I'm all too familiar with the signs of heroin abuse. Not because I ever used drugs, but, because as a young child, I saw the effects it had on my parents. I could never completely understand the struggle. I remember always asking myself "Why couldn't they stop"? "Why DIDN'T they stop"? "Don't they realize that they're bad"? But, as I got older, my understanding of addiction became a little clearer. It isn't something that is easy to control. It isn't something that people want. It certainly isn't something that people need. The desire, the need to have whatever feeling is created by the drugs pulsing through their veins overwhelms every ounce of them. And, as we've recently discovered, some hide that addiction well.....
I'm a die hard Glee fan. "Gleek," I guess, is the Hollywood term for that. From the beginning, I've found myself enthralled with the idea of a really good Glee Club, probably because, in my high school days, I lived for music. Finding out about the death of Cory Monteith, Glee's reigning heartthrob, was like a punch to the gut. Not only did the world lose someone SO relevant in the entertainment world, this young life was lost because the almighty drug won the battle. Unfortunately, this is nothing new in Hollywood. A-listers from all walks of life have gone down this forsaken path into the depths of drugs, so buried in their own intoxication that they can't enjoy the lives they've been given. Quite sad.
Now, I know that there have been several deaths of relevant performers in my time, but, it's different when you have to explain to your kids why one of their favorite TV actors has died. I was sitting on the couch, scouring the world news at midnight on Saturday when I came across the first press release about his death. I gasped and started to cry. Honestly, it just took my breath away. My first instinct? Drugs. I mean, hardly ever anymore do young actors die when there hasn't been drugs involved. But, I knew because of recent interviews as well as a recent stint in a SoCal rehab center that he had publicly struggled with his addiction. I didn't tell Katie the next morning, because I just didn't even want to talk about it. But, when she came home from work, I told her. She was about as shocked as I was. No tears, though. Just utter confusion. "Why?", she asked. I didn't want to tell her my assumption, but, she asked if that was it. The coroner confirmed Tuesday that it was in fact, heroin. Disappointment with an understanding sadness came across both me and Katie, and the mother in me was reeling from the fact that, from here on out, my child will be subjected to seeing famous people take the wrong path a lot more than she realizes.....A lot more than I hope. Still, this was so sad.
Ugh.......
If you haven't ever seen it's chaos firsthand, consider yourself lucky. The pain and suffering caused by drugs is so profound and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's a demon, and, for some, impossible to control, impossible to deny.
Here's to hoping that Glee can move on and continue to be the outstanding show that it is, helping people learn who they are, helping people to accept who they are, and helping to teach people that dreams can come true, even in the most trying of times.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Monday, July 15, 2013
Let's Talk About That Later!
Summer is in full swing. The kids are getting tan while spending their days outside playing, exploring and hunting (frogs and bugs, that is!). The swimming pool is up and we've spent many a day out there cooling off in this Summer heat. Although the kids don't know how to swim, yet, we're working with them to teach them some basics. They are all doing so well, and, I'm glad we have this pool....even if the upkeep is tedious!!
So, at the ages of 4 and 6, we are now working on refining our manners. Instead of saying "I want this" or "I want that," we are learning to phrase things that are respectful and appropriate. "May I please have a cookie?" sounds so much better than "I want a cookie". Mackenzie seems to think that I should be able to read her mind. Out of the blue, on many occasions, she'll come up to me, and, in an angered voice say, "I SAID I wanted a drink of water!!" She never did say such a thing, and when you argue with her she says "But, I DID say it...yesterday!!" Okay, and she probably got water yesterday, too. She's kind of a little pit, sometimes, but, when she's doing things right, and saying things nicely, she does them really, really well. So, I just encourage nicer words. We're getting there!
As with any child, we're also learning the do's and don'ts of burps and farts. This came about recently when the children just weren't paying attention anymore and were farting at the dinner table, or belching in public...basically, making bodily noises at times when they shouldn't be. After one night of a child's SBD, (silent but deadly), I couldn't take it anymore. My new rule was that, if ever anyone, adults included, needed to pass gas when we were sitting at the table, they needed to remove themselves from the table and go into another room. I'm fairly certain that my children have taken this as a joke. Every night, like clockwork, we sit down and 10 minutes in, one yells out they have to fart, and runs from the table to another room. Then, the next child. And, the next. Here we are at dinner time and I've got kids scrambling around the house trying to find an empty room to fart in. Rayla didn't really get it, and ran to the kitchen. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry because, for the longest time, all I wanted was my kids to sit still at the table and eat with no distractions. They had it down!! Yet, here we are.
