I wanna be independent...

As the children and I planted our strawberry plants yesterday in the pots that grandpa bought them for Easter, I am bluntly reminded, probably for the fourth time yesterday, that my children are very independent. "No mom, you don't do it like this.....you do it like THIS!" Being said, of course, while the potting soil is being spread generously over my beautifully tended and healthy grass. I know, what's a little soil going to do, right? Well, it's not just that; I figure I am going to be *pleasantly* surprised in a couple of months when some strawberries begin to grow in that well manicured grass. And, then I'll have to fight the children as I try to replant it so I can mow the stinkin' grass around it. I'm not going to leave a mound of grass, dirt and strawberries in the middle of my yard. And, Heaven knows those kids are not going to let me move it without a fight.

I'm still debating with myself about whether Mackenzie is "good" at it, or "bad" at it, when it comes to wanting to be independent. She will stand her ground, arms crossed, scowl of the century on her face and refuse to budge if she is being asked to do something she doesn't want to do. Yeah, it's cute and all, but it's also enough to raise my blood pressure to steaming levels at times. This is where the drop and flail come in, along with a bloody murder scream that sends even the deafest person to their knees. (Mackenzie, not me) Amid all of her "ground standing" she's also the most communicative of all three of my girls. She E-N-U-N-C-I-A-T-E-S everything and makes sure you're listening. Think you can brush this one off? Not a chance!! She'll demand attention to the point of testing you to make sure you're paying very close attention to her (learned this the hard way.) She will ask you a direct question with the expectation that you'll answer her question correctly. If you don't, she'll call you on it. Now, coming from a 3 year old especially, this can be annoying - But, at the same time it reassures me that this little girl is going to be fine. She's going to have friends. She's going to be able to participate in groups well. She, is the person that many of us wish we could be; Direct, honest, clear, concise and despite her sometimes blatant disregard of my demands, she's as friendly as a kid could be.

Now, Rayla wants to be independent, too. But, not nearly as bad as Kenzie. Rayla will repeat her question LOUD and OBNOXIOUSLY until you've answered her. But, that's about as far as it goes. A good count to 3 gets Rayla moving in the appropriate direction - She doesn't like time out very well - And, since she has spent a fair amount of time there lately, I'm hoping that we move past this stage very, very soon.

I never knew potty training could be so stressful; I'm sure there is, but, for today, I can think of nothing worse than the painstaking task of potty training two toddler girls. I get so excited when they go in the potty, and then I get really excited when I think we're doing really well, and on the right track. Then, they regress right back to when we first began.....MONTHS ago. I've actually been half tempted to do some of the things that I've seen other people put on Facebook to try to potty train their children. I saw a picture one woman posted of her daughter, sitting on a potty chair, watching the TV with sippy cup in hand. I also saw a picture of someone asleep in the tub while their child was sitting on the potty. Somehow, "half tempted"  can't bring me to such actions. I will not allow a potty to be in the living room, for obvious reasons. Food and drink is also not allowed in a child's hand while on the potty. Seems sensible, right? And, believe you, me, I will never sit long enough in a bathroom with a child on a pot for one or both of us to fall asleep. I can't say for sure if that's just me being lazy. But, there has to be some way to get through this!!! My children are so unpredictable that it's become nearly impossible to time it right. Like today, the girls pottied  RIGHT before we walked out of the door to the Dentist office. We got to the office 15 minutes later and Rayla says "Mommy, I have to pee." Now, I was just signing them in, so she had to wait a whopping 10 seconds before we could go. By the time we got to the bathroom, 25 feet away, she had filled her pullup. Really!?!? Naturally, because I am an optimistic mommy, I left the pullup bag in the car thinking we could get through a 30 minute appointment without a pullup change. So, she bare assed it (with pants on) and I crossed my fingers and prayed that she wouldn't piss all over the Dentist's chair. She didn't, thank goodness!! But, you get my point. It's such a PAIN!

