Sleep well.......

It's not easy to think when I'm tired. In fact, it's not easy to do anything when I'm tired - Which is how I feel today. The past couple of weeks have been very interesting at night. Most of the time, miss Rayla wakes up for reasons unknown, and the work begins in trying to find a way to console her. Whether it be a cup of milk, her dubbie (pacifier), or her favorite blankie, it's honestly a battle in guesses until that one thing hushes her cries. Ugh. It's like babyhood all over again....But, I think there's a little bit of manipulation going on now. Whatever it is, I sure hope we can resolve it soon. I miss sleeping through the night........

I remember that as a teenager, and even into my early twenties, I couldn't stand the taste of coffee. I knew that people drank it for the caffeine mostly, but, I couldn't figure out why - I mean, it tasted awful!! That was until I met Corey, who was a coffee King if there ever was one. Not long after we started dating did I latch on to coffee, much like a newborn to her mommy. I needed it constantly, wanted it when I couldn't have it, and if I wasn't at home and had a craving, found a coffee shack to make me a flavorful concoction of caffeine and sugar. I've come to the conclusion that it's an adult thing - And since we're all of an addictive nature in general, we can drink coffee all the coffee we want without feeling bad about it. And I do - Drink a lot, I mean. But, with the lack of sleep I've been getting lately, it's no wonder I haven't just taken over the local Starbucks. My poor tummy!

Aside from waking up to a child's bad dream cry, the dreaming dog's "woop, woop", or the middle of the night fever and tummy aches, life is grand. I sat in the living room last night with the littles and watched them play dress up in each others clothes - The girls are fascinated with Cooper's shoes and coats, and I find them attempting to wear them in play quite often. The personalities are shining through like a blinding sun, and some days I wonder how in the world I'm going to manage them all. And still, I babysit another child for a friend of mine three or four days a week. I know, you must all think I'm crazy, and I'm sure it's been a topic of conversation among a friend or two. But, it's really okay! The kids play well together for the most part, and when they don't, the timeout chair is a really FUN place to be. For me, at least!

I still haven't brightened up any since last year when I ranted about my stupidity of taking all my kids grocery shopping. Here's a good one: I took all my kids yesterday AND the kid I babysit! How's that for royal stupidity? Actually, THANK GOD, they were all fantastic, and just honked their little horns on that massive semi truck they call a shopping cart. They had fun - But getting them back in that damn car was something else. I have never had trouble getting them from cart to car, until yesterday. I'm pretty sure that all four children looked much like a bunch of possessed monkeys, screaming, kicking and flailing about like retarded fish! It was some workout getting them all in the car, one.....at......a......time....... lol.

Not all days are like that. Lucky for me, they did that outside, as we were leaving, and not inside, when we had just arrived. That would have sucked for me, and everyone else in that store.

We recently invested in the ultimate parenting tool - A minivan! Yeah, we had to down

grade from the monster Sequoia we drove to a more reasonable minivan for the young years in our children's lives. I think that had we only had 2 children, the Sequoia would have been great. But with 4 children, it was such a task to load and unload! Now, we all walk to the car, they climb in the car, and we sit and buckle. Easy, peasy, Japanesey! hehe. After looking long and hard, we decided on a Dodge Grand Caravan SXT. It's red, and I love it - As do the kids. With the dual DVD screens it's such a nice time when we get in the car! You'd wonder why they freaked out yesterday after shopping! It's quite possible they crapped and I just didn't know it..... The smell of the french fries at the nearby McDonald's can be so overwhelming at times!

A couple of weeks ago my great grandma Alberta passed away. She was 88 years old. For once in a long while, the passing of someone was not accompanied by days and weeks of sadness. She was ready to go, and after so many "last visits" to the hospital, we were ready, too. Sure, it was sad that she passed, but we all know that she's in a better place. Whether you're a Christian, like she was, and believe that she's gone to Heaven to live an eternal life, or whether you're Atheist and believe that she's gone and that's that, I think we can all agree that since she's no longer suffering, it's okay that she's gone. It was so nice to share stories and see smiles in her memory at her funeral. And, the people that came from all over the US to say goodbye was so wonderful - I know she would have loved it. But, man, I'm going to miss those cinnamon rolls!! :)

At Grandma's funeral the congregation sang songs, and recited scripture. It was like I was sitting at her house - But then again, she called her church her home. So, I guess it was fitting. We finished her service by reciting the Lords Prayer with one change she made often:

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our sins,
as we forgive those who sin against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,

the power and the glory,

for ever and ever.

Amen.

Rest in peace grandma.....and say hi to Bobbie for me!

No resolution in sight

"Twenty ten can be the year for change. It can be the year we discover great things. It can be the best year of our lives."

The new year always brings out the most optimism in even the most pessimistic of people. Resolutions are set with the full intent that "this will be the year" to fulfill those proclamations of self improvement; People say they're going to quit smoking, the gyms begin to fill with new member enrollment and more people are seen taking evening strolls through their neighborhoods. In reality, what makes January 1st any different from July 1st? In regards to resolving to better oneself, that is....

