Sleep well.......

It's not easy to think when I'm tired. In fact, it's not easy to do anything when I'm tired - Which is how I feel today. The past couple of weeks have been very interesting at night. Most of the time, miss Rayla wakes up for reasons unknown, and the work begins in trying to find a way to console her. Whether it be a cup of milk, her dubbie (pacifier), or her favorite blankie, it's honestly a battle in guesses until that one thing hushes her cries. Ugh. It's like babyhood all over again....But, I think there's a little bit of manipulation going on now. Whatever it is, I sure hope we can resolve it soon. I miss sleeping through the night........

I remember that as a teenager, and even into my early twenties, I couldn't stand the taste of coffee. I knew that people drank it for the caffeine mostly, but, I couldn't figure out why - I mean, it tasted awful!! That was until I met Corey, who was a coffee King if there ever was one. Not long after we started dating did I latch on to coffee, much like a newborn to her mommy. I needed it constantly, wanted it when I couldn't have it, and if I wasn't at home and had a craving, found a coffee shack to make me a flavorful concoction of caffeine and sugar. I've come to the conclusion that it's an adult thing - And since we're all of an addictive nature in general, we can drink coffee all the coffee we want without feeling bad about it. And I do - Drink a lot, I mean. But, with the lack of sleep I've been getting lately, it's no wonder I haven't just taken over the local Starbucks. My poor tummy!

Aside from waking up to a child's bad dream cry, the dreaming dog's "woop, woop", or the middle of the night fever and tummy aches, life is grand. I sat in the living room last night with the littles and watched them play dress up in each others clothes - The girls are fascinated with Cooper's shoes and coats, and I find them attempting to wear them in play quite often. The personalities are shining through like a blinding sun, and some days I wonder how in the world I'm going to manage them all. And still, I babysit another child for a friend of mine three or four days a week. I know, you must all think I'm crazy, and I'm sure it's been a topic of conversation among a friend or two. But, it's really okay! The kids play well together for the most part, and when they don't, the timeout chair is a really FUN place to be. For me, at least!

I still haven't brightened up any since last year when I ranted about my stupidity of taking all my kids grocery shopping. Here's a good one: I took all my kids yesterday AND the kid I babysit! How's that for royal stupidity? Actually, THANK GOD, they were all fantastic, and just honked their little horns on that massive semi truck they call a shopping cart. They had fun - But getting them back in that damn car was something else. I have never had trouble getting them from cart to car, until yesterday. I'm pretty sure that all four children looked much like a bunch of possessed monkeys, screaming, kicking and flailing about like retarded fish! It was some workout getting them all in the car, one.....at......a......time....... lol.

Not all days are like that. Lucky for me, they did that outside, as we were leaving, and not inside, when we had just arrived. That would have sucked for me, and everyone else in that store.

We recently invested in the ultimate parenting tool - A minivan! Yeah, we had to down

grade from the monster Sequoia we drove to a more reasonable minivan for the young years in our children's lives. I think that had we only had 2 children, the Sequoia would have been great. But with 4 children, it was such a task to load and unload! Now, we all walk to the car, they climb in the car, and we sit and buckle. Easy, peasy, Japanesey! hehe. After looking long and hard, we decided on a Dodge Grand Caravan SXT. It's red, and I love it - As do the kids. With the dual DVD screens it's such a nice time when we get in the car! You'd wonder why they freaked out yesterday after shopping! It's quite possible they crapped and I just didn't know it..... The smell of the french fries at the nearby McDonald's can be so overwhelming at times!

A couple of weeks ago my great grandma Alberta passed away. She was 88 years old. For once in a long while, the passing of someone was not accompanied by days and weeks of sadness. She was ready to go, and after so many "last visits" to the hospital, we were ready, too. Sure, it was sad that she passed, but we all know that she's in a better place. Whether you're a Christian, like she was, and believe that she's gone to Heaven to live an eternal life, or whether you're Atheist and believe that she's gone and that's that, I think we can all agree that since she's no longer suffering, it's okay that she's gone. It was so nice to share stories and see smiles in her memory at her funeral. And, the people that came from all over the US to say goodbye was so wonderful - I know she would have loved it. But, man, I'm going to miss those cinnamon rolls!! :)

At Grandma's funeral the congregation sang songs, and recited scripture. It was like I was sitting at her house - But then again, she called her church her home. So, I guess it was fitting. We finished her service by reciting the Lords Prayer with one change she made often:

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our sins,
as we forgive those who sin against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,

the power and the glory,

for ever and ever.