Looking back on when Katie was the twins' age, I can't remember potty training being this hard. And, quite possibly, it's because there are two children to train, not just one. But someone, you'd think that after 3 years of doing double of everything, I'd have this down. It seems that I don't. My definition of independence seems to have gotten a little skewed over the past few years...and it really has nothing to do with a solid definition set in a Webster's Dictionary. I have learned that independence is different for every one of us; And patience is a virtue.

Ladies First!

For the past few years I've blogged about my kids getting sick. And, for some reason, they get sick more often than many other kids we know. My house is clean, and is by no means an abnormal harbor for unusual bacteria. And, when I say "my house is clean", I mean I sweep, vacuum, wash down everything and try to keep up on laundry, DAILY. It's cluttered. I've got kids, it's going to look like a hurricane
went through on most days. I suppose that this is what I get for bragging that Katie NEVER got sick.

Lucky for me the doctor's office is quite patient with me. Every person in there, billing, triage, the nurses and the doctors all know me and all

my kids by first name. For obvious reasons, that's a good and a bad thing. My kids love the doctor's office. They know how to get there, point it out every time we drive by, and get upset when they're not the ones going in to see the doctor. They get excited to see the toys, the books and then get excited all over again when their names get called to go back. Who likes going to the doctor, really? My kids are just weird, I guess.

Kenzie has had some problems with UTI's since she was an infant, and yesterday she ended up back at the doc's to evaluate another one. Ugh. This was the first time that any of my children have shown signs of a fear of peeing. We had been given a pee hat to use, but somehow that appeared off putting to her. We tried the hat on the toilet (like it should be used), and I even tried to have her squat on it. Well, after a couple minutes of grunting (I really though she was trying to pee) I look down to find that she h

as pooped in the pee hat. Okay. Yeah, that just doesn't work. For nearly 40 minutes I talked it up, I coaxed, I offered treats to Mackenzie before she finally decided to drip into a cup. Apparently, when pee fear is present, I need to NOT act like she needs to go, ignore her and when I hear a dribble in the toilet, stick the cup under as fast as I can to catch some pee. By the end of that forty minutes I honest to God felt like I had just conquered a task which would soon reward me with ribbons and whistles. Still waiting....

The newest thing my girls have introduced me to is their wet noodle drop, accompanied by a scream at any place, at any time, and for any reason. Some of the instances these displays of Yakisoba have been present, just in the past two weeks, include: Leaving the ball park. Leaving a park. Leaving Meemaw's. Leaving home. Walking into the store. Walking out of the store. Going the wrong direction (according to Kenzie) in the grocery store. Turning the wrong direction (again, according to Kenzie) while driving. Now, if you can imagine the wet noodle in the car, that's when, between the screams and flails, their noodle-iscious selves wriggle out of their car seat and onto the floor. Yes, I stop the car. Yes, I am angry when this happens. Yes, I have laughed at it, too. The best part though? A double noodle throw down. Two noodles is a good show. Two, loud, screaming noodles hanging on my arm as I attempt to drag them to the car has to be the best show I've hosted so far. The noodles even dropped in the middle of the road...I was so proud to be their mom that day!! (Pure sarcasm, there, folks!)) My ass isn't particularly look worthy, but, I bet that nearly everyone in the ballpark that day was pretty happy to see my ass as it meant we were leaving.

It gets better. I'm sure of it. In a couple of years they won't scream. They won't act out. They won't noodle up on me. I've got spaghetti sauce ready for the next show, though. :)

And, my momma brag for the day. First of all, my Katie made honorable mention with a 3.2 gpa. Way to go, girl!! And Cooper; I am happy to say that a couple of weeks ago my son schooled a 6 year old in manners, instructing a boy to say "please" and "thank you" when asking me for something. And, then I was slapped in the face at that whole manners thing when, at tee ball practice last week, one dad said to the kids "ladies first" referring to allowing the girls to hit the ball first. One boy says "My dad says that all the time at home." Coopers response? "Not mine!"

I'm Every Woman!

Happy International Women's Day! Today, we celebrate woman, and all that they (we) do. As an homage to the women in my life, I wanted to take a moment to recognize some of the women who have inspired me. Here is a list of 10 women who made an impact on my life at some point.

