison: I am!

Mackenzie: I am!

Corey: Who's the naughtiest?

Cooper and Rayla in unison: Not me!!

We then look over to find that Mackenzie has lowered her head. Her little chin is touching her chest, but her eyes have the orneriest look I've ever seen in them.

Corey: Mackenzie? Are you the naughtiest?

Mackenzie in very low voice, with an accepting smile and her angry eyes: Yes.....

Naturally, the laughter in our house exploded! They did understand! Another thing they understand is that naughty and nice list IS real, and they will do anything in their power to stay on that nice list, or get back on it if they should fall into the naughty list. Tee hee..... That's right folks, we threaten em' with Christmas presents......all.....year.......long. But, it works.

The children's curiosity level is set to high at the moment. Everything they

see must be investigated. Every drawer in this house has been opened. Every closet has been stared at. Ever piece of clothing has been pulled out of dressers and thrown around. Every paper has been wrinkled or torn, just to see what it does. Every button has been pressed. And, every nerve has been tested. Many of the curiosity expeditions are of good nature, but, some are just down right wrong. Toilet fishing? Yeah, seen that.

Pulling off outlet covers to see what they can stick into them? Yep, nearly had a heart attack over that. Dropping mom's wedding ring into a full garbage to see where it goes. Oh, yeah....now looking through a full garbage for a wedding ring is FUN!! There's honestly no telling what else they've put in that garbage - I just happened to be chasing Rayla to get that ring back when she ran straight to the garbage with it, so I SAW it. A few weeks ago the children found a tree frog on our back deck - Rayla became immediately fascinated with it, and wouldn't let it out of her sight. She chased it back and forth for a while, but then when he headed toward the edge of the deck she decided she needed a closer look. She went around and spied it until I called her away. Curiosity like that is endearing, wonderful and the type of thing that I support ten fold. Fishing for crap, not so much.

So until next time, I'm going to go and help my children find something fascinating to envelope their minds. I'm also going to put some children in time out for thinking they can pull a three stooges slap act.......Oh, Lord, I think I need a drink.

Flappin's Not My Thing

Today was Katie's middle school registration. I hate this day. Not just today, but the last couple of years. Sixth grade was good - got some questions answered, and everyone seemed pretty helpful. 7th grade was exhausting, yet still tolerable. Today I wanted to scream. Who's bright idea was it to hold a registration for all grades, mixed together, in a gym with no air conditioning, all doors closed and NINETY DEGREES OUTSIDE??? There must be a better way. I felt like I was lined in a cattle herd awaiting a hot iron brand to be stamped to my ass. Most of our waiting was done behind the 6th graders and their parents who had every question imaginable for every person that they saw. Many of these parents asked the same questions over and over again, and every person answered the same, lengthy answer each time. My boiling point was reaching dangerous levels in this place today. Unfortunately there seemed to be a "no cutting" trend going on, so I would have been "that jerk" had I gone around. And, by the end of this parade we were all dripping sweat, and the children (not just mine) were screaming in complete misery.

With all that time I got to spend in line today, I had plenty of time to look around at all the people standing around me. I discovered that, although I'm a chubby little chicken, I was probably the best looking chubby chicken in that joint! That sounds so conceited, but let me clarify: I was probably the most appropriately dressed plus size woman in that gym. I try to make sure that, as a plus size person, I am not dressing like my 13 year old daughter. It's pretty easy not to, but still. There are some simple rules all of us big girls should follow daily: No super short shorts, no bra's hanging out, no skimpy tank tops in public without arm flap covers - That kind of thing. Is it really that hard for big girls to dress decently? I've seen this for years, and have had issues with it for a while, so I've decided to make a list for any larger than average chick who is confused with what's appropriate, and what's not. I've said it before, but I have to share it again. Lemme break it down:

• Tank tops are nice - But, nobody wants to see your gut or boobs hanging out like they're trying to escape from a straight jacket. Size matters, and with tanks and t shirts, sometimes bigger IS better :) Extra larger girls need to also cover up the wings they've got on the under side of their arms . No need to be flappin' like a bird if you ain't one.
• Buy a size up - It's just a number, and you'll look a thousand times better. Your husband will think so too.
• Spandex shorts are for working out. They aren't for dressing up in a tank top that's too small with a flashy pair of flip flops. (I saw this today, actually, and I came to the conclusion that the woman was in such a hurry that she just forgot to put her clothes on)
• Muffin tops are not cool. Not to say that I haven't had my share of them, but I wonder if many of the women whom I have seen display these aren't doing it because they think that's how they're supposed to look. IT'S NOT....It's not pretty, it's not cute and you're way overemphasizing something that shouldn't be emphasized at all. Keep em' in the bakery, ladies!
• Jeans are not meant to be squeezed in to - At least, not if you're over 30. You honest to God look like you're suffocating. Your butt does not become smaller with a smaller size. Your waist is also, still the same size. And if you think that you walk like a model in those smaller pants you're quite mistaken. You look more like a duck. Quack. Quack.
• This is a personal preference, but thongs (undies) should not be seen atop the waistband of your pants or shorts, no matter your size. Plus size girls should avoid them at all costs. Why would you want to draw attention to your already large back end with the display of some lacy or silky thongs sticking out the top of your pants? And those who do attempt this are also usually the girls who try to saran wrap their jeans to themselves. It's a no-win situation and if ever there was a picture of "trashy", well, that just might fit the bill. The thong is wrong when baby's got back!!
• And finally, though sometimes it's inevitable for them to be seen under tanks and tops, bra straps are not supposed to be worn with the intent of purposely displaying them in such a manner. Again, why do plus size women and girls feel the need to bring attention to areas that are naturally getting more attention than they need? They do not in any way make you appealing, and if someone is looking at you, it's not out of envy - It's out of pity, for the fact that you must put yourself on display in such a manner that is degrading, not only to yourself, but to the rest of the plus size population who at least TRY to look decent. Men will and do actually find you appealing with your clothes on, and with your bra straps covered. Give it a try sometime, cover up! It's a rush for those who've never done it before!

Ironically enough I blog this right now dressed in a tank top and shorts. However, I am comfortable in my own home, recuperating from the trip to registration hell and back. And, my over-shirt is hanging on the hall tree by the front door, just in case I must venture in public again - Cause' if I went out without it, people would think I'm trying to fly! And, flappin's not my thing.

At Least My Kids Aren't Jerks

So, I was at dinner with my bunco friends last night and it was brought to my attention that my blogging has fallen behind. Going to blame my children for this one - And, not necessarily in a bad way. These kids of mine have personalities that make one wonder if they were conceived in a circus tent. Obviously not, but they're crazy and we've had us some adventures this Summer.

