Flappin's Not My Thing

Today was Katie's middle school registration. I hate this day. Not just today, but the last couple of years. Sixth grade was good - got some questions answered, and everyone seemed pretty helpful. 7th grade was exhausting, yet still tolerable. Today I wanted to scream. Who's bright idea was it to hold a registration for all grades, mixed together, in a gym with no air conditioning, all doors closed and NINETY DEGREES OUTSIDE??? There must be a better way. I felt like I was lined in a cattle herd awaiting a hot iron brand to be stamped to my ass. Most of our waiting was done behind the 6th graders and their parents who had every question imaginable for every person that they saw. Many of these parents asked the same questions over and over again, and every person answered the same, lengthy answer each time. My boiling point was reaching dangerous levels in this place today. Unfortunately there seemed to be a "no cutting" trend going on, so I would have been "that jerk" had I gone around. And, by the end of this parade we were all dripping sweat, and the children (not just mine) were screaming in complete misery.

With all that time I got to spend in line today, I had plenty of time to look around at all the people standing around me. I discovered that, although I'm a chubby little chicken, I was probably the best looking chubby chicken in that joint! That sounds so conceited, but let me clarify: I was probably the most appropriately dressed plus size woman in that gym. I try to make sure that, as a plus size person, I am not dressing like my 13 year old daughter. It's pretty easy not to, but still. There are some simple rules all of us big girls should follow daily: No super short shorts, no bra's hanging out, no skimpy tank tops in public without arm flap covers - That kind of thing. Is it really that hard for big girls to dress decently? I've seen this for years, and have had issues with it for a while, so I've decided to make a list for any larger than average chick who is confused with what's appropriate, and what's not. I've said it before, but I have to share it again. Lemme break it down:

• Tank tops are nice - But, nobody wants to see your gut or boobs hanging out like they're trying to escape from a straight jacket. Size matters, and with tanks and t shirts, sometimes bigger IS better :) Extra larger girls need to also cover up the wings they've got on the under side of their arms . No need to be flappin' like a bird if you ain't one.
• Buy a size up - It's just a number, and you'll look a thousand times better. Your husband will think so too.
• Spandex shorts are for working out. They aren't for dressing up in a tank top that's too small with a flashy pair of flip flops. (I saw this today, actually, and I came to the conclusion that the woman was in such a hurry that she just forgot to put her clothes on)
• Muffin tops are not cool. Not to say that I haven't had my share of them, but I wonder if many of the women whom I have seen display these aren't doing it because they think that's how they're supposed to look. IT'S NOT....It's not pretty, it's not cute and you're way overemphasizing something that shouldn't be emphasized at all. Keep em' in the bakery, ladies!
• Jeans are not meant to be squeezed in to - At least, not if you're over 30. You honest to God look like you're suffocating. Your butt does not become smaller with a smaller size. Your waist is also, still the same size. And if you think that you walk like a model in those smaller pants you're quite mistaken. You look more like a duck. Quack. Quack.
• This is a personal preference, but thongs (undies) should not be seen atop the waistband of your pants or shorts, no matter your size. Plus size girls should avoid them at all costs. Why would you want to draw attention to your already large back end with the display of some lacy or silky thongs sticking out the top of your pants? And those who do attempt this are also usually the girls who try to saran wrap their jeans to themselves. It's a no-win situation and if ever there was a picture of "trashy", well, that just might fit the bill. The thong is wrong when baby's got back!!
• And finally, though sometimes it's inevitable for them to be seen under tanks and tops, bra straps are not supposed to be worn with the intent of purposely displaying them in such a manner. Again, why do plus size women and girls feel the need to bring attention to areas that are naturally getting more attention than they need? They do not in any way make you appealing, and if someone is looking at you, it's not out of envy - It's out of pity, for the fact that you must put yourself on display in such a manner that is degrading, not only to yourself, but to the rest of the plus size population who at least TRY to look decent. Men will and do actually find you appealing with your clothes on, and with your bra straps covered. Give it a try sometime, cover up! It's a rush for those who've never done it before!

Ironically enough I blog this right now dressed in a tank top and shorts. However, I am comfortable in my own home, recuperating from the trip to registration hell and back. And, my over-shirt is hanging on the hall tree by the front door, just in case I must venture in public again - Cause' if I went out without it, people would think I'm trying to fly! And, flappin's not my thing.