In recent weeks those curious body questions have begun to come out of the wood works from Cooper. A couple weeks ago he said to me "Mom, I know that babies come out of your tummy because you have to have your tummy cut, but how do babies get in there"? I didn't argue the c-section thing, because that's all he knows, and for now, all he needs to know. When it came to the latter part of that question I stammered for a bit before saying "Let's talk about that later"! Normally, we're pretty open with the kids when they ask questions, but he's not ready for that. Heck, I'M not ready for that. But, I suppose it's better that it come from me in a simple manner rather than in a classroom taught by someone who is not filtered. (There was an incident in our little town recently where a teacher allegedly went in to graphic detail about sexual situations with 4th graders.....graphic enough for the school district to invite parents to a meeting to express their concerns). So, back to us...... In short, I haven't told him how babies get there and I'm not going to for a while. At 6 that could mentally traumatize him and he would no longer see mom and dad in the same way again. I'd miss that!!
Last week, after a couple of hours playing in the pool, the kids noticed that their toes and fingers had become "pruny" just like they do during bath time. They asked why, and we explained that when your skin is wet for a while, it gets soft and wrinkly...but soon it dries and your skin is smooth and soft again. End of conversation? No. So later that night while I was putting Cooper to bed he sits up and asks "Mom, why are my balls always pruny"? Shocked, I had to turn my face and hold my laugh, because it was obvious he was quite serious. I said "Well, son, that's just the way they are."
Cooper: "But, they're always like that, even if I haven't been in the water, and you said that skin gets pruny when it gets wet!"
Me: "Balls are different son. It's stays that way to keep them protected."
Cooper: "Are Kenzie and Rayla's balls pruny, too?
Me: "They don't have balls, son. They have a vagina. They don't have a penis, either."
Cooper: "THEY DON'T?" "What about you and dad....Do you guys have balls?"
Me: "I'm a girl, so I don't have balls. But, yes, you dad does....all boys and men do!"
Cooper: "Are they pruny just like mine!?!?!"
At this point I shook my head, laughed and told him he needed to go to sleep. In all the conversations that I imagined having with my son, this was not one of them. But at least he knows I don't have balls.....At least, not in a physical way!
When is the right time to tell your kids about this stuff? I remember having this question when I contemplated telling Katie a few years back. I'm glad I told her what I did when I did, because the stuff she could access today could easily cloud judgment of what is right and wrong. In the meantime, I'll just continue to teach manners, body parts and, in time, functions.
Oh, boy.
So, at the ages of 4 and 6, we are now working on refining our manners. Instead of saying "I want this" or "I want that," we are learning to phrase things that are respectful and appropriate. "May I please have a cookie?" sounds so much better than "I want a cookie". Mackenzie seems to think that I should be able to read her mind. Out of the blue, on many occasions, she'll come up to me, and, in an angered voice say, "I SAID I wanted a drink of water!!" She never did say such a thing, and when you argue with her she says "But, I DID say it...yesterday!!" Okay, and she probably got water yesterday, too. She's kind of a little pit, sometimes, but, when she's doing things right, and saying things nicely, she does them really, really well. So, I just encourage nicer words. We're getting there!
As with any child, we're also learning the do's and don'ts of burps and farts. This came about recently when the children just weren't paying attention anymore and were farting at the dinner table, or belching in public...basically, making bodily noises at times when they shouldn't be. After one night of a child's SBD, (silent but deadly), I couldn't take it anymore. My new rule was that, if ever anyone, adults included, needed to pass gas when we were sitting at the table, they needed to remove themselves from the table and go into another room. I'm fairly certain that my children have taken this as a joke. Every night, like clockwork, we sit down and 10 minutes in, one yells out they have to fart, and runs from the table to another room. Then, the next child. And, the next. Here we are at dinner time and I've got kids scrambling around the house trying to find an empty room to fart in. Rayla didn't really get it, and ran to the kitchen. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry because, for the longest time, all I wanted was my kids to sit still at the table and eat with no distractions. They had it down!! Yet, here we are.
