I had a scare today, that has made me rethink my purpose in life, the order in which I prioritize it, and how not to take what I have for granted. Four days ago I began experiencing chest pain - You hear that, and get scared. However, I have had pain before in my chest, and it turned out to be nothing. Well, actually, it was more like anxiety. But, really, nothing. So after the pain continued on to Wednesday, then Thursday, I felt like something just might be wrong. I decided to call the doc. After the receptionist answered and I attempted to make an appointment, she informed me that I had said the magic words: "Chest Pain." After a brief chat with the Triage Nurse, I headed in for an appointment with my doctor.
After rushing to town, I visited with the doc explaining the symptoms I'd had, the feeling I was experiencing and that, since it wasn't going away, I was a bit more worried than usual. By the exam conclusion she had decided it was Pericarditis - The inflammation of the sac around the heart. Oh, crap. She began to go over reasons why I might have this, and we semi-decided that it was part of a virus that had traveled through my body a couple weeks ago, and had apparently attacked the sac around my heart. I was given the option to go to the lab for blood work, or, go home, take 2 Aleve twice a day for a day or two and then come back for labs if I wasn't getting better. I chose the latter. Unfortunately, it wasn't getting better. So this afternoon I headed to town to the lab to have my blood drawn. I just knew that something wasn't right......I knew that I needed to have that test done.
I was home for maybe an hour, when the doctor called me. She said that my SED Rate was elevated and D-Dimer was positive and elevated. Both of these tests indicate inflammation, but the concern was now that I very likely had a Blood Clot in my chest, and the pain was a result of this. This was not the news I had anticipated. And to top it off, she told me that the results concerned her significantly enough that she wouldn't let me wait until Monday to follow up. I was ordered to go to the ER immediately. Now, we had plans tonight, of course, so we had to divert things a little. The birthday party we had intended on attending now became a childcare event for our little ones. But, I had to go....If I had a pulmonary embolism my life could be at risk. This night suddenly became one of the scariest periods of my life.
The ER staff was waiting for me when I arrived, not even 45 minutes after we got the call to go. I was stationed in an ER room, gowned down, hooked up to IV's, Oxygen and all sorts of cords for tests galore. I must have looked ridiculous. With my sweet husband Corey by my side every second I had blood drawn, I was poked, prodded and was intravenously injected with dye so that I could have a CT that looked for blood clots. I was scared shitless and I wasn't sure what to think, what to say or what to do. What if this was it? What if I did have a clot....all the signs say I do? If I died, would Corey be OK? And my kids.....Oh, God my kids.....How will they ever be OK if something happened to me?? I believe that this was even scarier than knowing I was having a C-Section to deliver my babies a whole month early. My chest was still in pain, I was dehydrated and beginning to go a little crazy. The wonderful nurse offered me something to "take the edge off," and boy did it work. About 10 minutes after I received the pain meds we heard cheering in the hall.....The tests came back for me and they were negative!!! No blood clot, no inflammation of the heart. To know that all those nurses and doctors were so thrilled to have the results in hand that they did made us realize just how critical, and how bad, things could have been had the results been different. We had someone looking out for us tonight, and we were exhaling in relief along with the rest of the ER staff. So....What was wrong you ask? Here's the irony - Turns out that I have apparently "sprained" my chest wall muscle from lifting things that are too heavy, repetitively. More namely, I injured myself being a mother. Lifting my little babies (the doc's guess) is most likely the cause of my chest wall injury, causing intense heart attack like pain, and shortness of breath - and because the injury has caused inflammation the blood tests showed an increase in the SED and D-Timer. Isn't that lovely?
In perspective, this has made us think about what we have to lose. We have everything to lose, and could do so at any time. Our lives are short, and we take them for granted. Without thinking that "it could happen to me," we go about our business, working, detailing, focusing, and tiring. But, living......I think we need to do more. When Corey held my hand tonight in the hospital, I felt so much love in his grip and I saw the fear in his eyes. I know now that I have got to stop every once in a while and remind myself that this life is now. This life is mine. This life must be lived and no matter what, it, whatever that might be, CAN happen to anyone.
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