Amen.

Rest in peace grandma.....and say hi to Bobbie for me!

No resolution in sight

"Twenty ten can be the year for change. It can be the year we discover great things. It can be the best year of our lives."

The new year always brings out the most optimism in even the most pessimistic of people. Resolutions are set with the full intent that "this will be the year" to fulfill those proclamations of self improvement; People say they're going to quit smoking, the gyms begin to fill with new member enrollment and more people are seen taking evening strolls through their neighborhoods. In reality, what makes January 1st any different from July 1st? In regards to resolving to better oneself, that is....

I resolved not to make a resolution this year. In the past, I have resolved to lose weight, be a better parent, make more friends, be a better wife, find some hobbies and even find my soul in music again. Some years I succeed, and some I don't. What I just realized is that following the years that I don't succeed in my resolutions, I set those same resolutions again for the next year. How boring is that? And, the one most often at the top of the list? You know it.....Lose weight.

The quote that heads this blog was taken directly from my blog post dated 12/31/2009. Now, upon reading that, my first thought was "I used the wrong word. "Will" should have replaced each "can" in those sentences." But, no - I was writing exactly what I was thinking, and with care not to offend anyone who had planned for, but could turn their year around. I never expected for 2010 to have such polar opposite events in it for me. I'm glad it's over.

An "emotional roller coaster" is the only way that I can truly describe my feelings for 2010. The great moments, like my twins turning one, my first weight loss goal reached or celebrating 5 wonderful years of marriage seemed to have been overshadowed by the sadness in the not so great moments we were so unfortunate to have to live through.

My mother unexpectedly lost her husband in early March. Due to a mix of stubbornness, misunderstanding and a pinch of misguided anger, I had not spoken to my sister or mother in a couple of years. But, upon learning that my mother had lost her husband in such a manner as she did, I knew I needed to be there for her, with her. After the funeral, my sister, my mother and I talked, cleared the air, and began to rebuild our damaged relationship. It was slow moving, but I saw the drive, and felt the power of family - It was meant to be. When my sister was murdered in August, by a man she called her best friend, I lost a part of me. I haven't been to counseling, as I wasn't sure that I was going to need it - Maybe, I do. My heart aches and I think of her every day. Whether that's healthy, or not, I'm not sure. So, I may give in to "shrinkage" in the near future.

And, speaking of shrinkage - Good news prevails! In October, Corey and I decided we must get healthier. In the months that have passed since my last blog I've lost nearly 30 pounds! I haven't even set foot in a gym. :) Just paying closer attention to what I eat has made me rethink what I eat, when I eat and how much. Obviously, it has paid off. I intend to continue on my journey this year and lose more weight - Healthily.

I'm thinking that this must be the most difficult time in my child rearing years. A teenager in the house (in March she'll be 13!) makes for some interesting, and, sometimes frustrating, conversations. Corey and I both have cringed at some of the things Katie says, or how she says it. The children in this generation do not have the same respect that we, or our parents, had when we were young. Don't think for a moment that we haven't tried - We have, in many different, conventional and unconventional ways - to make her be the most responsible, respectful person that she can be. I just hope that sooner, rather than later, she wakes up and realizes that it's a good thing to respect your parents. It's a good thing to do what you're told when you're told, and it's a good thing to pay attention. Oh my; The attention span at 12 is ridiculous. And, I feel so sorry for those who I did the same to back when I was that age. My sincere apologies!!!

The twins are certainly not babies anymore. They're talking, climbing, playing, singing and even fighting. It's pretty funny to watch them tackle each other over a balloon, or a baby doll that the other wants. Their personalities are so different, that it makes for a true live comedy show that they put on for me every day! Kenzie is definitely the princess of the two - Loves her purses, her babies, to dress up and shoes - Oh, the shoes. A girl after my own heart! Her orneriness, takes away that princess title sometimes, though. Rayla, who is the love bug of the two, is also the roughest, wildest and meanest of the twins. She has no fear, and will run faster than the rest of the kids, climb higher than the rest and whack a head if she gets angry at a sibling. It's not funny, by any means, and we're working on that. But that rough big brother of theirs kind of makes it a little difficult to instill the no hitting rules - Sometimes, the girls are truly defending themselves!