This morning, the twins woke me up to a heated conversation they were sharing. I got up, changed their pants, and we went to the living room where they continued that crazy conversation for a good half hour. Some things we understood, some things were mangled. But, you could tell that they were saying something! They were talking SO much that it makes me wonder just how much sugar their father fed them before putting them to bed. Or how much they had to drink - I woke at 1am to change a wet bed, and woke to them being soaked again at 6am! That doesn't happen when I put them down. Hmmm......

The past couple of months have been exhilarating with these munchkins. They're learning new words (all three of them), and have all decided that being a drama queen is in their best interest. Well, I've got news for them - The only thing being as dramatic as they are will do is get them a nice paragraph written about them on my blog.

Nearly every word I say is repeated by my son for curiosity sake. He'll say "Damn it." Then ask, Can I say damn it, mom?" We then go into a good hour long talk about what's okay to say and what's not. He has said some words to me, or in front of me, that would in no way possible come out of my mouth. I then begin to wonder who in the hell decided to share that stuff with my son!! There are never any confessions.

Mackenzie is such an actress. And, for the record, I know that they've been studying their big sister since they were born in order to try to master the art of dramatic manipulation. It works sometimes. So, back to Mac - This child will act out and recite movies like she's trying out for a part. It's actually quite amazing to watch her in action - She will dance around, hum to the music, sing along and join in like she's a part of the show. Now, as wonderful as her little drama stuff is, she's definitely not prim and proper. The girls have a dress up box that contains some of Katie's old ballet tutu's and performance attire - Rayla can dress herself up in a flash. But, Mackenzie - Not so much. The last time she tried to put on the tutu dress she wound up with her head through the leg hole and the arm straps under her feet wallowing on the floor because she couldn't move. She then became so angry at herself that she just broke down - I tried to help, but the stinker wanted to do it herself. She hasn't touched the dress up clothes since. She's happiest just playing in dirt.

Little Rayla is a non-listener. She doesn't like to listen to what she's told. In fact, she ALWAYS does the opposite. I tried to play opposite day with her, but then she did what I said. And, when I tried to outsmart her by saying "yes" on opposite day, she decided we weren't playing that anymore, and did it anyways. She runs away and laughs like a little monster who's being ornery for the complete and utter joy of it. On a lighter note, the kid can dress herself up to look like "Raypunzel" and be the scene stealer of any moment. We call her "Raypunzel" because of her hair - It's down to her butt! What 2 year old has hair that long? Well, mine does, I guess. And she milks every bit of that nickname - Stinkin' little princess!!

Katie spent 2 months in California and returned last week. She flew home alone this time, and though she was scared shitless, she did just fine. I can't express just how happy I am to have her home. It's funny - When she's here, we go on living every day, doing what we need to do and I find that I often fight with her. And, by the time summer comes each year, we're both ready for a break. In fact, that's most often the time when she discusses not living in our house anymore. But, by the end of the Summer, she's missed us and ready to come home and be a happy family again. As am I - Cause', there's no denying that her help to me is of a magnitude that a thankful expression on a blog can't justify. She's wonderful - and I'm SO glad she's home.

I do not get out as much as I did even three months ago. Something has changed in my children - Something evil. They LOVE to get in the car and go somewhere, as long as that somewhere is not Safeway, Rosauers or Walmart. I might actually just blame the stores. And, I think that there's a "psycho" mist they spray on us as we walk in the door for the sole purpose of making us leave sooner than planned. I mean, it's absolutely amazing how my children could be fine at the car, and even through the parking lot. But, the moment we set foot in the store they become creatures unlike anything I've every seen. They scream, flail, kick, grab things off the shelf and throw them, unbuckle themselves and climb out of the carts like their freestylin' at the playground. I've seen this many times over at the store with other people and their ONE child. But, two or three children doing this at the same time?? Oh my God..... And I say that directly to the man..... But, it's pretty surprising I haven't been banned from one or more shopping establishments. And, in every instance, we come out without something on our list.

I rely quite a bit on my child leashes for the girls when I go anywhere else. I look like a dog walker when I'm out and about with them, but, if the shoe fits......! I just don't have enough hands to do it without them! Some people smile at me, some people commend me for my "smarts" in child control, and some people sneer at me. The people who smile are usually older, and silently thanking me for not being that asshole parent who lets their children take over and run amock screaming and terrorizing anything that comes in their path. The people who commend me are usually parents in similar situations who often do the same, or are admiring me for giving them the idea to use themselves. And the sneers - Well, those often come from the asshole parents who let their children run amock, screaming and terrorizing anything that comes in their path BECAUSE they think that they're giving their children the freedom to express themselves, be creative and have FUN! It's no fun watching children act like jerks, especially when their parents are letting them do it. Heck, if my kids are being butts, we leave - It's as simple as that. I'm not going to allow them to disrespect me or anyone else because they need to be creative. My kids can be creative by repeating what I say after we've returned to the car and I've sworn to myself out of pure frustration and angst.......

And, into the school year, I'm going to have many moments of craziness - I'm still babysitting other children! How stupid can one get, right? Haha. What I'm looking forward to the most is the dentist appointment that the children have next week in which all three are going to be in a chair, with a little boy I babysit at my side. I was supposed to watch my 1 year old niece that day, too.....But that might be a little much.

I don't ask for torture. It seems to happen naturally for me. I just go with the flow. And, sometimes I get caught up in the current......But, at least I haven't drowned.

Who's your Daddy?

In the latter part of my childhood, I had the privilege of being raised by my grandparents. My grandma worked to keep health insurance, but my grandpa had long retired from his work as a scientist for the US Bureau of Mines. This left me with a lot of time to spend with my grandpa, mostly doing things that grandpa's do: Hunting, fishing, boating, hitting the auctions, looking at RV's, travelling in the RV he bought, walking, and, best of all, just taking a drive to look at the scenery. Yeah, you might think, "Oh, man, what a boring life!", right? Well, no, it wasn't. There was a connection that I had with my grandpa that was exactly what a father and daughter should have had.

I called him Granddad, and, when he passed away, I was the first to speak at his funeral. I remember saying to the crowd "He was the grandest dad there ever was." Man, was that the truth. Also, in the eulogy, I made sure to include that every time he took me to the dentist he'd fall asleep in the waiting room and snore SO loud. I was mortified! But, after a few visits over the years, the staff in the office became quite accustomed to his grunts and snorts, as did I. It became an endearing thing, that we just laughed about after the fact.