1.) My Grandma Mabel. Without her, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. She is the other half of the whole that raised me well; With good old fashioned manners, with love, with respect, with intelligence and with the passion to do my best in whatever I put my heart to.

2.) My Mother Darlyne. In my younger years she struggled to find who she was, which in turn made it difficult for her to guide me into who I needed to be. Lucky for her, I had some strong bloodlines that helped to keep my head above water. Now that I'm an adult, and I see how hard it is, I admire her for overcoming the years in her life that dragged her down, and staying strong through the saddest part of her life. She's proof in the pudding that addictions can be overcome, and inner strength is much more inspirational that physical strength.

3.) My sister Bobbie. In our younger years, together, we found the thrill in discovering things outdoors. It was her reckless abandon mixed with my fear of getting in trouble that helped me to discover that, without just doing it, you'll never know what the outcome might be. In light of that, I wonder how many times God has rolled his eyes at her when she's decided she's going to do something.

4.) Mariah Carey. Yeah, that almost seems juvenile. But, she was part of the reason that I fell in love with singing. Her five octave voice, and impeccable vocals were something out of a storybook when I was a teenager. Her music wasn't vulgar, and her songs were inspirational. To an impressionable girl like myself, she was everything. And that's probably why I still admire her today.

5.) Amelia Earhart. A woman who could fly. What else is there to say? Her person stands for much more than a woman in the cockpit of an airplane. She brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "You'll never know if you never try."

6.) Michelle Obama. No, I haven't known of her for long, but what a woman she is! Not only can she dress well, she is not just about the inside lines of politics. She's out on the front-lines being a mom, and one hell of a spokesperson for schools to promote good health choices in children. It's nice to see her doing what she does. And, aside from the fact that she faced unknown amounts of criticism, you know, with her husband being the first black president and all, she has made every effort to ensure that their children have not been put in harms way of paparazzi. They have two daughters, right? :)

7.) Princess Diana. Her daughter in law is headed in the right direction, for sure. But, who can say that whenever they look at any picture of Diana, there isn't a natural ambiance of royalty? She oozed royalty - And she acted it, too. In every story, in every picture, in every tale told of her, she is what all us girls ever dreamed of being. And, despite the scandalous royal divorce, she was as graceful as any woman I've ever seen in such a circumstance. Divorces are tough, I know....But she never faltered in the spotlight. And that takes one strong woman.

8.) Lizzie Lehmer. She and I met in the 4th grade at Boise/Eliot Elementary school in Portland. I was a poor kid, new to the area and pretty weird to most. In fact, I had a hard time making friends that first year - It was when the gangs, the Bloods and the Crips, were as present as air in the neighborhoods. It was uncomfortable for me to be around such a thing....But, Lizzie became my friend. She stood up for me when I was picked on, and she welcomed me into her home, into her family - She didn't have to, but she did. Not all friends last a lifetime, but, some are so important to hold on to, and she's one of them. Without her, I might not have done nearly as well as I did. We are still friends today, and I'm so glad we are.

9.) Maija Yasui. I'm fairly certain that this woman is not just an inspiration to me...She's got a long history of being there for a lot of people, for a lot of reasons! Most women fear even the words "mother in law." But, she makes it easy not to. Without her, many days of my past 5 years would not have been doable. And, she's not only been there in a physical sense, but an emotional sense too. The night I found out that my sister was missing she came to the house and found me in worst shape than I've ever been in; Delirious, empty, non-present. She hugged me and consoled me like a mother would. I've always remembered that moment.... I'm so glad that I have a mother in law as wonderful as her. I wish every woman had such a gift.

10.) Stephanie Meyer. I am not ashamed to say that I fell absolutely in love with the Twilight Saga. I know, you're probably thinking "Really? Stephanie Meyer?" But, hear me out. Here is this stay at home mom, plugging along every day doing her thing....you know, the cooking, the cleaning, the butt wiping....and she has a dream. A dream about a girl who falls in love with a vampire. And she made it come to life in her books. In the past 5 years as a stay at home mom, I have had all sorts of dreams that could have easily been put into story. But, she made it happen. And, like any stay at home mom, it's the desire to have your silent dreams come true that makes that woman all the more inspirational to me.

