For Love and Friendship

Oh, buddy.....Almost a year. Good grief. I've been busy! Although I never set any resolutions this year, I do hope to get back in the swing of the blog - The fun stories, the exciting adventures and the crazy moments that we have in this family - You know, they never end. And some of em' are fun to share!

My first blog of the year is not going to be about my children. It's not going to be about my husband, or the wacky tales of woe, or even about my family - It's about me. And my friends. 

Last weekend I took some time to spend a couple days with friends I hadn't seen in years. One friend I haven't seen in 5 years, the other, 15. At some point in our younger years, we were all so much closer. But, something happens when you become adults, and the ring of friendship changes. With time, people change, they grow apart, they grow up, or they just lose contact with people within the lives they are building for themselves. In many cases, those friendships aren't rekindled. I'm a lucky girl - I got to see those friends last weekend. We gathered for the bridal shower of my friend Kelsey, who, somehow, hasn't seemed to age a day in almost 20 years. Her beautiful daughter in tow, Kelsey introduced me to the family of the man who she's about to marry - They're vibrant, happy, loving and so welcoming to her that, until introductions were made, I couldn't tell who was on the bride's side or the groom's! That's a good sign. 

The shower was fun - I watched as she interacted with her daughter. Something I had never seen. And, it made me smile. Her careful watch was always in the forefront, and her firm, yet gentle directing made it seem like she was born to be a mother. I am so happy for her. Gracie, all 7 years of her, stood up while her mother opened presents and vivaciously introduced herself to the group of ladies gathered to celebrate her mom. We all stood and introduced ourselves at the beginning of the shower, and, it appeared, Gracie had been overlooked. She was having none of that - Her ability to stand up, talk loud, yet gently get every one's attention reminded me so much of her mom 20 years ago. 

Our mutual friend, Coco (her name is really Sequoia) was invited and decided to attend the shower too. We connected in the days before, and decided to travel down together and stay at a hotel for the night. Why not? Our wonderful husbands offered to take care of the kids, and we could.....So we did. We talked for hours, with our car ride beginning with a flashback of Lisa Loeb's "You Say." Really, we started singing that within a minute of being on our way. Some things just never change.....

After the shower, Coco and I headed back to the hotel for a few short minutes to unwind and gather ourselves before heading to dinner with Kelsey. We talked, we laughed, we teared up, and we got to know each other all over again. But, in sitting there, it was like no time had passed at all. The way we just let it all out, talking about our kids, our lives, our falls, our rises and the joy we have in our marriages that we hoped would be experienced by Kelsey in the near future. A funny thing though - This night was the first night we have ever had a drink together. We toasted to love and to life - It was perfect. 

So here's to new beginnings, old friends, rekindled friendships and the realization that, it's not that far to travel to see these girls. We should do it more often.......

Share that, mom!

Today I decided to ask my kids what I should write about. Although the answers themselves are no surprise, the context of the answers is what keeps this sitcom REAL!

Me: Cooper, what should I write about today?
Cooper: Me. You should always write about me. Because it's fun. And, because I'm cool. And, I keep my sisters safe, most of the time.
Me: You're one funny kid, aren't you buddy? And, you ARE cool.

Me: Mackenzie, what do you think?
Mac: Me.
Me: Why?
Mac: Because, I like myself.
Me: That's it?
Mac: Isn't that enough?
Me: (Silent laughing, because, although it was funny as heck, she was serious as could be)

Me: Rayla, what do you think I should write about?
Ray: Me. And Mackenzie. All about our birthday. It's in 4 days, you know, mom. That's only 4 sleeps from now. You need to write about that and tell everyone about our day. We're going to blow our candles out as a family. We're going to share our birthday with everyone!! It's going to be great, and fun and everyone will eat cake and open presents!!!!!!!! (This Ramble started gentle, but was a roaring pile of excitement by the time she got to presents)

Mac: Yeah, you should tell everyone I like princesses. Share that with everyone, mom!!
Me: ((laughing hysterically, not silently this time, as I just couldn't hold it in))

I miss these days!!