When I was fifteen, my grandpa had gone off somewhere one Saturday - I didn't know where, I didn't care, I didn't ask. But, a few hours later he returned driving the ugliest orange car I'd ever seen in my life. At first, it didn't dawn on me - And then he said, "Here's your new car!" I'm pretty sure I must have turned pale at that point. But, I didn't let that overrule me. It was a car! It was my second set of training wheels! The first, of course, being the blue banana seat bike he bought me when we lived in Albany. So, there it was. That damn orange car. So I practiced, nearly every day - Parking in the driveway, driving on the highway to Mt. Bachelor with my grandpa, who, by the way smoked NON-STOP whenever he was in the car with me, and driving around the neighborhood in whatever weather came that day. With good intentions, he decided that it needed a "paint" job. Oh, Lord. He spray painted black racing stripes on the bottom part of both sides of that car. I thought it couldn't get any worse. I got in quite a bit of practice when, to my dismay, my grandpa insisted that we take THAT car, attached to our 30 foot motor home, on a trip across the country. Yeah, I practiced. But, for the most part, I stayed hidden in the back. Can you imagine both my grandparents, my great grandma, me, and sometimes a dog, crammed into a 2 door Datsun?!?! I need not say more.

Fall came, school started and I went in for my driver's test. I passed! And, the next evening, was my bible study group that I attended every week. On the way home, I got pulled over! Doing 40, in a 25 and no insurance card in the car......I was so embarrassed. But, for some odd reason, the cop let me off. Just a warning. Maybe it was because I was so cute back then! But, since my memory has failed me for moments such as that, I can't even recall whether the cop was young or old. So, I can't really use that excuse. My grandpa made me actually pay for the car - all $500 of it. I didn't think it was fair, at first, because I never wanted that kind of car to begin with. But there was no way they were letting me learn how to drive in their new Lincoln! I paid for my insurance too - Probably a good thing in the eyes of my grandpa. And, to top it off, it was named the "Tangerine" by a group of loving friends: Thanks Sana, Coco & Erin!

I drove that car all Fall and all Winter, but some days, when I wasn't working, and didn't have anywhere I needed to be, I rode the bus. On one of those days I didn't drive, and just before Spring break 1996, my grandpa picked me up from school. He normally didn't do that, but, he said there was something he wanted to show me. We ended up driving to Prineville and landed on the Miller Ford Dealership on the East side of town. When I asked what we were doing there, he said he was just looking. However, he pointed me to a silver Mercury something, the Mercury version of a Ford Tempo. He asked me what I thought of it - I told him it was cool, lots of room, no dings or dents - It was a good one. But when I asked him why he wanted my opinion, he then told me that he was thinking of buying it. "For?" I asked. "Well, you, if you like it." My heart was racing, my face must have beamed and I'm sure I let out a girly giggle too. Of course, I LOVED it! Then, I wondered how I was going to pay for that. Surely, it was more than the Datsun. It was then, that I found out that he'd already bought the car. "It's your graduation present, a little early". He saw that I was responsible enough to pay for the other car, keep a job, still do well in school, and he wanted to reward me. A tear or two may have fallen on the drive home because I was so happy. I do remember that when I got home my face hurt from smiling.

My grandfather has left such a great impression on me. He taught me all the things a father should have. He talked about the birds and the bees. He talked about boys. He talked about tying flies. He talked about finances - Oh, man were there lots of finances talk. Endearingly named The King of Penny Pincher's, his motto was "if it didn't need to be bought, then it wasn't going to be". A splurge every now and again was fine, but as long as it was paid for in cash, then all was good. That man paid for everything in cash. His cars, his houses, his boats, the motor home - EVERYTHING. Now, though he taught me some great budgeting tools while growing up, I can't say that I haven't had a credit card. Or two. Or three, four or five. But, the basics of financing he taught me well.

Bob was his name - Not Bobby, or Robert. Just Bob. His name was as simple as the life he led. My grandpa was the best father I could have ever wished for, and I'm so glad I had him for the time I did. In third grade I remember all the students in the class were asked to write something about their "hero". Having a rough early childhood, I really didn't understand what the teacher was asking, so I answered something along the lines of "Jake the Snake", WWF extraordinaire. I laugh now, as that seems about the silliest thing I could have ever written. But, at the time, I didn't know what a real hero was. However, if only I had thought about it hard enough, I would have realized that he was right there the whole time and my answer would have been a little different. So, 25 years later, I'm declaring that my grandpa is my hero; He always was, and always will be.

After the cancer took Granddad in 1999, I wondered how I'd go on to live my life. I wondered if I'd find someone that I would be confident enough, and proud enough of to have wanted to introduce to my grandpa. Of course, there wouldn't actually be a formal introduction, just stories. But, that feeling of contentment was pretty important. In 2001, I met Corey. Bachelor of all bachelors, and THE man of all men. Honestly, I wasn't sure if he'd ever settle down. But, there was something about him. It may have his sarcasm. It could have been his free spirited lifestyle. Maybe it was the way he loved me. Any way you look at it, I was in love. Tomorrow, June 9, 2011, is the ten year mark from our first date. Since that day, he's become a wonderful husband, a remarkable father, and a family man that many envy.

There's something to be said for a man who loves his children as Corey does. There isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't play with the kids. One day it might be the Corey Monster, running through the house, growling and flailing about for the children's enjoyment. Another night, he may bring out the super power fan and stick balloons in front of it to sail across the room at fun speeds. You can even see a water fight, a game of catch, a round of songs or a game on the wii before bed. But, the best thing in the world, is to see that every night before bed, each child will kiss him and hug him while wishing him a good night in a sing song voice. He loves them so much, and they love him right back. There is no question that Father's day is an important day in this household. We've got some pretty awesome dads in our neck of the woods!

Next Sunday, June 19th, is Father's Day. On that day, I will be remembering the man who became my father because he wanted to, and helped me to become the woman I am today. My children will be honoring their father, the man who answers to "Dad," "Daddy," and even "Papa" sometimes. And, I will be giving wonderful thanks to Flip, the best Father in Law that I could have ever asked for. Not only is he wonderful to me and my family, he gave me the best gift that I could have even given to my children: Their father.

A Little Crazy Never Hurts

Could it be that the world is really going to end? Could it be, that in fact, all good Christians will just disappear from this earth, leaving the rest of the world to fend for themselves in misery for 5 months until Armageddon? There are lots of believers of this. I believe they're full of crap. I didn't freak out with y2k, and I'm not freaking out over this. It's a waste of energy and I've got a boatload of children who don't need to be subjected to such an insane way of living. They're crazy enough!

Speaking of crazy, I seem to have 2 more children in this house that I just can't seem to get close enough to to say "Good Morning" to. Their names, according to my children, are I Don't Know and Not Me. These residents, that are blamed for many a bad action, are spoken of daily. When I ask Katie who the dingbat was who put 2 empty boxes of cereal back in the cupboard she immediately blames I don't know. Now, I've looked for this person - I've tried to figure out whether this is a boy, or a girl. But, somehow, even Katie gets mad when I question this person's whereabouts so that I may teach him or her a lesson in proper etiquette. Cooper often says Not Me is to blame when one of the twins has obviously been hit by an inanimate object. And, when I ask who REALLY did it, he still blames Not Me. Go figure.