As you can imagine, there are more than just ten inspirational women in my life. But, I thought these were the ones to share. All of them have made an impact on me that have made , or could make, my life all the more interesting. So recognize women today. It's our day. It's your day.

You can't do that standing up!

I am momentarily taking a break from one of, in my opinion, the worst parts of parenting little ones. The snot. Yes, all three little ones are currently drowning in snotsville, and, though we're trying to get the whole blowing your nose thing down, it's still a disgusting mess. Actually, for some reason, this time around I'm not doing so bad. In the past I've been known to gag, walk away and even vomit. Snotty noses are not my strong suit! At the current moment I have them all lathered in Vicks BabyRub...So I'm not completely sure how much of that shiny stuff on their faces is Vicks, and what's snot. Here's to hoping it ends soon so I don't have to be question it!

Next week we will be registering Cooper for Kindergarten. YIKES!! I can't believe that he's almost 5, and that he'll be in "big kid" school. Just doesn't seem real. I guess it's even harder to believe that the girls will be in preschool this Fall. Oh, Boy......Double trouble for those poor teachers! Cooper's preschool teacher has been so wonderful in helping him to get ready for Kindergarten, and we're absolutely excited for him to take on this new adventure. I must say, though, that whomever his teacher will be is going to be in for an intellectual treat with this boy. He's smart, but, not just brain smart. He's Corey smart. And, for those of you who know him, you know what I mean. There's a genius inside that brain that, not only can do math without using fingers or writing anything down, but can be witty, spontaneous and absolutely hysterical. My last post included his recent quip about smelling his fingertips - Yeah, he came up with that all on his own. And recently, we were asked if we could make our faces all grand up. "What?," We asked. "Grand up!"....."Like this!" And, he shows us a scrunched up face with a big smile. "What in the world does "Grand up" mean?," I asked. "You know! Granned up.......LIKE GRANNY!" He was making a wrinkly face to represent his great grandma! Oh, how we laughed for hours!

My twins will be three in three weeks. It has been a ride, let me tell you! I'm exhausted, I'm fat, I'm worn and lonely - But, I survived the babyhood! We're potty training these girls now, and many times over I've been ready to just forget it and let them wear diapers. In recent weeks I finally just dug my heels in and have been diligently working with them to get this right. Girls are so much harder than boys, and, when there's two to train, it's a nightmare. Going anywhere is ridiculous, as they always have to go 5 minutes AFTER we've left the bathroom. Or, they have to go 5 minutes AFTER we get in the car and are driving somewhere. They never have to go at the same time, and they never want to go when I tell them to. I sing, I dance (not well), I cheer, I exude thrills, I screech, I clap and I jump (again, not well) all for the hopes of promoting great feelings of a job well done. And, just when I think we've got it down, I end up changing 4 more pull ups than I did the previous day on each child. It will get better. It will get easier. It will be okay. If I keep telling myself this, it will be....I hope! And, because the only other person they see using the bathroom, besides me, is their brother, they have this undying desire to try to pee standing up. It just doesn't work that way for girls, and they don't get that yet.

Regarding that "lonely" comment I made above - Being a stay at home mom is by far the most isolating thing I've ever encountered. Aside from the few days in between I've been able to get away, I have been "home bound" for almost 1095 straight days. "Holy shit that's a long time!!" My day job is my night job. It's the hardest work I've ever done without question. But, it's also the most rewarding job I've ever held. No, I don't get recognized as "Employee of the month." I don't get raises. I don't get material rewards. But, I do get what so many mother's wish they had; The opportunity to be there for my kids when they need me. I get to decide what's right for them. I get to teach them to read. I get to be there when they go to the potty without help. I get to be here for them all day, every day and in every way they need me to be...... even to hesitantly assist in the removal of the greenest of snot balls!

And, off I go...because, though normally it would be cleaning of some sort that keeps me running in this house, today, it's snot.