And, so it is....I have blogged about their birthday. Cooper gets honorable mention for his witty response, but this week is about the twins. My sweet Rayla has such a heart....even on her birthday, if others are happy, she's happy. I LOVE that trait. Mac isn't as empathetic as Rayla, but she's quick, and witty like Cooper, and together those girls make a perfect team.

T-minus 4 days until the twins are 5.
T-minus 7 days until the oldest is 16.

I should plan something.

The Rediscovery Resolution

September 25, 2013. That was the date of my last blog entry. Oh, dear..... But, here I am on New Year's Eve, typing away to make up for all the lost time. What a busy few months it has been. Still catching my breath, I sit here thinking about what 2014 holds for me. I'm quite optimistic.

To sum up our year: Fast. There was so much "stuff" that happened in the past year, yet it is hard to think that it all happened in a year. Most of it seems like it happened within the last month - But, that could be because the holidays are always a busy time of year for us.

Katie turned 15 in March, and, although she wasn't quick to run to the DMV to get her driver's permit, she finally passed her test on Friday, December 13th. She's thrilled, as are we. But, I can't say that I'm thankful to be teaching her to drive. The one time I've driven with her so far I was so nervous I grabbed the wheel in fear that she was heading for a ditch. Yeah.....Dad's a better teacher, for sure!! Halloween got here so fast that our kids nearly didn't have the costumes they wanted. Thank goodness for a little last minute luck, as well as a dry, fairly warm evening....Not something that we're used to having! Thanksgiving came and went in a blur. Christmas screamed up on us, and has since passed into calendar oblivion. The Christmas decorations are already down, it's 50 degrees outside, and, although I have no plans to go out tonight to ring in the New Year I am dressed in what my husband would consider "date night" attire....I just went to town, but I looked good doing it!! Truth be told, one of my new "goals" that I've decided to enforce upon myself before the new year is dressing better. This frumpy mama was beginning to wear sweats and t-shirts around the house, and I caught it myself....So, I'm fixing it myself as well.

2013 brought forth some great events, as well as some unfortunate realities. Most of my disappointments this year came from adults. As it should be....But, not in the ways that I thought I would find disappointment. So, my list of resolutions are not your generic "lose weight, be nicer, be a better mom" kind of crap that seems to be a common thing on every one's lists year after year. This year, they're different....But, all based upon my #1 resolution.

Resolution #5. Spend less time on Facebook. Much of my disappointment this year came from others' posts on Facebook, and in many cases others blatant disrespect to all the others reading their posts was nearly appalling. In less than a year, I read posts about how horrible or fat people thought their children either were, or looked in pictures. I saw constant complaints about all the things that some didn't have - Sometimes those people actually criticized others for what they did have. I saw people forcing their ideals and preferences in my face, sometimes without having a factual basis for their posts. (Get the facts to back up your accusations, folks.) So, less time on Facebook for me.....Cause' I just can't deal with the nonsense and drama that people can't help themselves to, and my kids need me more than the majority of the "friends" on Facebook who probably haven't seen me in over a decade and don't really care what I'm doing from one day to the next! Yeah, there might be a burnout in it's beginning stages here.

Resolution #4. Get outside. It could be exercise, it could be gardening, or just sitting while the kids run. There's no reason that I shouldn't get outside for a little more vitamin D......Natural happiness!

Resolution #3. Speak up. Now, this is a broad resolution, because this means everything from calling BS, to voicing my opinion. If I see or hear something that leaves me with questions, I'm going to ask them.  Over the past few years I have become the person who keeps quiet and leaves well enough alone. This has, sometimes, caused turmoil in my heart, which is unhealthy. How are we, grown, responsible adults, supposed to teach our children the best ways to succeed if we can't overcome our insatiable need to get further by cheating, or throwing aside moral values? I see it SO often, and it's disheartening. Be respectful, friends. Be teachers. Be leaders. Be honest. Our future (literally) depends on us.