A new play structure was recently added to our ever changing back yard, compliments of Grandpa Flip and Grandma Maija. It has swings, a large wavy slide, a two story play house, monkey bars and a double riding thing that the kids absolutely adore. We've been outside playing on that thing every sunny day we've had for hours at a time. On the days that I've got Asa, the little boy I babysit (I know, crazy, huh?), the boys will play outside while I'm cleaning the kitchen. It's so nice to actually get some work done, and still be able to watch them from my kitchen window. :) My kids are rough, there's no question about that, but, this poor little boy I watch manages to be the only one to get slivers in his hands EVERY single day! I still don't know how, or what's he's doing to get such monstrous wood additives under the skin, but he does! Lucky for me, and him, he's pretty patient with me while I dig them out. It could be that he's just so used to it now that he doesn't flinch - But it must hurt!! Maybe some Michael Jackson gloves for playtime should be worn. Then he'd really be playing it safely in style!

So, what's the trick to getting your teenager to act normal? I've been trying to find a way to bring out the "normal" in my little teenager and I am almost ready to give in. She's beautiful, she's smart, she's wonderful. But, she's hiding that somewhere underneath the huffing, the puffing, the yelling, the the stomping, the bawling, the screaming and the deliberate disobedience. Yeah, I know, disobedience isn't really the word to use. MY CHILD WON'T DO WHAT SHE'S TOLD!!! Simple rules to make her day, and our day, go smoothly end up being thrown out the door by 7am as the nice hour and a half she once had to get showered, dressed and ready to go has suddenly turned into a chaotic, loud, crashing and banging mad dash just to make it to the bus on time. How is it, that she can be up, fed and showered by 6:20am? But, at 7:10 her bag's not packed, she is still battling herself about what to wear, her hair isn't right and she's screaming at us that she's late because we stopped her in her tracks in an attempt to curb her sudden enthusiasm for what looks like an improv for a psychotic horse! Even after Corey CALMLY tells her that, "It's okay! I'll just take you to school and give you a few more minutes" she begins the over dramatic bawl fest about how she HAS to ride the bus. Why, you ask? She tells us it's because being on the bus calms her down. BS. She wants to talk to her friends, and she certainly doesn't want to be seen with either one of her parents. In her defense, I kind of understand that. Recently one morning that Corey ended up taking her to school, Katie got out of the car and he rolled the window down and did something along the lines of blasting music, headbanging and shouting out well wishes to her school day. As a girl who's been there, I can say that must have been soooooo embarrassing. As her mother, married to the man who's humor is part of what I love so much, I laugh hysterically at the thought of her face, and her friends, who witnessed this act of tease-love. Oh, boy.

It's a crazy world. We're some crazy folks. But, I suppose a little crazy never hurts.

A MOMentous Occasion

“There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one” - Jill Churchill

Every year we celebrate our mothers. We shower them with gifts, sift through every "mom" card in the stationary section at Walmart to find the perfect card, schedule dinners, brunches and, of course, load them up with flowers. As a mother, I look forward to it! Not because of the gifts. Not because of the delicious brunch food that will most likely be prepared. But, for the acknowledgement from my children that they're happy that I get to be their mom - Because I sure am! Being a mother has different meanings for different people. No child sees their mother the same way each year. See below:

Newborn: Need my mommy all the time. Happy first Mommy's day!

Baby: Want my mommy. Mom might finally get to sleep in today. I hope there's enough milk stored for dad to give me while she's out.

Toddler: Want mommy sometimes. Daddy's cool, too.

Oooh...pretty flowers. Who are those for?

Preschooler: Mommy is so nice. My teacher is helping me to make something to give her, cause I really love her! See? My card says so!

Kid: I've been working so hard on this project for mom. I hope she likes it!

Teenager: UGH!! I TOTALLY forgot mother's day! Sorry mom.

... what do you want? Maybe I can get dad to get it for you..It might be late, but, better late than never. Right, mom? MOM?!!

Young adult: I thought I'd give you a call and wish you a happy mothers day - Lots of testing going on - I'll be home in a few weeks! At least I can't wreck your car this year! (Corey)

Adult: Happy Mother's day, mom! We're sending you on a cruise to celebrate you, and your retirement!

Elderly child: I'd wish my mother a happy mothers day, but I can't remember who she is, or where I left her!! Well, then again, everyone always told me that I'd become my mother. Maybe I really am her! Then, Happy Mothers day to me!

My nephews will be experiencing their first mother's day without their mom. They don't wear their emotions on their sleeves, and I'm sure they'll be doing what they normally do, just making each day count, doing the best they can to get through. I can't begin to imagine the feelings that they will have this weekend, but one thing's for sure: Those boys will be surrounded by so much love. My sister loved getting those made at school projects that her boys would make for her each year. I still remember seeing her smile ear to ear with even just a small token of appreciation that she was their mother. She loved them so much. And they loved her right back. Hopefully all the things that she couldn't do for them while still here, she can do from heaven. And, for the things she can't, there's a tribe of mothers just waiting to help raise those boys into wonderful young men.

My son gets to share his birthday weekend with Mom's day- Though he hasn't shared any ill feelings about that as of yet, I anticipate a request to have "separate" weekends in the future - One for him, one for me. And, I'm sure I'll accommodate. He brought me home flowers, cards and pictures today from preschool - To feel that "school" love again is refreshing as it's been years since Katie got to make something at school to bring home for mother's or father's day. Just to have all my kids together with me on Sunday will be a blessing. So would a foot rub, a massage, a bubble bath........

My mother recently shared something with me, and I debated sharing it. Not only does it kill what I thought was the true meaning and sentimentality behind my name, it's just plain hilarious.....

I was having a conversation with my mother about my sister, and revealed to her that one of my sister's best childhood friends had just had her first baby, and named her Sydney. My mom piped up "Oh, really? That's what you were supposed to be named." Naturally I questioned the "supposed to be" part of that sentence. She explained to me that HER mother, Cara had wanted to name her Sydney but my grandpa wouldn't allow it. He absolutely hated that name for some reason. So, they named her Debra. When I came along, my mom had promised my grandma that she would give me the name Sydney, since that was the only way my grandma would ever get to enjoy that name, other than a cat, or a dog. But, like my grandpa, my mother hated that name. And when the time came to enter a name on my birth certificate, my mother stood her ground - and instead, named me Cara so that grandma wouldn't be mad that I wasn't named Sydney, but couldn't be mad because I was named after her. For years, I was sure that I was named after my grandma Cara because it's a beautiful name. And it is....but I was Cara because I had to be, and my poor mother felt she had no other choice! I laugh hysterically as I type this, because I know my mother is going to read this and probably give me hell for it for a while to come. And, for the record, I love the name Sydney!