Gold Digging and Galactic Hearts

Love is in the air.....It's Valentine's Day! The cards are signed, the goodies are packed, the children are in Valentine appropriate attire, and my heart is full of love! Since I have been with Corey my Valentine's Days have been filled with pure love, whether it was in an over the top surprise, or in a quiet evening home alone. I found me a romantic one, but he'll never tell you such a thing. I'm just going to say that no man can compare - But, the details are ours and I don't wanna share. I guess that's what makes it so fantastic - It's mine! The love, that is!

Cooper is in his last year of preschool, and the Valentine's are just as cute as ever. This year he sported the Star Wars Valentines with lollipops attached. He felt pretty cool taking those in, and he was the only one. Most 4 year olds aren't really into Star Wars, I guess. So, it was no surprise to find that, not only were there no other cards like his, most of the other kids have no idea what Star Wars is. Leave it to his fanatic dad and uncle to have introduced the love of all things Star Wars to my little man. (Imagine now the sound of the "whoong whooong" while swinging something like a baseball bat around.) Yeah, this is a great stage he's in.

Katie is gearing up for a magical trip to Disney World for a week with her best friend, Hannah. She leaves this Friday, and is so excited she can't seem to function properly. A week's vacation from little ones, household chores, homework and parents? Oh, how I would have dreamed of such a thing at 14 years old. But, as her mother, it's slightly different now that I have a different perspective. We talk about strangers (still, yes), responsibility, the fact that she's going to be 3000 miles away from us, the importance of listening to Kyle and Jill (Hannah's parents) and making sure that her phone is fully charged every day. I'm sure she'll be fine, but until she's on her way I'll continue to sound like a broken record.

Like all kids his age, Cooper occasionally digs for gold. We let him know that he needs to get a tissue, and there's never an issue. But, last night when he was caught "red handed," he quipped "I'm not picking my nose. I'm smelling my fingertips!" Knuckle deep, this kid has a come back with something that makes us laugh so hard we can't even argue.

Or, when Corey asks who the most beautiful girl in the house is (implying that he should answer that I am) he gets an honest response;

"Kenzie, then Rayla, then Katie."

Corey: "Well, what about mom?"

Cooper: "Yeah, she's okay. But she's NOT a girl. She's a mom."

Hahahah!

Oh, how wondrous they are! Happy Love Day, all!

**Now Loading**

Do you remember when we were children, and technology almost seemed out of reach? We had cassette tapes, record players, televisions that were so heavy you couldn't move them, and radios that had a manual dial knob. Saturday mornings were what all of us kids looked forward to, because that's when the best cartoons were on TV. Occasionally, after school, we'd get to watch those specials that would air with stars such as Ricky Schroeder or Alyssa Milano in them. Nobody had cell phones. Nobody had laptop computers. Those days seem so far away now.

Fast forward twenty some years and now I have children who will never know how simple life was when I was a child. Saturday morning cartoons are not anywhere to be found on the local networks. Instead, they're on Nickelodeon, Disney Channel, or, worse yet, the Cartoon Channel. And, even then, sometimes those cartoons are just too ridiculous for me to let them watch. But, thank goodness for the DVR, right? There's still a recording of Bubble Guppies, Dora the Explorer, and Little Einsteins, just in case. But, anymore, it's the other electronics in this house that they can't seem to get enough of.

The battle begins almost daily with a fight for who gets the ipad first. Yes, that's right...we have ipads. I use mine mostly for playing and Internet stuff. Corey uses his mostly for work. We can actually play scrabble together with them, and have done so many times. But, the free apps on these things are endless and our ipads have become riddled with children's games, and, our children have learned how to operate this with complete ease...much to my disdain. But, it's my fault. They know that if the little icon in the middle of the screen is spinning something is "loading." They know how to close, and open programs. They know how to delete apps; again, not something that I'm thrilled with, as a few apps and programs have been deleted, along with all the information that I put in to them. Everything is computerized, and that's all they know. Everything is on a remote. Cooper often says "just fast forward it" if we're watching live TV. Another benefit of recorded DVR items. I've never really sat and thought about this, as it has become a normal part of everyday life in this house, and most houses for that matter. But as I think about it, we really are on overload. Literally....I mean, it's all electronics. It's all we do. It's how we function. It's how we live.