Cooper is such a big kid now. He's smart, he's fast and he's not afraid to say what he thinks. He loves his preschool, and will be so happy to get back to it tomorrow. I think he misses his friends! Over the Christmas vacation, he made sure to keep us on our toes with his quirky quips and responses to us. Allow me to share some of the conversations we have with him:

Cooper: Daddy, I love you bigger than the moon.

Corey: Cooper, I love you bigger than the universe.

silence, a quick look around........

Cooper: Well daddy, I love you BIGGER than MOMMY!

Really? Bigger than mommy? For shit's sake. I'm not THAT big....But, in a child's eyes, everything's bigger than it seems. Right? RIGHT?? ha.

Or, how's this:

(Cooper got a little plastic monster for Christmas that eats up a littler plastic monster, and was playing with it with daddy. The bigger monster's head flips open to eat the smaller one)

Cooper: Daddy, I don't think this monster has any brains.

Corey: It doesn' t look like it, does it?

Cooper: But, Daddy has brains. And, Cooper has brains. And, Mac and Rayla have brains........

Corey: What about mommy?

Cooper: Nope. Mommy doesn't have any brains. She has hair.

hahahahahaha!! Still laugh out loud at that one.

At least he no longer thinks I look like princess Fiona. Just big and brainless.......... Actually, I'm not sure what's worse

So on to 2011 I go, with some humor in my heart, some relief that 2010 is over, and with love and intention to make this year one to remember.

Happy Halloween

YAY! It's fall, the leaves are turning, the air is cool and the hint of Halloween is in the air - Literally. Our burn ban is over and the valley smells of freshly blown out pumpkin candles for a good part of each morning...... I love it!

This past weekend Corey and I headed to the coast for a much needed getaway. We haven't been anywhere for enjoyment for months. Corey's mom stayed at our house with the kids so we could go. What a Godsend she is!! We decided to change it up a little and went to two locations instead of settling in for the weekend in one spot. Our first night was spent in Lincoln City - Mostly for the mall and the casino. No luck at the casino this time. But, we were only there long enough to get a dry throat from the smoke that swirled around the room. I'm not complaining - But usually there are several hours of play that go on with us. Just, not this time! :)

We did tour the North Oregon Coast in an attempt to find a good place to take our family in the future. We found our gem - Nice, little community, stores, restaurants and tons of beach for the family to play on. I even got to see the attempts at surfing made by a couple of obvious amateurs - I'm no surfer, but I'm thinking that as much as these guys were off their boards more than on made it pretty easy to identify them as "beginners." Our visit to the Tillamook Cheese Factory was fast, but worth it. The ice cream we had was better than we'd ever had. I'm sure it was fresher than we ever had, too.

Our last night was spent in Cannon Beach. Corey rented a room that was oceanfront, quiet and we had prime views of the storm that was hitting the Oregon coast. We drank tea, sat in front of the fire and watched the ocean - The waves crashing onto shore and pounding into the rocks was such a beautiful sight. I've loved the ocean since I was young, and I can't imagine life without getting to see it at least once a year. In Cannon Beach there's a hotel called the Stephanie Inn, which is graced with a 4 star, top notch restaurant which requires advance reservations to get in. This night that we got to go is our second trip there. The first time was 9 years ago when Corey and I were still dating. It was nice to go back and relive that part of his "wooing". Teehee. This dinner is 4 course with an Amuse Bouche - Food critics know the term - and each time we've gone the food is the best ever. Praiseworthy on all levels! Worth every penny. The wine we had was fantastic, but, I'm thinking I had more than I realized. On the way back to our room it was dark and rainy, but I could see the shadowed outline of a rock - I looked to Corey and said (slurred, I'm sure), "Look, Honey - It's Stacksock Rock!" Now, for all you well traveled Oregonians, you know there's no such thing as "Stacksock Rock." What I meant to say was "Haystack Rock." That's quite different, isn't it? And, as I exited the car back at our room I noticed that the ground I stepped on to was a little softer than the asphalt I should have been walking in. Apparently, not only does a little excess alcohol affect your speech, it also affects your balance - I found myself walking in the flowers next to where we parked. Oopsy daisies! A trip on my heels, a stumble through the door and we're home! Shoes off, jammies on and we both snuggled on the couch and listened to the storm.