I've always thought that my name is beautiful - And, now, it's funny, too!

So remember your mommy this Sunday. Give her something she'll never forget. Even if it's the rent you finally owe her.......

Happy Mother's Day!!

A Royal Victory

“He who is prudent and lies in wait for an enemy who is not,

will be victorious.” - Author Unknown

The past 5 days have been quite monumental for millions of people, all over the world. Since Hurricane Katrina, just a few natural disasters have occurred, and, in those, only a handful of people had died. This week we mourn hundreds who were lost in the Tornado that hit Alabama, Tennessee, Georgia and Mississippi. This Tornado was the worst recorded, and the largest in scale since 1966. The aftermath of this is devastating. Millions of lives are changed. I pray for them all.

The very next day the world momentarily broke their shock and outrage of the tornado, to celebrate, swoon, cheer and envy the wedding of the century - Prince William's marriage to Kate Middleton. Now, if any of you women are like me, you all wished, even in a dream, that Prince William would be down to earth enough to fall in love with you. He'd come to the US to "sow his oats", he'd fall for your humble American ways, and then you'd be a princess someday!! Maybe I've watched Coming to America one too many times. Lucky for me, I found my prince a decade ago and married him a few years later. But, on this day, the world gathered and watched on as Prince William took the hand of a "commoner" as has been said over and over again. It's almost as if those royals want us "commoners" to know that some of us are actually worthy of royalty, despite our past! Well, that was a mission well accomplished. And, I believe it all. I believe the love, the rise to royalty, the story and the humbleness. As many horrible things that are happening in this world, it is so nice to sit back and revel in a good story for a change. I sure hope this lasts - Cause', if it doesn't, Prince William is gonna have to fend off a lot of women who would die to be his future queen.

And, the biggest news of all - Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon finally had their babies!!! Oh, well, I suppose that isn't the BIGGEST news, but she finally popped on Sunday.

The biggest news would have to be that Osama Bin Laden was killed in a US attack on his private quarters on Sunday. I watched the news in awe, not sure whether to cheer, or just stay frozen with my mouth wide open until Corey knocked me back to reality. It's surreal - After nearly a decade of searching for the man responsible for the 911 attacks, he's finally caught. And dead. I watched the news, read articles and saw pictures of people celebrating nationally. And then it dawned on me: Osama Bin Laden was the top - But, what about his followers? Without Bin Laden to regulate and coordinate attacks, I fear that our country will now have to live in fear of retaliation attacks by al qaeda. I'm sure all of us level headed people have thought about this before, but, now it's real. Now, Bin Laden is gone and who's to say that there wasn't a "just in case" plan put in to place years ago? I know, I know...Don't poo poo a good thing. I am a very realistic person. I try to think of all aspects, and at least, for your own sake, consider the possibility. I do.

Now that I've babbled on about how much news I've watched over the past few days, I can tell you that, before I watched the news about Bin Laden's capture, I was out gardening for several hours on the most beautiful Sunday I'd seen in months. Leave to me to go out on the first warm, sunny day of the year, in a tank top, with no sun block, for 4 straight hours. Can you say lah lah lah lahbstah? Seriously, how can one be so stupid? I spend months inside, while my skin faded to an ill stricken looking white and then, one fine day, I just decide to strip down and beg to be barbecued! I did this last year, and I suffered immensely for days. I anticipate the same this week. And, if my boobs weren't so big, I would have opted to go bra-less for at least today. That just can't happen anymore.

All of my girls are quite dramatic in one way or another. Katie likes to triply express her anger in a Hannah Montana kind of way. You know, the act of yelling in anger that is so overboard and so obviously an attempt to "act" like she's really angry at us. Instead she just looks ridiculous. To her dismay, Corey and I both laugh when she does this. Not only does she sound ridiculous, she looks ridiculous. For Pete's sake - She's not auditioning for the role of one of the wicked stepsisters. Maybe one day she'll get it.

Rayla likes to say "no." Even when she really wants something, there seems to be something fascinating to her about the word "no." It's used more often, by her, than any other word she knows. "Rayla, do you want me to hold you?" "No." "Rayla, do you want to play with Mackenzie?" "No." Rayla, would you like some juice?" "No" "Rayla, do you want mommy to leave?" " Uh huh." It never fails, the one thing I try to get her to say no to, she changes and says yes. Such a typical girl!!

Mackenzie is my little princess. Really, if you ask her where the princess is, she'll point to herself. She calls herself princess. She dances and prances like one. When she dresses up in a pretty top or a pretty dress she calls it her princess dress. And, she's very protective of her princess dress. Last night after dinner the girls got a popsicle - Kenzie's was red. She was wearing a white eyelet "pretty princess dress" and dropped some of her popsicle on it. She hung her head, and teared up with such sadness that it would break any mother's heart. She slowly lifted her head, and in her sweetest, most loving voice says "Mommy, I messed my princess dress. I so sorry. My pretty dress. My poooooooor princess dress." I reassured her that it was really okay, and that mommy has special magic powers to take out the messes on her dress. It's been soaking for a day, and will be washed this afternoon. I'm a little excited to FINALLY get to share with someone how cool it is that red dye CAN come out of white!!

So, I drifted off into subject oblivion for a while - There was a point, I promise. Of all the drama that fills the world, good and bad, there isn't a soap opera more entertaining, more comedic than my own little life. The drama that happens in my home is honestly as much drama as I ever need. This past weekend Osama died, the Carey-Cannon twins were born, hundreds were lost in a tornado, and the prince married his true love - That's a busy weekend for news stations. My kids were able to play outside, I had a date with my son and husband, I gardened my heart out and laughed until I cried with my whole family. That's not just a busy weekend for me; That's my life. This sweet life that I wouldn't trade for even a tiara or the title of Duchess. Besides, I'm already the queen of my castle......:) Who would want to trade that?

Eclectic Little Boogers

You know, life in this household is so unpredictable. And, just so you followers are aware, RARELY do I finish writing a blog on the same day I start.... Case in point:

I began this blog a few days ago with an ever so exaggerated litany of cheering on via caps lock the fact that all my children were healthy again. They had been sick since February 4, and it was about time they were better. Smiles were abound, laughing was rampant, and, for once in a long time, nobody was screaming because something hurt. My cheering on was an obvious jinx to myself, and my poor children because, yep, you guessed....they're all sick again!!!!