Tonight, Cooper and Corey were looking through our wedding albums. One of the albums is only about 3/4 full, and the rest of the book is filled with white, empty slots. Cooper, such a child of wonder, passed the last picture and continued to turn the empty pages of the book. He exclaimed to Mackenzie, who looked on impatiently; "It's okay, the pages are still loading."

Don't scare me like that!!

Oopsy Daisies! Yeah, 3 months since the last post is silly. But, not without merit. I mean, these kids just keep me going, and going, and going........

I kinda feel like the energizer bunny, but without the energy.

The past 3 months have been quite exhausting to say the least. Between all the parties, get- togethers, school programs,

surgeries (I'll get to that), holiday gatherings, and general child rearing, Corey and I have been nearly out of our minds a time or two with delirium. Unfortunately, delirium in this household is not uncommon, and though it is not welcome, we understand it well and can accommodate it's invasion, however long it may be. But we were blessed during the holidays to be able to spend time together, as a family, enjoying our children's experiences, excitement and LOVE for all things Christmas. I went a little overboard this year with our indoor decorations, and even began singing them carols in October. But, when Christmas came, they were prepared! And following a very scary couple of months with Katie, by Christmas Day there was a sparkle in the air, a thrill, a light that was brighter than we could have ever hoped that made every second of our holidays so special this year.

And this is how the nightmare began......

Katie returned from her trip to California in mid August, and right around the time school started I noticed a bump just above her left temple. It looked similar to a calcium deposit she had as an infant, which was in close proximity to the location of the one we noticed now. I was told when she was a baby that the deposit would disappear as it grew with her skull. I thought it had, as I hadn't seen it in nearly 14 years...so I called to make an appointment for Katie to see the doctor. In my attempts to find out how long the bump was present, because all Katie could tell me was that it showed up one day, I called her step-mom who is a beautician and did Katie's hair just a day before she left California. She didn't see it when she did Katie's hair. Kinda made me worry at this point.

We finally got into the doctor for the exam in mid - October. She told us that it was probably another calcium deposit, much like the one she had as a baby, but probably unrelated to the one she had as a baby. Because she wasn't 100% sure of this, she referred us to an ENT to consult on it and possibly have it removed. That was scheduled for Mid November. To make all matters worse, after Katie arrived home from California she began having these horrible headaches. Over the weeks her headaches became so bad that they were making her sick in the morning to the point that she couldn't function. She had now missed 4 days of school in two weeks. I couldn't let her suffer like this anymore, so we went back to the doctor. Because of the headaches, and the appearance of the bump, the doc decided to send her in for a CT. We saw the doc on Friday, November 4 and went for the CT on Monday. This was still nearly two weeks bef

ore we were scheduled to see the surgeon. The CT was done that early Monday morning. But, since Katie's doctor was not in that day we were told that her nurse would call us the next day sometime with the results. At 7:20 the next morning, I saw the doctor's office number on the caller ID...Got a little nervous at this early morning call. It was the doctor herself. She called to say that The bump on Katie head was not a tumor (which, because of the headaches became a concern), but that she has tumorous lesions on her skull. The Radiologist diagnosed Katie with Eosinophillic Granulomas. It was good that we still had that appointment scheduled with the surgeon. But, by the next day, the surgeon's office had called us to say that that Katie's case, according to the results of her scan and diagnosis by the Radiologist, was too advanced for them and that she needed to go to Portland for her care at this point. Naturally, freak out set in at maximum levels.

After telling Corey the results of the call from the doctor, and sharing it with his mother as well, we were like a research team, working together investigating every avenue of this disease. We found that it is a fairly rare disease, and though most of the time it occurs in the lungs, having it on the bone could be disastrous if it made it to the bone marrow. This disease, which just a few years ago was automatically diagnosed as bone cancer, could turn into a cancer of sorts, if not treated appropriately. What?!? How do you tell your child that she might have cancer? How do you prepare her for the possibility of the things she might have to endure? I'll tell you how, because we had to.