Earlier that evening before dinner we decided to go walking on the beach during low tide to see if we could find any clams. NO, we didn't have gear. But, we were just looking. There was nobody else on the beach. You'd think "how romantic," right? Well, there was a reason there wasn't anybody else there. The wind was blowing at 75 miles an hour, the rain was pouring down AND it was dark. Yes, friends, we were that couple out there in the elements while many people, I'm sure, stared in awe and exclaimed "Those idiots!!" I mean, who in their right mind would venture out in a storm with a high tide and wave warning......IN THE DARK??? Us! And, it was fun! We both got windburned and rain smacked, but I got to experience something that I've never done. As I leaned into the wind with my arms out, the wind was blowing so hard that it held me up! Yeah, big momma here was flying! Such a memory!

I also got to be the epitome of stupid wife on the trip. As we arrived in Seaside Corey began looking for a place to park. I wasn't really paying attention to where we were, but when he parked somewhere I asked him "Why are you parking so far away?" Frustrated, my dear hubby drove around for ten minutes trying to find a closer spot. When I had said that to him, I was unaware that we were only on the next block from the strip. When he finally parked it was a good block and a half from the strip, even further from where we started. Needless to say, he gave me shit for that for a while, well deserved. Oops!

We are now back at home and back in the daily grind. On our trip we did pick up the children's Halloween costumes. It wasn't what we originally planned, but absolutely adorable! Just last week Cooper sat with us at the table and said to us "For Halloween I wanna be a bitch!" We couldn't find that costume, or the "witch" costume that he had meant to say, but his Monkey is much happier than the scarier choices he originally made.

The storm is blowing outside, the leaves are dancing all around and the rain is coming at us sideways today. I'm okay with that - I LOVE storms! In Oregon I can say that, cause' they're never as bad as Kansas! And, as long as it isn't bad on Halloween, I'll be happy.

So, from our family to yours, everyone have a safe and happy Halloween!!

Cool days, cool nights, but not too cool for school!

Last night just before climbing in to bed I opened the bedroom window - Not for the cool, fresh air that circled the room, but for the sounds of the rain falling on the trees outside. There is such a peace found in nature's sounds. No nature sounds that come from a clock radio can compare to the real, pure, perfect sounds that come from an autumn rain shower. Corey and I drifted to sleep with such ease last night and woke to the smell of freshly watered cedar. I love it when my days begin and end like this. But, in this household, times like those are few and far between....

SCHOOL'S IN SESSION - Oh, help us God. We were warned of the SEVENTH year. And, I mean, 7th grade, of course. I remember my 7th grade year in school - It was a like a bunch of hormonal donkeys had joined together in an attempt to learn something. There were drama queens (A LOT of them), there were the "homeboys," there were the music geeks (ME!), there were the yearbook staff (uh, me too), the cool girls, the dance squad and the basketball players. I attended 7th grade in Portland at an inner city middle school where I was the minority. The Trailblazers were Gods to the students, and if anyone was interested in sports it was basketball - Both boys and girls. I never played sports until I moved to Bend. Lucky for Katie, she's been doing sports since she was old enough to. And, lucky for us, she loves it.

This year is the first year that she has been able to play volleyball - 6th graders are not allowed yet to participate in school sports except for track and field. So, after a little bit of ball dropping on my part, Katie finally joined the team. Yesterday was her first game - I wasn't there to see the first, but I'll be there for the next. The only volleyball that I've watched has been on ESPN, and it's most often been guys, in speedos on a beach somewhere. Not that I ENJOY that kind of thing. I'm just saying, it's a little different than watching inexperienced pre-teen hormonal donkeys try to bounce a ball back and forth over a net. This should be funny.

Cooper has also started preschool. It's the best part of his week, and we have had not even a slight hint of separation anxiety. Not surprising, I suppose. Cooper is such an o

utgoing little critt

er, and loves to be surrounded by people (particularly kids) and by toys, which there are a lot of at preschool. He's mastered his alphabet, is learning spanish and is so proud of the sign language they use in school, too. He's got friends galore and I'm sure will be so excited to have a birthday party with friends included now, too. BUT....If he tries to pull what his father did in preschool, I'm not going to be happy. Corey invited his ENTIRE class to a movie and pizza when he was the same age. There were a few car trips back and forth to town, to say th

e least. Funny to think about, dreadful to imagine happening to me!! haha.