You must be thinking that it is something in this house. I thought that, too. But I clean, I sanitize, I disinfect, I run the humidifier (no mold, I checked), and still my little munchkins won't get well! Everyone in this household suffers from the dreaded allergies, too. We really could have done without that curse. Last week...Maybe even the week before, I honestly can't remember, I took Cooper back to the doctor because he was feverish again, coughing, sore throat and his throat was swollen and nasty looking. The doc said it may, or may not be, mononucleosis. Yeah - Kissing disease. Though heinously ridiculous to think that a child so young could get it, nothing seems to surprise me anymore. Besides, Cooper likes to kiss girls..... Wonder if his daddy was like that in preschool??

And, now, again, all are feverish, coughing, snotty, stuffy, and have a lack of appetite strong enough to scare any mother. Heaven knows that these kids are genetically bound to be "big boned" so I suppose eating a little less over a couple of days can't hurt em'! But, seriously...the sickness, still? I ended up taking Cooper back in to the urgent care clinic this past Saturday for the same thing he seemed to be getting better from just the previous week: swollen, sore tonsils, coughing, gagging..... See a pattern here? The doctors sure did. So, Cooper is going this week to see an ENT to consult on a tonsillectomy. At this point, I'm wondering if all three little ones are going to need this - I had a history of severe tonsil infections, and, according to my mother, absolutely should have had mine taken out when I was young. Corey had his taken out when he was 26 or 27 - That was the most miserable I think I'd seen him. But, knowing that we both have lifelong issues with this, I think it's safe to say that our children are predestined to be tonsillectomy candidates.

Softball season is upon us, and we're full swing into Katie's last little league season. She is 13, but since her birthday fell after the "too old for little league" cutoff date, she gets to play one more season than the rest of her friends. At first she was kind of leery, because she's a monstrous amazon child (5'8" and growing) who stood taller than everyone, including her coaches. Somehow, though, she still manages to fit in and have a great time. And, she's making some new friends in the process. New faces to the game have changed the tune of the game too - And even though games have started, the coach decided that practices will continue as well. They'll get no arguments from us!! And, to top off how proud we are of our little 13 year old Jekyll and Hyde, she made honorable mention on her report card this week! Yay, Katie!!!

And, what's my blog without a little bit o' Cooper to top it off? Allow me to share with you a conversation that my son had with the dermatologist's nurse yesterday:

Nurse: Hello Cooper, how are you today?

Cooper: My lip is thwelling.

Nurse: Oh, yeah....I see that. Did you eat something new?

Cooper: No, nothing new.

Nurse: Did you eat something bad?

Cooper: Yeah, it was bad. I ate a booger!

(we actually were there for his eczema, but he had a swollen lip that had appeared suddenly - No place like a Dermatologist office for something like that to happen)

Now, I'm fully aware that when my children know of this blog, can read it and understand it, I'll be at the top of their shit list for a while. But, hoping that they'll forgive me in the long run is what makes it easier to continue on.

Who would have thought that I would end up as the mother of four children? And, all mine to top it off? Not one of them is like another. Their personalities are different, their body shapes, their hair, their quirks - Not alike in any way! And, it's these eclectically charged personalities that makes this household tolerable in even the worst times. I'll be honest, there are days when I want to run away from it all. I want to shut the world out. I want there to be silence. I want to sleep. But, this is parenthood - And, until they're older, there's no such thing as silence or sleep.

Children, I concede to you!

And your final birthday present? Illness.......

After months of discussion, begging, pleading and attempts at bribery, we gave in and finally got Katie a cell phone. After one day of it being in her possession, we realized the reason that we had held off on getting her a phone for so long - And also realized we probably could have waited even longer before placing this God-like technology gift into the hands of an ever so impressionable teenager. And, yes, I said teenager - Katie turned 13 last week, hence the cell phone. When she was presented with this gift, she jumped, screamed with joy and wanted to call everyone she knew to tell them the news; "I GOT A CELL PHONE!!" Corey made sure that she understood that she needed to read her manual before operating the phone. We were mistaken in thinking that this would be a lengthy process, as less than 24 hours later, she had figured out how to set her ringers, how to take pictures AND place them as her main screen picture, and she had (not kidding) NINETY SEVEN text messages back and forth to a couple of friends. Since this is a learning process for her, and for us, we told her to slow down on the texts. Unbeknownst to her, Corey put unlimited texting on our family account for this reason alone. He had a gut feeling to do so, and that paid off well, even after only a day!

The one thing that I discovered in the text messages that we read on her phone - YES, we're reading her texts....for now. We need to make sure she understands what is appropriate, what is not, and what is reasonable in the world of text messaging. - were that the reason that there are so many texts is because these kids are texting one or two words at a time, instead of a sentence. I'm aware that the short responses are fast and easy, but as a parent trying to understand the language that these teens are speaking, I see how easy it is for these kids to rack up hundreds, if not thousands of dollars in cell phone bills each month. It's also safe to say that kids will try anything, and if parents are stupid enough to get their child a cell phone without looking into the trends, covering their butts in costs and helping their children to learn the proper way to operate the phones, then the benefit of a child no longer begging for a phone is overshadowed by fights between child and parent for the outrageous bills, texts and downloads that magically appear on the next cell phone bill. From one parent to all you others out there, be prepared.

The twins turned two last month as well - And for the past 4 or 5 weeks, all little children in this house have been sick. It began with the sniffles a month or so ago. Then, 3 weeks ago I got strep throat. All family members were treated, but it was discovered that Cooper is resistant to Amoxicillin. So, after the strep scare, we had ear infections. We even ended up at the hospital for testing, as the doctor thought Cooper might have pneumonia. We began treatment for the ear infections, and a few days later all children developed fevers. They were so bad, in fact, that we had to cold water bathe them in attempts to bring down fevers that settled above 104 and wouldn't come down. Rayla got the highest, at 104.9 - Scared shitless was I - They were so hot, and so miserable, and their eyes were bloodshot from the heat. That FINALLY passed - and they now all have upper respiratory infections. But, SOMEHOW, amid the azithromycin that Cooper was taking, he still managed to get sores all over the back of his throat and has barely eaten or drank anything in three days. We're off to the doctor again this morning.

I've come close to losing my mind a couple of times. Four children, most of them sick ALL THE TIME, the cleaning, the attempts to get them to eat or drink......it's exhausting. Corey and I have spent nights up with them, and taken shifts in sleeping - Cause' in this household, there is no such thing as a full night's sleep. I've even discovered a "pain free" way to sleep on the chair in the living room, just in case a screaming child (Rayla) needs to be upright and away from other sleeping family members.

For years my friends have sent out little emails that allow you to update your "favorites" and share with your friends. Funny, as we're all in our 30's and 40's and nearly every one of us still do this every year. Some things change, and some don't. I got one just the other day, and was reading it on 3 hours of sleep. Needless to say I couldn't think straight. And when the question came to enter my favorite movie I couldn't think of one movie that I liked. So, I created my own: "My favorite movie is the one where all my children are healthy, happy and smart, and I look like a supermodel."

