Momentary Indiscretions

Katie decided to explain to us a situation that she came across where she made a high schooler apologize to a 6th grader on her bus the first week of school. She said that the girl, who is "eclectically outgoing" told this poor, young, innocent kid that she wanted him to be her friend. Naturally, the boy said "no." The girl then proceeded to cal him names and antagonize him with words and phrases that were, according to Katie, obviously unfamiliar to this little guy. Seeing his discomfort, and the blatant use of words that Katie disapproved of, she told the girl to stop, and to apologize to him for saying such things. When we asked her what the girl said she whispered, "It's bad. It starts with the letter 'C'." Naturally, our open discussions became a waterfall of endless derogatory words that started with 'C." But, after listing every single derogatory word we could think of, bad to not-so-bad, we just couldn't figure out what this girl called the boy that was so bad that Katie wouldn't say it. The curious parents we are, we insisted that she tell us right away what was said. After MUCH hesitation, she whispered "crackhead." WHAT? That is the swear word that she couldn't say? I KNOW she's heard much worse, either by other kids or on TV. But, THIS was the word that sent her over the edge? Two things struck me at that moment. First, good on us for instilling such foul language barriers, that, when my daughter hears something like that, she is appalled. Second, poor her for thinking that THAT is the worst she's likely to hear over the next four years. We laughed hysterically both at the fact that she didn't react on the foul words she heard the girl say, and again at all the words, nearly all of them unknown to her, that we inadvertently burned into her brain when trying to figure out what word made her so upset. I think we had a moment of mixed good and bad parenting at that moment. I guess we'll see.

Several months ago Katie lost her phone due to a momentary indiscretion. I've heard that before - Oh, yes, that's what Kristen Stewart calls her affair to her Snow White and The Huntsman director Rupert Sanders. Well, her indiscretion was not as bad, but enough for us to keep her phone. She lost it in May and never was able to touch it again until she returned from California the end of August. She is still not allowed to take it with her anywhere, but uses it on occasion here at home. She has been working hard trying to prove to us how responsible she can be, in order to regain it. Yeah, I know, 5 months is a long time to take away a phone from a kid, but she deserved it. I do see that she has been working hard to regain trust. Corey doesn't ever want her to have the phone again, but, I thought at some point she'd probably get it back. But, this week something happened that made me think about it a little more. Katie seemed down, and we asked her what was bothering her. She went down a list that was everything from nerves from the first week of school, to the pressure and anxiety she was feeling for having to change classes two weeks in (she was misplaced in math and she needed a higher level.) And then she said the one thing that we, her uber-social parents, nearly fell over about. "I need my cell phone because it's so much easier to talk to people that way. You text them, they text you and you never have to say a word to anyone." OH, BOY. And, she's not the only one who feels that way. All but ONE friend she has will be texting, texting, texting and texting until they have calluses on their hands when they come over. They text boys. They text friends. Hell, they even text each other in the SAME ROOM! What in the world has happened to our kids, that they think the only way to communicate appropriately with people is via text? I'll tell you what it is - It's the dependence on cell phones that our society has made kids think they need. I have a cell phone. I use it. But you're not going to catch me doing all my communication on there. I have friends who I text, and sometimes it's because I KNOW they're in a place that they can't talk, but I want to get them a message. But, I have NO problem calling someone to chat with them. That is how we communicate with people.....we talk. But our teenagers are confused. They don't have the speaking skills that we were made to develop at their age. They walk the halls with their cell phones, using them to speak to each other, hiding behind the wall of the digital era. It's not okay. They're not going to be okay. Therefore, it is decidedly so that Katie will not have that phone returned just yet. And, if friends come into this house, they should respect our wishes for verbal forms of communication. This is a problem, and when our kids think that this is the "best" way to talk to people, we're in trouble. Because, in a few years, when they're all able to vote, they won't know how to "voice" their opinion. And, for all we know, they'll vote in Miley Cyrus to run our country. Help me help these kids - Make them talk. Make them realize how much damage they're creating for themselves. I'm doing it for Katie's future; for her success. How successful will your kids be? At least give it a try. Katie's gone without for 5 months. She's had moments of upset. But, when she wants to talk to someone, she can just call them. We made it through our younger years without cell phones and our kids can, too. Tell them for one week to use their phones for emergencies only. If they need a ride, or they will be late, have them CALL you. Have them CALL their friends. I wonder what you'll discover if you take that privilege away from your kids for a week. I discovered that my kid can actually talk....and it's nice. I missed that.