Resolution #2. Document a little more. I hope to blog a more than 5 times a year, take more pictures, write down memories faster and cherish the little moments more often. Time moves at the speed of life, and it's faster than I can keep up with. So, hopefully the digital age will help me along this year in gathering pieces to my life puzzle.

Resolution #1. Rediscover myself. This, too, is a broad resolution. Everything from dressing better, finding my place in life to everything I've listed above is a part of figuring out who I am. See, I thought I knew who I was. Secure in my life, a marriage, children a job and a home. Six and a half years ago I became a stay at home mom and, although I LOVE being here and available to my kids, I've lost quite a bit of who I was. Not to say that the person I am now isn't better, but, for the moment, I feel a little lost. So, I want to find my balance. Hopefully this year I will figure out what that balance is, somehow working toward contributing to bettering not just me, but others. I don't know where I will end up, but later this year will mark the end of the daycare time for me. My babies will all be in school full time, and, although staying at home....a quiet home....sounds REALLY nice, I like to make a difference and am unsure if I can do that from home. My greatest time was with Providence. They took care of me, and I loved what I did there. I hope to return there, but we'll see! I am excited to see what opportunities arise for me this year. It's a big year, and by the end of 2014 I hope to "report" back with a years worth of fantastic changes for us all.

So, here's to all of us rediscovering who we are, making the best of the cards we're dealt and cherishing what we have. 

I think it's gonna be a good year! 

AKEMASHITE OMEDETOU GOZAIMASU!!

(Happy New Year!!)

I Didn't Move the Mountain.......The Mountain Moved Me

It's amazing how much things can change as we age. Whether it be from a significant event occurring to change your mind about something, or just age and experience allowing for a better managed opinion, everything seems to change. But, really, it's us that changes....not everything else!

Corey and I were laying in bed reading a couple weeks ago, and he came across an article discussing things that would make you (us) feel old. The first item up? Marty McFly went "Back to the future" in 1985 to 1955. In two years, if we went back the same amount of time, we'd be in the same year that Marty McFly was in his real time....1985. Yeah, 1985 was 28 years ago. Holy cow.

Also, for you Friends fans out there: Chandler and Monica's twins would be 9 this year, Phoebe's triplets would be 14, Ben (Ross and Carol's son) would be 18 and Emma (Ross and Rachel's daughter) would be 11. Doesn't quite seem possible.

All this talk about perspectives, age and time probably has something to do with the fact that I'm about to turn 35. Now, that's not an age that is really bothering me much. But, as I was on the phone with my grandma a few days ago, she said something that resulted in me reminding her that I'll be 40 in 5 years. Forty! And, then I began to cry....I'm not even there yet, and something about saying it made me pretty darn upset. I have a plethora of reasons as to why I could be upset with it, but they're all silly and selfish really.

I sat on the deck last Thursday night, my son was in the bathtub, my husband was close by him listening to a football game, Katie was doing chores and the twins were getting out their last bit of energy on the playground. I closed my eyes and momentarily drifted into deep thought about my life and certain meanings in things. Although sad, the first thing that crossed my mind was my sister. Well, Mt. Bachelor actually. In our youth, our grandparents would take my sister and me to Bachelor for weekend snowmobiling trips. We'd speed up the trails toward the mountain, often going so fast that our grandparents would lose sight of us completely. We loved it up there...the beauty, the serenity, and the wide open spaces. Snowmobiling on the mountain was also where and when the infamous family song "Grandma got run over by a snowmobile" was first brought to life. I love those memories. But, sitting right there in the front of my mind, despite what those memories are, remains the fact that Mt. Bachelor became the final resting place for my sister in 2010. (For the story, see my August 2010 blog post) I still see Bachelor as a skiing, snowboarding and snowmobiling resort. But, along with a little catch of my breath,  the first thing that comes to mind when I hear "Mt. Bachelor" is Bobbie.....And that likely won't change.