Now, we all know that last part is so ridiculous, that I was obviously out of my mind a little. But, the healthy kids? I have prayed, I've wished on stars, I've scrubbed, I've cleaned and I've sanitized. Still, they are sick - and each time I wish in the air that they get better, they get sicker. So, either I'm not wishing right, or I can't sanitize well - Both of which I think I do just fine. But, something's gotta give!!

Maybe we can hole up at the doctors office - We've spent enough time there lately. They all know us well, and probably turn the phones on each day wondering what time we're gonna call. I almost feel like I've called the doctor more than Kate has texted...... that's funny.

Oh, the joys of parenthood.

I had a funny thought......

Life throws us curve balls - Some we catch, some we drop and some we just miss altogether.

But the joys of life are found right within the walls of our own homes. I have decided to share with you all some of the thoughts that go through my mind in this house - Many of them are repetitive thoughts, and some of them are actual things, said or done by one or more of our family members. I believe I have a sense of humor, and the thoughts I get sometimes reinforce that belief. Lucky for me, everyone in this house has a sense of humor in one way or another. And, heaven knows, I don't think we'd be where we are today if we hadn't laughed our way through some of our experiences.

1.) It doesn't matter whether you tell your teenage daughter that she looks beautiful. She's always going to change her clothes, re-do her hair and put on more makeup.

2.)When your son grabs his crotch and dances around he HAS to pee. Even if he fusses and says he doesn't have to go, he does. He may fight you until he cries, but the moment he's at the pot, he'll go.

3.) The apron is a part of a mom's wardrobe. All my children will expect to see me in it, as will their friends, their friends mothers, my friends, and maybe even my friends mothers.

4.) Doing the dishes means all of them...not just the few in the sink. The ones on the counter next to the sink are included.

5.) How is it possible to lose a pacifier EVERY SINGLE DAY?

6.) My son says I'm old and fat. My daughter says I'm beautiful and not so fat. My husband says he loves me just the way I am. I think he agrees with both of them.

7.) Sometimes every detail really counts - And when I say to put the clothes that are in the washer in to the dryer, that usually means to turn the dryer on as well.

8.) Wadding up the clothes and throwing them in a basket is NOT the same as folding them.

9.) Super Mario Bros. is not real.......You really don't have to stay up to keep playing the game so that you will save the princess. She'll still be there tomorrow....and however long it takes to finish the game.

10.) It pains me at 11pm to see that though the dishes may have been done, and the counters are nicely cleaned, the stove top is still covered with pots and pans still full of food that never got put away in leftover containers.

11.) Yelling at me only makes me want to scream at you. I'm your mother, not your enemy.... But I can be if you keep it up!

12.) "Cooper, you must hold my hand while we walk through the parking lot - Once we're inside, you can walk alone". "But, mom..you said when we're at Walmart I don't have to hold your hand. We're here....See? The sign says W-A-L-".........."Yes, Cooper, I know. But there aren't any cars to run you over in the store.....just out here in the parking lot so you need to hold my hand". "But, there are carts, mom.....And we always crash the carts in the store...same-same!!"

Why must my three year old analyze EVERYTHING I say??

13.) I'm sorry is not just something you say for the heck of it. So, until you figure out the real meaning of "I'm sorry" you can shove your sorries in a sock, Missy.

14.) The living room is an ever changing work of art. It's quite possible that even the spiders get lost in here, as often as it changes. Maybe one day I'll remember what it's like to sit in one spot for any length of time.

15.) If we're out of dog food, tell me before we're out so that I can pick some up at the store. It's no fun to get informed that "we're out of dog food" at 8pm, when I was at the store this morning.

16.) Your ipod headphones are NOT designed for you to blast the music loud enough to hear it without having the headphones on. That completely defeats the purpose.

17.) When I say it's time for bed, that means get ready for and GO to bed...to sleep. It does not mean it's time to write a story, read your books, listen to your music or sneak a TV show.

18.) My girls are ready for potty training. But it just dawned on me that they think going "potty" means flushing the toilet. It doesn't help that our toilet water is a pretty blue!

19.) If I say my blood pressure is up, don't tell me something bad.

20.) You're right honey - you're always right. And I'll leave it at that. Because if I went on to discuss this any further I may get so frustrated that I'll honestly believe it.

Share your laughter with those you love - See the humor in everyday life. A laugh shared between anyone, even yourself, speaks so much louder than words. So laugh.....cause' you can.

All for the love of children

Oh, boy. I'm about as exhausted as one can be. My Rayla just won't sleep through the night. She did so well for so many months, and then "BAM!" No more sleeping. I tried to let her cry it out, as I did when we "trained" the girls to stay in their beds. But, she just wouldn't give up. And, since I was exhausted already, I just give in after an hour. Ironically, however, after I drag my butt out of bed, get her up, maybe get her a sip of milk or water, I find myself smiling contently as she snuggles into my chest. We usually sit up for a while, and sometimes even "chat". After the frustration of getting up every night passes, and my blood pressure lowers with each calming breath she takes, I am happy that I am here for her. I am happy that I am able to love her, hold her and console her....even if it does take hours. Because for some, that's not an option. Some children aren't blessed with loving homes and loving parents - And some parents don't know what a true blessing really is. So, with droopy eyes, a groggy smile and a dopey slur, I can say without a doubt that every late night I get with my babies is a blessing. Every moment I get to be with them is like a gift to me. And each moment is a constant surprise.

Though I love these moments I get with my children now, I sure look forward to a couple of years from now when they ALL sleep through the night, can be in this house without gates and half doors, and the locks we have installed on the outside of every door in this house can be removed. It's quite funny if you ask me - Our house much resembles a kiddie prison, loaded with toys, balls, locks and gates. Every door has an alarm. Every window is locked kid proof. Every phone is out of reach. We have no coffee tables. Our furniture is kid friendly, and our mini blinds have been removed. Our television is mounted high up on the wall and even some of our light switches are taped down. You may think we're overprotective, maybe even danger phobic. But, we've talked about this many times. And, since our children seem to have no idea how dangerous it is to climb up mini blinds, or how scary it is for mommy and daddy when they go running out the doors at full speed, we know that our protective measures are founded. Even as "empty" as our living areas are of "things" it's amazing how many toys 3 young children can have. We'll be adding to the collection soon: Birthday season is upon us!

The twins turn 2 next month. I commented to Corey on how fast the time has gone by, and how impossible it is that they're going to be 2 already. Corey responded with something along the lines of " Are you kidding?? This has been the longest 2 and a half years of my life. I think I've aged TEN years!!" I see his point. For the last part of my pregnancy with the girls I was on bed rest, in the hospital almost daily, and, with one scare after another, it was emotionally traumatic for all of us. Of course, the chaos continued after they were born with the RSV and the several day stay in the ICU. Then the issue with Kenzie's head. Then the infections. Then the eczema. And this week we top it off with ear infections....In ALL the children, at the same time. Yeah, I see his point. AND HE STILL THINKS HE WANTS MORE?? Good Lord.