I Love a Rainy Night

For five years I have been a stay at home mom. And, for five years, my social life pretty much went to crap. I did have a bunco group that I've been a part of that, unfortunately, recently dissolved. But, aside from that I haven't gone out much, and have turned down invitations to go out, or even left gatherings early to relieve whichever family member had been recruited for the evening to take on the task of corralling all 4 children.

At the end of the school year last year we got a call from a girl who was a student of Corey's brother at Hood River High school - Her name is Anii. She informed Corey that she was given our number because we were looking for a babysitter and she was available. Funny thing, though, we weren't!! We SHOULD have been, and had discussed it, but, had not taken action, really. So, the brother in law gave our number to someone who he thought would be a good fit for our family - Or, maybe that was his way of saying "GET A REAL SITTER!"
Long story short: We hired her, we love her and she's been our sitter for any dates or outings that we've had this entire Summer.

This, as you can imagine, didn't sit well with Katie. Here she is, 14 years old, and we've hired a 16 year old to come in, sometimes while she was here, to babysit the younger kids. After Katie returned from California, something in her had changed - something good. She was suddenly WANTING to talk to us, WANTING to help us and WANTING to have new levels of responsibility sent her way. Her first babysitting experience was for my brother and sister in laws 3 month old son Ren. Now, you can imagine how nervous I was over this, and hesitated significantly at first. But, when I asked Katie how she felt about it she became excited and was more than willing to take on this task. Okay. I let her do it...surprise, surprise; she did fine. And, so, we've tested her a couple of times with her own siblings, last night being her first "late night" while Corey and I were out with friends. After a banter of texts back and forth, us checking on her, her getting disgusted with the 30 minute check ins, she did it!!! And, I'm so proud...Thanks, Katie!

So, about last night;

Corey and I attended a gathering at a friend's house this weekend to celebrate the completion of their new shop. They hired a band, PHOENIX, to play, and man, were they good!! They rocked it, and many of the 80 plus people there were dancing and having a blast. Jello shots were passed around, and Marcie came up with a new drink concoction that was so yummy I had two. (4 smashed raspberries, 2oz citrus vodka, 2oz triple sec, and a top of of 7up) I'm sure the one Marcie made was a little stronger than mine, but I was sunburned after tending a garage sale all day yesterday, and wasn't up for being in pain inside and out!! Anyways, the night started fine, with a little wind at our backs. But, as the evening progressed I noticed the dark clouds heading in. Eventually came the thunder and lightning (HORRIBLE for the fire in White Salmon being battled) and then, at 10PM, just moments after the band stopped for an intermission, the rain began - And, not just any rain - I mean, these drops were HUGE. It has not rained in 3 months, and it was 90 degrees yesterday with few clouds, so the band had set up outside with no cover. No one ever thought it would rain!!  Everyone ran to the shop and the band members scrambled to gather and protect their electronics. It was slightly chaotic for a few moments. But, all chaos and worry went out the door when I saw everyone gathered in this shop, trying to stay dry and stay out of the way of the band. Outside, in the dark, everyone was glistening, people were dancing like they were on So You Think You Can Dance - after all, it was pretty dark out there on the "dance floor" and it was all about pure, unrestricted fun.  But, inside under the fluorescent lights everyone was just as they were. People looked haggard - Like it had been a REALLY hard day! Haha!  The glistening wasn't a glow, but the sweat from dancing. The hairs that, in the dark looked well put together were actually quite tousled.  Nobody was dancing inside, but everyone was talking and having a good time. Nobody cared how each other looked. The laughter resumed and in no time the music had been turned back on. It was too much for the band to set everything up again, so they packed up and left. THIS was fun. This was real, and I enjoyed being out with my friends just being......us. I loved meeting new people and having grown up conversations. The food was wonderful, the drinks were a plenty and the music was right. Heaven knows that if this was a group of twenty somethings they would have all ran to their cars to leave when the rain began. This was a very nice way to end a Saturday night.