With each year that passes since her death, the death itself becomes less of an impact, and the memories of the life we shared are brought to life in such grand light that I often forget all the hard times she endured. Is that maturity? Or, is that part of the grieving process? Either way, I have found myself seeing things so differently as I age, and that wild, over-dramatic spunky person I once was is long gone. Just ask my kids. In fact, when Corey recently asked the kids what I wanted for my birthday, two of them said a Bulldog or a pug (yes, I love them and can't wait to have one......When my kids are grown and there are no dog allergies in the house), one of them said a down pillow, and the other one said a wheelchair. Can you guess which one said wheelchair? Haha.

So, for my birthday I don't wish for frivolous objects. I wish for healthy kids, a happy family and some good cheer to come my way. I guess I really am an adult now.

Building an Incredible You

For my high schooler........

There is a whole world out there. Enjoy it. Your ipod, your phone, your laptop, and your kindle will all be waiting if you decided to take a walk through the orchard, go swimming or do something productive, like chores.

Your phone is a privilege. As is your car. If you don't do things to ensure that you are "earning" them, they will be removed. (good grades, keeping up with chores, paying your share, etc..)  If you abuse the privileges you have been given, they will removed. If these items are essential to you, you need to remember just how quickly they can be taken away. A simple lesson in give and take. Mother and father will giveth today, but wrong us tomorrow, we'll taketh away.

We understand that you might be interested in "dating".  Meet em', get to know em', and bring em' to us. Don't get to know them by text messaging.....That isn't real, and you can't expect to really "know" someone by what they text you. PS - Our home phone works just fine, if you forgot.

Studying and homework are SO important. If you get invited somewhere with friends, but you know you have school work, please make the right choice. Your future depends on how hard you continue to work through high school.

Don't judge a book by it's cover - In other words, know someone before you make a character judgment on them. Your worst enemy could one day be your best friend.

Get involved! Join a group, whether it be sports or a club or something else, that encourages teamwork, and allows you to build new friendships.

Listen. Listen to what is happening around you. Listen to what people say. Listen to HOW they say it. Listen to something other than your ipod.

Find your passion. This kind of goes along with getting involved, too. It might be in a club, or a theater group, or a music group. But, find something that YOU love to do and put your heart and soul into it!

Remember you are a big sister. Your younger siblings look up to you, believe it or not. They see you as this older, beautiful person they someday want to be. What you teach them, what you show them, is imprinted in their minds, and that's what they'll keep with them. Remember this if you're thinking about saying or doing something that may be inappropriate.

Communication is key. Express your feelings, talk about current events, and ask questions when you have them....Pretty simple, actually.

Follow the Golden Rule. If you don't know it by now, you haven't be listening to me for the past 15 years. (see "Listen" above)

Be YOU. Don't let others dictate how you act, what you say or what you think.

Use good judgment. You are at the age where everything could go awry with one little misstep. Analyze the situations you get in to, think about the repercussions for actions that you are deliberating, and think about how you, or anyone else for that matter, could be affected by words you say and things you do.

And finally, have fun. All these little "pieces of advice" that I've left for you here are just little ways to help you along the way of having a great time in high school. It is hard work, but if you're working, playing, singing, recording, writing, painting or hanging out with friends, the combination of it all will make some pretty incredible memories for you.

Have faith that we, your parents, know what's in your best interest. We've been there!! We've done this before, and we know how to make it easier this go-round. Just three more years, and you're off to college. THESE are the years that will build an incredible YOU............

Still Learning........