I resolved not to make a resolution this year. In the past, I have resolved to lose weight, be a better parent, make more friends, be a better wife, find some hobbies and even find my soul in music again. Some years I succeed, and some I don't. What I just realized is that following the years that I don't succeed in my resolutions, I set those same resolutions again for the next year. How boring is that? And, the one most often at the top of the list? You know it.....Lose weight.

The quote that heads this blog was taken directly from my blog post dated 12/31/2009. Now, upon reading that, my first thought was "I used the wrong word. "Will" should have replaced each "can" in those sentences." But, no - I was writing exactly what I was thinking, and with care not to offend anyone who had planned for, but could turn their year around. I never expected for 2010 to have such polar opposite events in it for me. I'm glad it's over.

An "emotional roller coaster" is the only way that I can truly describe my feelings for 2010. The great moments, like my twins turning one, my first weight loss goal reached or celebrating 5 wonderful years of marriage seemed to have been overshadowed by the sadness in the not so great moments we were so unfortunate to have to live through.

My mother unexpectedly lost her husband in early March. Due to a mix of stubbornness, misunderstanding and a pinch of misguided anger, I had not spoken to my sister or mother in a couple of years. But, upon learning that my mother had lost her husband in such a manner as she did, I knew I needed to be there for her, with her. After the funeral, my sister, my mother and I talked, cleared the air, and began to rebuild our damaged relationship. It was slow moving, but I saw the drive, and felt the power of family - It was meant to be. When my sister was murdered in August, by a man she called her best friend, I lost a part of me. I haven't been to counseling, as I wasn't sure that I was going to need it - Maybe, I do. My heart aches and I think of her every day. Whether that's healthy, or not, I'm not sure. So, I may give in to "shrinkage" in the near future.

And, speaking of shrinkage - Good news prevails! In October, Corey and I decided we must get healthier. In the months that have passed since my last blog I've lost nearly 30 pounds! I haven't even set foot in a gym. :) Just paying closer attention to what I eat has made me rethink what I eat, when I eat and how much. Obviously, it has paid off. I intend to continue on my journey this year and lose more weight - Healthily.

I'm thinking that this must be the most difficult time in my child rearing years. A teenager in the house (in March she'll be 13!) makes for some interesting, and, sometimes frustrating, conversations. Corey and I both have cringed at some of the things Katie says, or how she says it. The children in this generation do not have the same respect that we, or our parents, had when we were young. Don't think for a moment that we haven't tried - We have, in many different, conventional and unconventional ways - to make her be the most responsible, respectful person that she can be. I just hope that sooner, rather than later, she wakes up and realizes that it's a good thing to respect your parents. It's a good thing to do what you're told when you're told, and it's a good thing to pay attention. Oh my; The attention span at 12 is ridiculous. And, I feel so sorry for those who I did the same to back when I was that age. My sincere apologies!!!

The twins are certainly not babies anymore. They're talking, climbing, playing, singing and even fighting. It's pretty funny to watch them tackle each other over a balloon, or a baby doll that the other wants. Their personalities are so different, that it makes for a true live comedy show that they put on for me every day! Kenzie is definitely the princess of the two - Loves her purses, her babies, to dress up and shoes - Oh, the shoes. A girl after my own heart! Her orneriness, takes away that princess title sometimes, though. Rayla, who is the love bug of the two, is also the roughest, wildest and meanest of the twins. She has no fear, and will run faster than the rest of the kids, climb higher than the rest and whack a head if she gets angry at a sibling. It's not funny, by any means, and we're working on that. But that rough big brother of theirs kind of makes it a little difficult to instill the no hitting rules - Sometimes, the girls are truly defending themselves!

Cooper is such a big kid now. He's smart, he's fast and he's not afraid to say what he thinks. He loves his preschool, and will be so happy to get back to it tomorrow. I think he misses his friends! Over the Christmas vacation, he made sure to keep us on our toes with his quirky quips and responses to us. Allow me to share some of the conversations we have with him:

Cooper: Daddy, I love you bigger than the moon.

Corey: Cooper, I love you bigger than the universe.

silence, a quick look around........

Cooper: Well daddy, I love you BIGGER than MOMMY!

Really? Bigger than mommy? For shit's sake. I'm not THAT big....But, in a child's eyes, everything's bigger than it seems. Right? RIGHT?? ha.

Or, how's this:

(Cooper got a little plastic monster for Christmas that eats up a littler plastic monster, and was playing with it with daddy. The bigger monster's head flips open to eat the smaller one)

Cooper: Daddy, I don't think this monster has any brains.

Corey: It doesn' t look like it, does it?

Cooper: But, Daddy has brains. And, Cooper has brains. And, Mac and Rayla have brains........

Corey: What about mommy?

Cooper: Nope. Mommy doesn't have any brains. She has hair.

hahahahahaha!! Still laugh out loud at that one.

At least he no longer thinks I look like princess Fiona. Just big and brainless.......... Actually, I'm not sure what's worse

So on to 2011 I go, with some humor in my heart, some relief that 2010 is over, and with love and intention to make this year one to remember.