So, thank you to Katie for staying home with the kids so we could go out. Thank you to the Zorza's for hosting such fun (and to Kris for protecting my honor in Corey's dream,) and thank you to everyone who made it a memorable night out for me - I've been out more in the past 3 months than the past 5 years....I like it!! Keep it comin', friends!!

Makin' Memories with Mama

It's funny how when you're younger, and you go places with your mom, sometimes you just don't "get it." A mother always has a reason behind what she does, where she takes her children and how she spends her time bonding with her children. It's no secret that my mother and I haven't been as close as a mother and daughter normally are, but, in my adulthood I've discovered her reasons for doing what she did with my sister and me as children, because, I've begun to mimic some of those things. (We always say we'll never be like our mothers, and, yet, somehow something about us always is.)

As somber as it sounds, I love visiting Willamette Cemetery in Albany, Oregon, but, for good reason; All of the relatives on my mothers side of the family are there. When I was little my mother used to take me there and we'd place flowers along the graves of aunts, uncles and grandparents. My mother and I also have something in common - We both lost a sister at a young age. You know my story with my sister, but, my mother lost her sister Beverly to cancer at 12 years old - My Mom was just 14. Beverly's grave is also there, and my mom often visited the cemetery to talk with her and reminisce. When I was younger, I just thought it was a part of what you do....Now I realize that there's a grieving process that occurs, and sometimes going to "talk" with those you've lost help to bring a sense of closure and give you the ability to move on. It's been years since I've been there, but, on the way to southern Oregon to pick up Katie a few weeks ago, I stopped by. The only sounds were the "whoosh" of cars rushing on the freeway in the far distance and the water splashing in the nearby pond. It was peaceful. I talked with my grandpa, whom I was very close with until he passed in 1999, and as I left, there was a solace within me. I felt the way my mother looked every time we left that cemetery when I was a kid. I get it now.

I told my mother about that visit just last week. Ironically enough, without her knowing I was going to be there, she traveled across the mountain from Bend a day later to visit the same place - It's been years for her, too. She also went down to the river, with my sister's urn in tow, to look for agates. We did that every morning - My mother, my sister and I - And, often, my grandpa, too - We went to the river banks of the Willamette and looked for beautiful agates. My sister and I called our mom and grandpa "rock hounds." My mother called us her "pebble puppies." As my mother reminisced on the phone with me about her little trip, she broke down into tears saying how much she wished I had been there with her, too, for old times sake. She had imagined holding our hands, my sister's and mine, while walking along the river, picking up pink, clear and yellow shiny, sparkly rocks. In a nutshell, she was dreaming of how things used to be....Those childhood memories of mine. And, in the tears she shed, I discovered, without her having to say it, that it was the realization that those times are no longer possible. Those days of simplicity are gone.

I suppose this is reminder to myself, and everyone else, for that matter, to make more memories, take more pictures, and find more special moments to leave for your children in the future. I have lots of memories with my mom and my sister, but, somehow the photographers in my family sucked just enough that I have very few "face shots" of us as kids, and no pictures of us as adults. Thank goodness I have a decent memory!! As for now, I know that some of the simple things I share with my children are the things that they'll take with them into adulthood. And, for them, those days of simplicity have just begun.