It has been almost 6 years since I decided to become a stay at home mom..... I was actually pretty sure this was what I wanted while pregnant with Cooper, but we weren't sure that it was possible. This time 6 years ago I was back at work full time wishing I was at home with my beautiful baby boy. A couple of months later, with a hectic rush to find childcare, it was decided that it was just too much, and I would stay home. It's been quite a ride so far. In my efforts to teach my kids a thing or two, I've also learned things myself. I have grown up SO much in the past 6 years. Although I considered myself a pretty responsible adult before Cooper was born, I'm at a place now that I wasn't before then.

Here are some things that I've learned that, although sometimes tough, made me a stronger person:

Housecleaning is overrated. It only gets noticed when you haven't done it. Or when it's done really, really well - You know, the kind of cleaning you do before you're having a large number of guests over. The kind that your kids point out to the guests as they arrive. "My mom cleaned ALL morning"!!

Privacy is not in a young child's vocabulary. The bedroom, the bathroom, or even the back porch is not a possible option when looking for some solitude when you have children. They don't understand that, if I'm on the pot, they should probably leave me alone for a few minutes. Or, if I'm in the shower, I can't break up a fight! Work it out, children! Work. It. Out.

Our bed is apparently thought to be the midnight gathering place for the kids. We have a king size bed, so it's quite large...But, add in children and it feels like a twin bed really fast!!

Friendships are a funny thing. When you have kids, those who are your real friends will stick around, make play dates, schedule friendly gatherings or come and visit. But those who aren't become "fake" friends. They stay cordial, when they see you, but in secret are constantly hoping that you don't ask them to come somewhere where your kids will be present. I have had a few of these, and I've always wondered how they'd handle parenthood if it ever came their way!!

The way I think I look and the way I actually look, when my children are in tow, are two totally different things. Most of the time I'm probably tired, haggard and maybe even dressed a little frumpy. But if I feel good, and, actually slept the previous night I usually think I look like a Rock Star....I guess that's all that counts. But, it wouldn't surprise me one bit if the hosts of "What not to wear" made a surprise appearance at my front door one day......"You've had this for HOW long"?......

I am completely unaffected by my own children's snot. Everyone else's children's snot will make me gag.....or worse!

High Blood Pressure is very real. Contributing factors include; Being chubby, genes, fights with my teenage daughter, calming a four year old's scream-fest in WalMart, or playing a video game with my perfectionist son.

If you have young children who you allow to explore outside, you will find strange animals in your home on occasion. Frogs, grasshoppers, unrealistically large black beetles, dead flies, and even extremely large slugs have made their way into my house. If I catch them before they get the animals in here, I redirect them right back to the yard they found it in. Ugh...heebie jeebies!!

Pedicures are a must. If you haven't ever had one, quit worrying about a stranger touching your feet........It's what they do! You'll be SO happy you did. And once you go spa, you'll know how to get your "ahhhhhh".

No matter what it is, if I buy food with the intent of using it for a specific reason, I need to hide it, label it, or do a Vanna White showing with a descriptive explanation as to what it's intended uses will be. Otherwise, without question, it will get eaten. Hummus....Yeah, that'll go. Pepperoni for the pizzas I'm making at the end of the week? OH, what perfect snackers!

Kids know stuff. They know when you're having a bad day, even when you do your best not to show it. They know when you're driving too fast. They know when you're hurt and when you don't feel well. What they don't know is that if you have a phone next to your ear you're on the phone. I still don't get that one.

Date night. Simply put, if you have children, or even if you don't, you need a night out occasionally. Eat and have a drink in peace. It's OKAY and it's likely well deserved. EVERY PARENT NEEDS A BREAK! It doesn't mean you're a bad parent for wanting a break...It means you're human.

HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR. There is no question that some days will be harder than others. The thing that matters is how I get through those days. Laugh it off! Play around.....Take a picture! And know that even if a bowl of spaghetti gets on your light colored carpet, shit happens.