We sat her down and explained to her the disease that she was diagnosed with. We told her that some people get cancer from it, and some don't. Nearly everyone would

have to be treated for this, but some longer than others. She might lose her hair. She might miss some school. She might have to have Chemotherapy. We PREPARED her for the worst, but armed her with knowledge so that she could work for and hope for the best. That's what parents do. We inform, reassure, support and we love.

Our appointment with the surgeon at OHSU finally came on December 1st. Corey, Katie and I went in prepared for a long day of tests and exams. We got there and they had no idea why we were there. That's right...no paperwork whatsoever. In fact, when the doctor came in the room, he said "So, can you tell me why you're here, Katie?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I suffer from high blood pressure, and the surge of the blood to my face had to be painfully obvious. After catching my breath, I told him. He ordered immediate films from the hospital here in Hood River and all notes from her doctor's office. It took a while, but they got there. Before they got there, though, he still went on with the exam. He poked, prodded and said "It feels like a dermoid cyst." Naturally, I though "huh?" Since we had not seen the CT, he looked it over with us and pointed it out again. "Looks like that on here, too." "And, as far as the Eosinophillic Granulomas goes, I don't see that anywhere. I don't know what the radiologist was looking at, except maybe the area around the cyst...but still, it isn't an obvious tell. It's something that we'll have to determine during surgery." And that's where the surgery stuff comes in. He informed us that, the cyst was in fact the same thing she had as a child...it was not a calcium deposit as I was told. But, though we couldn't see it on the surface, that's because it had actually grown inward and dented in her skull. An illness, or compromise in her immune system in August or September is likely was caused the outward push of the cyst, making it's appearance on the outer surface of her skull. It was the size of a marble. Because it had appeared so fast, the concern now was that it would continue to grow and do real damage to her already damaged skull. It had to be removed.

Her surgery was December 9th at Doernbecher Children's Hospital. It was the scariest thing she's ever been through, but, she did so well. Of all things to worry about it was about the hospital gown she had to wear, and whether the doctors and nurses were going to see her butt. My worry was a little different than hers. I can't begin to express the

fear and the helplessness of seeing my child in a hospital bed gearing up for her surgery, then afterwards in pain, attempting to regain consciousness from a surgery. As we sat by her, for hours after her surgery, it seemed like forever. And, being in a recovery area full of children and babies was not easy to endure, either. The only reassuring thing was that every parent there was feeling the same thing we were at that very moment, and they were, just like us, trying to ease the pain and fear that their child was experiencing. In the end, I have to say, that was the best care I could have asked for for my child. Every staff member, down to receptionist, was as accommodating and friendly as we could have ever asked. That helped to shape her memories, too....and make it not so nightmarish.

In late December, just 2 days before Christmas, we went back in to the surgeon for the post op appointment. He commended Katie on her wound care, and informed us that the biopsy done on the cyst, as well as an exam of her skull during surgery, showed NO signs of Eosinophillic Granulomas. NONE. Katie was misdiagnosed. As much as I want to be angry for having to deal with the emotional trauma of thinking my child could die, and having to tell her so, I find myself more happy with the outcome that is. There is something to be said about not wanting to pursue legal action for the emotional distress we suffered. Mostly so, because the emotional distress we'd suffer had her results been different, would have been greatly multiplied. I am thankful that we were spared such an experience.....and that much more thankful that Katie gets to go on living a normal teenage life...Hair and all!! What a fantastic Christmas present for all of us!

Regarding the headaches - She has migraines. She is now being treated for them, and so far things have been better since she's been on medication. Unfortunately the on set of these horrible migraines coincided with the bump, which is why it wasn't diagnosed as this from the beginning. My sighs of relief about this whole ordeal always include a growl, if you can imagine that. So, as a lesson to myself, ask more questions early on. I trusted that first diagnosis, and maybe next time, I'll get a second opinion.