No resolution in sight

"Twenty ten can be the year for change. It can be the year we discover great things. It can be the best year of our lives."

The new year always brings out the most optimism in even the most pessimistic of people. Resolutions are set with the full intent that "this will be the year" to fulfill those proclamations of self improvement; People say they're going to quit smoking, the gyms begin to fill with new member enrollment and more people are seen taking evening strolls through their neighborhoods. In reality, what makes January 1st any different from July 1st? In regards to resolving to better oneself, that is....

I resolved not to make a resolution this year. In the past, I have resolved to lose weight, be a better parent, make more friends, be a better wife, find some hobbies and even find my soul in music again. Some years I succeed, and some I don't. What I just realized is that following the years that I don't succeed in my resolutions, I set those same resolutions again for the next year. How boring is that? And, the one most often at the top of the list? You know it.....Lose weight.

The quote that heads this blog was taken directly from my blog post dated 12/31/2009. Now, upon reading that, my first thought was "I used the wrong word. "Will" should have replaced each "can" in those sentences." But, no - I was writing exactly what I was thinking, and with care not to offend anyone who had planned for, but could turn their year around. I never expected for 2010 to have such polar opposite events in it for me. I'm glad it's over.

An "emotional roller coaster" is the only way that I can truly describe my feelings for 2010. The great moments, like my twins turning one, my first weight loss goal reached or celebrating 5 wonderful years of marriage seemed to have been overshadowed by the sadness in the not so great moments we were so unfortunate to have to live through.

My mother unexpectedly lost her husband in early March. Due to a mix of stubbornness, misunderstanding and a pinch of misguided anger, I had not spoken to my sister or mother in a couple of years. But, upon learning that my mother had lost her husband in such a manner as she did, I knew I needed to be there for her, with her. After the funeral, my sister, my mother and I talked, cleared the air, and began to rebuild our damaged relationship. It was slow moving, but I saw the drive, and felt the power of family - It was meant to be. When my sister was murdered in August, by a man she called her best friend, I lost a part of me. I haven't been to counseling, as I wasn't sure that I was going to need it - Maybe, I do. My heart aches and I think of her every day. Whether that's healthy, or not, I'm not sure. So, I may give in to "shrinkage" in the near future.

And, speaking of shrinkage - Good news prevails! In October, Corey and I decided we must get healthier. In the months that have passed since my last blog I've lost nearly 30 pounds! I haven't even set foot in a gym. :) Just paying closer attention to what I eat has made me rethink what I eat, when I eat and how much. Obviously, it has paid off. I intend to continue on my journey this year and lose more weight - Healthily.

I'm thinking that this must be the most difficult time in my child rearing years. A teenager in the house (in March she'll be 13!) makes for some interesting, and, sometimes frustrating, conversations. Corey and I both have cringed at some of the things Katie says, or how she says it. The children in this generation do not have the same respect that we, or our parents, had when we were young. Don't think for a moment that we haven't tried - We have, in many different, conventional and unconventional ways - to make her be the most responsible, respectful person that she can be. I just hope that sooner, rather than later, she wakes up and realizes that it's a good thing to respect your parents. It's a good thing to do what you're told when you're told, and it's a good thing to pay attention. Oh my; The attention span at 12 is ridiculous. And, I feel so sorry for those who I did the same to back when I was that age. My sincere apologies!!!

The twins are certainly not babies anymore. They're talking, climbing, playing, singing and even fighting. It's pretty funny to watch them tackle each other over a balloon, or a baby doll that the other wants. Their personalities are so different, that it makes for a true live comedy show that they put on for me every day! Kenzie is definitely the princess of the two - Loves her purses, her babies, to dress up and shoes - Oh, the shoes. A girl after my own heart! Her orneriness, takes away that princess title sometimes, though. Rayla, who is the love bug of the two, is also the roughest, wildest and meanest of the twins. She has no fear, and will run faster than the rest of the kids, climb higher than the rest and whack a head if she gets angry at a sibling. It's not funny, by any means, and we're working on that. But that rough big brother of theirs kind of makes it a little difficult to instill the no hitting rules - Sometimes, the girls are truly defending themselves!

Cooper is such a big kid now. He's smart, he's fast and he's not afraid to say what he thinks. He loves his preschool, and will be so happy to get back to it tomorrow. I think he misses his friends! Over the Christmas vacation, he made sure to keep us on our toes with his quirky quips and responses to us. Allow me to share some of the conversations we have with him:

Cooper: Daddy, I love you bigger than the moon.

Corey: Cooper, I love you bigger than the universe.

silence, a quick look around........

Cooper: Well daddy, I love you BIGGER than MOMMY!

Really? Bigger than mommy? For shit's sake. I'm not THAT big....But, in a child's eyes, everything's bigger than it seems. Right? RIGHT?? ha.

Or, how's this:

(Cooper got a little plastic monster for Christmas that eats up a littler plastic monster, and was playing with it with daddy. The bigger monster's head flips open to eat the smaller one)

Cooper: Daddy, I don't think this monster has any brains.

Corey: It doesn' t look like it, does it?

Cooper: But, Daddy has brains. And, Cooper has brains. And, Mac and Rayla have brains........

Corey: What about mommy?

Cooper: Nope. Mommy doesn't have any brains. She has hair.

hahahahahaha!! Still laugh out loud at that one.

At least he no longer thinks I look like princess Fiona. Just big and brainless.......... Actually, I'm not sure what's worse

So on to 2011 I go, with some humor in my heart, some relief that 2010 is over, and with love and intention to make this year one to remember.