It's unfortunate for people like me that there is no manual on how to deal with multiple children. Sure, there are parenting classes. But, the content of most of those classes is on how to discipline your children at different ages and stages. I can discipline just fine (just ask Katie.) But, dealing with 3 children throwing separate temper tantrums for reasons completely unknown can bring on some serious headaches....I mean REAL head ACHES. There are times when I look at my children and smile, and they start to scream. Or I put my arms out to pick up Rayla and she screams "no, no!!" and turns away from me. Naturally, I turn and walk away, only to be subjected to a concert of kicking and screaming, almost like she's mad that I didn't pick her up. Mac is a teaser, and will take every last drop of every second to do something. Even if she knows you're waiting for her, she'll make you keep waiting. Heck, she might even find something else to do along the way, if she feels ornery enough to do so. If she continues this through her teenage and adult years she might have problems keeping a boyfriend.

And I can't go through a single day without being graced with the loose lips of my oh-so-smart little boy. He makes sure that I'm aware of things, when he isn't sure I know. Like, yesterday, he dressed up as Super Mario - Red hat with an "M" daddy made and a taped on mustache. He was getting into the cookies and I scolded him for it, as I had just told him minutes before not to eat anymore before dinner. He made sure to tell me that since he was "Mario" at that moment, what ever I said to "Cooper" didn't count. Cause, obviously, Cooper wasn't here! I mean, "come on, mom.... can't you see that I'm not Cooper right now??" That imagination of his is so beautiful - And even when he questions who does or doesn't have brains - He says that mommy has no brains, but has hair instead - It's impossible not to be so in love with this little dude, and converse with him intently, only hoping to be privy to the next smartass remark he makes so that you may laugh endlessly.

So I leave you today, with a Cute little Cooperism, that's sure not to come true.

"Mommy, I want a baby brother for my birthday"

For shits sake. What's the matter with this family??

Sleep well.......

It's not easy to think when I'm tired. In fact, it's not easy to do anything when I'm tired - Which is how I feel today. The past couple of weeks have been very interesting at night. Most of the time, miss Rayla wakes up for reasons unknown, and the work begins in trying to find a way to console her. Whether it be a cup of milk, her dubbie (pacifier), or her favorite blankie, it's honestly a battle in guesses until that one thing hushes her cries. Ugh. It's like babyhood all over again....But, I think there's a little bit of manipulation going on now. Whatever it is, I sure hope we can resolve it soon. I miss sleeping through the night........

I remember that as a teenager, and even into my early twenties, I couldn't stand the taste of coffee. I knew that people drank it for the caffeine mostly, but, I couldn't figure out why - I mean, it tasted awful!! That was until I met Corey, who was a coffee King if there ever was one. Not long after we started dating did I latch on to coffee, much like a newborn to her mommy. I needed it constantly, wanted it when I couldn't have it, and if I wasn't at home and had a craving, found a coffee shack to make me a flavorful concoction of caffeine and sugar. I've come to the conclusion that it's an adult thing - And since we're all of an addictive nature in general, we can drink coffee all the coffee we want without feeling bad about it. And I do - Drink a lot, I mean. But, with the lack of sleep I've been getting lately, it's no wonder I haven't just taken over the local Starbucks. My poor tummy!

Aside from waking up to a child's bad dream cry, the dreaming dog's "woop, woop", or the middle of the night fever and tummy aches, life is grand. I sat in the living room last night with the littles and watched them play dress up in each others clothes - The girls are fascinated with Cooper's shoes and coats, and I find them attempting to wear them in play quite often. The personalities are shining through like a blinding sun, and some days I wonder how in the world I'm going to manage them all. And still, I babysit another child for a friend of mine three or four days a week. I know, you must all think I'm crazy, and I'm sure it's been a topic of conversation among a friend or two. But, it's really okay! The kids play well together for the most part, and when they don't, the timeout chair is a really FUN place to be. For me, at least!

I still haven't brightened up any since last year when I ranted about my stupidity of taking all my kids grocery shopping. Here's a good one: I took all my kids yesterday AND the kid I babysit! How's that for royal stupidity? Actually, THANK GOD, they were all fantastic, and just honked their little horns on that massive semi truck they call a shopping cart. They had fun - But getting them back in that damn car was something else. I have never had trouble getting them from cart to car, until yesterday. I'm pretty sure that all four children looked much like a bunch of possessed monkeys, screaming, kicking and flailing about like retarded fish! It was some workout getting them all in the car, one.....at......a......time....... lol.

Not all days are like that. Lucky for me, they did that outside, as we were leaving, and not inside, when we had just arrived. That would have sucked for me, and everyone else in that store.

We recently invested in the ultimate parenting tool - A minivan! Yeah, we had to down

grade from the monster Sequoia we drove to a more reasonable minivan for the young years in our children's lives. I think that had we only had 2 children, the Sequoia would have been great. But with 4 children, it was such a task to load and unload! Now, we all walk to the car, they climb in the car, and we sit and buckle. Easy, peasy, Japanesey! hehe. After looking long and hard, we decided on a Dodge Grand Caravan SXT. It's red, and I love it - As do the kids. With the dual DVD screens it's such a nice time when we get in the car! You'd wonder why they freaked out yesterday after shopping! It's quite possible they crapped and I just didn't know it..... The smell of the french fries at the nearby McDonald's can be so overwhelming at times!

A couple of weeks ago my great grandma Alberta passed away. She was 88 years old. For once in a long while, the passing of someone was not accompanied by days and weeks of sadness. She was ready to go, and after so many "last visits" to the hospital, we were ready, too. Sure, it was sad that she passed, but we all know that she's in a better place. Whether you're a Christian, like she was, and believe that she's gone to Heaven to live an eternal life, or whether you're Atheist and believe that she's gone and that's that, I think we can all agree that since she's no longer suffering, it's okay that she's gone. It was so nice to share stories and see smiles in her memory at her funeral. And, the people that came from all over the US to say goodbye was so wonderful - I know she would have loved it. But, man, I'm going to miss those cinnamon rolls!! :)

At Grandma's funeral the congregation sang songs, and recited scripture. It was like I was sitting at her house - But then again, she called her church her home. So, I guess it was fitting. We finished her service by reciting the Lords Prayer with one change she made often:

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our sins,
as we forgive those who sin against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,

the power and the glory,

for ever and ever.

Amen.

Rest in peace grandma.....and say hi to Bobbie for me!