In recent weeks those curious body questions have begun to come out of the wood works from Cooper. A couple weeks ago he said to me "Mom, I know that babies come out of your tummy because you have to have your tummy cut, but how do babies get in there"? I didn't argue the c-section thing, because that's all he knows, and for now, all he needs to know. When it came to the latter part of that question I stammered for a bit before saying "Let's talk about that later"! Normally, we're pretty open with the kids when they ask questions, but he's not ready for that. Heck, I'M not ready for that. But, I suppose it's better that it come from me in a simple manner rather than in a classroom taught by someone who is not filtered. (There was an incident in our little town recently where a teacher allegedly went in to graphic detail about sexual situations with 4th graders.....graphic enough for the school district to invite parents to a meeting to express their concerns). So, back to us...... In short, I haven't told him how babies get there and I'm not going to for a while. At 6 that could mentally traumatize him and he would no longer see mom and dad in the same way again. I'd miss that!!
Last week, after a couple of hours playing in the pool, the kids noticed that their toes and fingers had become "pruny" just like they do during bath time. They asked why, and we explained that when your skin is wet for a while, it gets soft and wrinkly...but soon it dries and your skin is smooth and soft again. End of conversation? No. So later that night while I was putting Cooper to bed he sits up and asks "Mom, why are my balls always pruny"? Shocked, I had to turn my face and hold my laugh, because it was obvious he was quite serious. I said "Well, son, that's just the way they are."
Cooper: "But, they're always like that, even if I haven't been in the water, and you said that skin gets pruny when it gets wet!"
Me: "Balls are different son. It's stays that way to keep them protected."
Cooper: "Are Kenzie and Rayla's balls pruny, too?
Me: "They don't have balls, son. They have a vagina. They don't have a penis, either."
Cooper: "THEY DON'T?" "What about you and dad....Do you guys have balls?"
Me: "I'm a girl, so I don't have balls. But, yes, you dad does....all boys and men do!"
Cooper: "Are they pruny just like mine!?!?!"
At this point I shook my head, laughed and told him he needed to go to sleep. In all the conversations that I imagined having with my son, this was not one of them. But at least he knows I don't have balls.....At least, not in a physical way!
When is the right time to tell your kids about this stuff? I remember having this question when I contemplated telling Katie a few years back. I'm glad I told her what I did when I did, because the stuff she could access today could easily cloud judgment of what is right and wrong. In the meantime, I'll just continue to teach manners, body parts and, in time, functions.
Oh, boy.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
You Get What You Get And You Don't Throw A Fit!!
Doing childcare in my home is not something that I'm going to do forever. I love kids, don't get me wrong. But, for now, so that I can be home with my children and still make a little money, child caring is how I spend my days, and I'm really blessed to have a group of absolutely wonderful kids. At the present time I have all three of my younger children, a sibling set ages 4 and 5, and a 1 year old. That's 6 children between 1 and 6. That's a lot of kids!! But, when it comes down to it, once you've had as many kids as I've had, another two, or three, is nothing. Sure, they all keep me busy, but, they keep each other busy, too. which allows time for me to do laundry, etc....
One of the most challenging things I have had to deal with is the feeding aspect of the childcare. My children are not real picky eaters, but, occasionally they decided they don't like something. Some days they like pickles, and the one day I put it on their plate without them asking for it is the day they don't like it. Rayla appears to be allergic to more and more things....For the past two days Rayla has developed an itchy throat while eating cinnamon toast crunch, her favorite cereal. Anyways, too much dairy for her and her tummy hurts and she gets gassy. (Isn't that lactose intolerance?) She only drinks almond milk, and I've changed her to Greek yogurt because she can still handle that for some reason. Lots of fruit, as many vegetables as I can convince her to eat, and meat...the kid loves meat. In fact, all of my children love meat. One of the children that I care for will not eat meat. Her family does not practice a vegan lifestyle, and they don't know where this particular preference came from, but she just doesn't seem to like meat. ANY meat. She won't even try it! At first, I was frustrated because I wanted to make sure that she was eating something for lunch, so I made her something special for each meal. After addressing this concern after the first week with their mother, she explained that, because of her daughter's unusual eating habits that sometimes she just went hungry. They have a motto at their house that they go by: "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." I like it. At first I tried to cater to her needs, but I was making stuff, like cold butter and cheese sandwiches, at her request, that ended up nothing like her grandma, mother, father or grandpa made it. So, then I tried it........... You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. And IT WORKS! She usually eats now, or at least tries something. Or, if I make something like mac and cheese with hot dogs, I just leave the dogs off her plate. You'd think that it would have been that simple for me in the beginning. But, everything is a learning process when it comes to children. There is never a rhyme or reason for their thoughts or their actions, and it's my job, both as a parent and a caregiver, to help them understand how to harness their desires and help them understand that this is not a restaurant....our new motto, although borrowed, is such a simple thing. And, I love that my own kids understand it, too! We've had less special requests from my own kids since instilling this new motto, and that makes meal prep a breeze for me!