Don't let others bring you down. You will get judged by a number of different people who do things very differently than you. But, unless you're REALLY messing up, I mean, putting yourself or your family through the ringer, take each criticism with a grain of salt. Nobody's perfect, and your criticizers are probably the least qualified people to give you advice on how to raise your kids, clean your house, etc.....

It's okay to have a bad day.....it's a natural thing! As long as you don't take it out on your kids. Your husband can handle it, though....And, you know he's close to perfect if, when you're having a bad day, he brings you your favorite coffee.

Accept help when offered. Nobody expects to go through rough patches, but everyone does. Whether it be along the lines of housecleaning, laundry, emotions, childcare or finances, at some point, you have to be willing to give in to the offers and let someone help you out.. If they're offering at all, they see something that you might not be able to, or are unwilling to accept. However, if they're offering unsolicited advice on HOW to do something, that's a different story......

And finally, I have a husband. Sometimes amid the daily grind - In my case, kids, kids, kids and more kids, I forget about the needs of the man in my life. When I pass him heading home on MY way to town, I'm fairly certain that he thinks I'm trying to avoid him. That isn't the case - It's when I can go! But, this is why date night is so important.  


Every day is a learning experience. Life happens. And, unless we learn to just go with it, it's gonna kick our butts. Remember who you were, who you are, and who you want to be.

I'm a Glee fan, and this was so sad

I'm all too familiar with the signs of heroin abuse. Not because I ever used drugs, but, because as a young child, I saw the effects it had on my parents. I could never completely understand the struggle.  I remember always asking myself "Why couldn't they stop"?  "Why DIDN'T they stop"? "Don't they realize that they're bad"?  But, as I got older, my understanding of addiction became a little clearer. It isn't something that is easy to control. It isn't something that people want. It certainly isn't something that people need. The desire, the need to have whatever feeling is created by the drugs pulsing through their veins overwhelms every ounce of them. And, as we've recently discovered, some hide that addiction well.....

I'm a die hard Glee fan. "Gleek," I guess, is the Hollywood term for that. From the beginning, I've found myself enthralled with the idea of a really good Glee Club, probably because, in my high school days, I lived for music. Finding out about the death of Cory Monteith, Glee's reigning heartthrob, was like a punch to the gut. Not only did the world lose someone SO relevant in the entertainment world, this young life was lost because the almighty drug won the battle. Unfortunately, this is nothing new in Hollywood. A-listers from all walks of life have gone down this forsaken path into the depths of drugs, so buried in their own intoxication that they can't enjoy the lives they've been given. Quite sad.

Now, I know that there have been several deaths of relevant performers in my time, but, it's different when you have to explain to your kids why one of their favorite TV actors has died. I was sitting on the couch, scouring the world news at midnight on Saturday when I came across the first press release about his death. I gasped and started to cry. Honestly, it just took my breath away. My first instinct? Drugs. I mean, hardly ever anymore do young actors die when there hasn't been drugs involved. But, I knew because of recent interviews as well as a recent stint in a SoCal rehab center that he had publicly struggled with his addiction. I didn't tell Katie the next morning, because I just didn't even want to talk about it. But, when she came home from work, I told her. She was about as shocked as I was. No tears, though. Just utter confusion. "Why?", she asked. I didn't want to tell her my assumption, but, she asked if that was it. The coroner confirmed Tuesday that it was in fact, heroin. Disappointment with an understanding sadness came across both me and Katie, and the mother in me was reeling from the fact that, from here on out, my child will be subjected to seeing famous people take the wrong path a lot more than she realizes.....A lot more than I hope. Still, this was so sad.

Ugh.......

If you haven't ever seen it's chaos firsthand, consider yourself lucky. The pain and suffering caused by drugs is so profound and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's a demon, and, for some, impossible to control, impossible to deny.

Here's to hoping that Glee can move on and continue to be the outstanding show that it is, helping people learn who they are, helping people to accept who they are, and helping to teach people that dreams can come true, even in the most trying of times.