Katie is working now. I worried that she wouldn't fit in (functionally, that is) because she's never done anything along the lines of hard, repetitive labor for long hours. But, it appears she is doing just fine! She's working on the cherry line this year for the family farm. She gets to do box prep and sorting of the cherries, something she's never done before! And, since most of the people who are working the line speak little English, she's getting immersed in Spanish, which is the best way to learn it!! She arrived home yesterday hot, sweaty, but really content with a full day's work. As a mother who knows that hard work pays off in more ways than one, I was so proud. But, even more so, I was happy that she was happy about going back today. But, I think we need to get a better morning schedule going. She needs to be able to make her own lunch to take and not depend on mom to get her ready for work! I gave her two days......she gets tomorrow! Hopefully, she gets up early enough to get that lunch ready, and that she likes it enough that she actually eats it, or she'll be one hungry girl!! (Whether you agree or not, I think this makes me a good mom....instilling good responsibility in my child, that is!)
So whether they are small and innocent, or grown and heading into the world, getting fed is still an important part of what I oversee. And, that new motto I've hijacked is about perfect for my family as it could be. I make it you eat it......or you don't!!
One of the most challenging things I have had to deal with is the feeding aspect of the childcare. My children are not real picky eaters, but, occasionally they decided they don't like something. Some days they like pickles, and the one day I put it on their plate without them asking for it is the day they don't like it. Rayla appears to be allergic to more and more things....For the past two days Rayla has developed an itchy throat while eating cinnamon toast crunch, her favorite cereal. Anyways, too much dairy for her and her tummy hurts and she gets gassy. (Isn't that lactose intolerance?) She only drinks almond milk, and I've changed her to Greek yogurt because she can still handle that for some reason. Lots of fruit, as many vegetables as I can convince her to eat, and meat...the kid loves meat. In fact, all of my children love meat. One of the children that I care for will not eat meat. Her family does not practice a vegan lifestyle, and they don't know where this particular preference came from, but she just doesn't seem to like meat. ANY meat. She won't even try it! At first, I was frustrated because I wanted to make sure that she was eating something for lunch, so I made her something special for each meal. After addressing this concern after the first week with their mother, she explained that, because of her daughter's unusual eating habits that sometimes she just went hungry. They have a motto at their house that they go by: "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." I like it. At first I tried to cater to her needs, but I was making stuff, like cold butter and cheese sandwiches, at her request, that ended up nothing like her grandma, mother, father or grandpa made it. So, then I tried it........... You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. And IT WORKS! She usually eats now, or at least tries something. Or, if I make something like mac and cheese with hot dogs, I just leave the dogs off her plate. You'd think that it would have been that simple for me in the beginning. But, everything is a learning process when it comes to children. There is never a rhyme or reason for their thoughts or their actions, and it's my job, both as a parent and a caregiver, to help them understand how to harness their desires and help them understand that this is not a restaurant....our new motto, although borrowed, is such a simple thing. And, I love that my own kids understand it, too! We've had less special requests from my own kids since instilling this new motto, and that makes meal prep a breeze for me!
Katie is working now. I worried that she wouldn't fit in (functionally, that is) because she's never done anything along the lines of hard, repetitive labor for long hours. But, it appears she is doing just fine! She's working on the cherry line this year for the family farm. She gets to do box prep and sorting of the cherries, something she's never done before! And, since most of the people who are working the line speak little English, she's getting immersed in Spanish, which is the best way to learn it!! She arrived home yesterday hot, sweaty, but really content with a full day's work. As a mother who knows that hard work pays off in more ways than one, I was so proud. But, even more so, I was happy that she was happy about going back today. But, I think we need to get a better morning schedule going. She needs to be able to make her own lunch to take and not depend on mom to get her ready for work! I gave her two days......she gets tomorrow! Hopefully, she gets up early enough to get that lunch ready, and that she likes it enough that she actually eats it, or she'll be one hungry girl!! (Whether you agree or not, I think this makes me a good mom....instilling good responsibility in my child, that is!)
So whether they are small and innocent, or grown and heading into the world, getting fed is still an important part of what I oversee. And, that new motto I've hijacked is about perfect for my family as it could be. I make it you eat it......or you don't!!
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