I think that I'm finally beginning to heal after the loss of my sister. I have to be honest with myself though - I regret not knowing my sister better than I do. In fact, many people don't know this, but, before March of this year, I had not spoken to my sister in 3 years. It was the result of a misunderstanding of words - The stubbornness in the blood that we share shined through ten-fold.

If anything was learned from the events that have unfolded the past couple of months it's that life is way too short to have sibling rivalry. No, I didn't agree with all the things that she chose to do. But, she didn't agree with me, either. In her eyes things came easy for me - And maybe they did in comparison to what she experienced and how she lived. But, we both shouldn't have been so damn hard headed. After March of this year, however, we had begun to rebuild the time we had lost. We were in the beginning stages of reconstruction of our sisterhood....... so to lose her when I did was tough. To honor her now, my entire family is reuniting and reconnecting. She'd be proud of us. I think she'd be proud of me.

My mother is now caring for Bobbie's boys - Along with her youngest step daughter. You see, in March, my mom suddenly lost her husband after pneumonia took over his body. So, she barely had time to mourn the loss of her husband before she lost my sister. In all my 32 years, I've never seen my mother as emotionally strong as she is right now. I'm so proud of all that she's doing and hope that the strength continues on for the sake of all the children. My step sister Christy, the one that my mother is currently caring for, is 15 years old and pregnant. Yeah, it's happening all over again for my mom 13 years later. She's exhausted, but so determined to do all that she can for everyone she's caring for. I spoke to her yesterday and she had spent the previous day and night in the hospital with Christy as she suffered from uncontrollable morning (noon and night) sickness which resulted in severe dehydration. After returning in the morning with Christy, she got the boys off to school and rested for a while before getting back to work on the mounds of paperwork she's left to do. And still, that afternoon, she went to my nephew Alec's first football game. Just crazy - But pure love for her kids and grandkids.

There is an account that has been set up for my nephews to help with their care. Columbia State Bank under the account name "Donation account for Alec Jones and Jaydon Reader." She'll be needing as much help as she can get.

It's finally fall! And, it's my favorite time of year. Halloween kicks off my annual holiday rampage and this year is going to be fantastic! We have decided that we're going to dress up for Halloween as a family in some sort of theme. When Corey is involved anything is possible - His history of dressing up in notoriously outrageous stuff intends to continue, so watch out for some Yasui craziness this year!

And, speaking of holidays, I need to get going on the cupcakes with the fondant sorting hats for my niece Aunika's birthday - Yeah, cake art! tee hee!

Happy first day of fall my friends and family!!

Life ain't always what you think it ought to be.....

Blogging has, for the past few years, been a way for me to express feelings, emotions and share experiences that I have in my life. For the most part the blogs are good spirited, full of fun and packed with laugh inducing events that I get to relive as I type. But, this month has been the worst month of my life and it hasn't been easy to put my feelings into words. My tears have said more than I could even try to say.

A little under 4 weeks ago I got a call that my sister was missing and that the last place she was seen had become a crime scene in which detectives were saying "possible foul play" had occurred. I was numb at the first call, and had a hard time digesting the information that I was being given. Though we had plans the evening I got the call, and were, in fact, walking through the parking lot to the event, we turned around, went home and began what would be the wildest roller coaster our emotions would ever ride on.

Three days after we got notice of my baby sisters disappearance, her body was found in a forested area near Mt. Bachelor. With providence by our side, a security guard who was checking the area after a bike race, discovered her in the early evening hours of Saturday, August 7. She was murdered in one of the most brutal, senseless attacks that Deschutes County had ever seen. My baby sister lost her life at the hands of a man who claimed to be her friend. To this day, we don't understand why. But, I suppose that the reason behind her murder won't change anything for us. She's still gone. I've still lost my baby sister.

Each day of this disaster were such a mad house that I lost track of how time was passing. The first two days I was in Bend felt like an entire week. And, at the end of the second day, when trying to remember all that had happened over the previous 48 hours, it was hard to believe that so much had happened in such a short period of time. It still doesn't seem real. Reporters, television stations, detectives, FBI, funeral home directors, crime victims advocates, family and friends - I spent more time talking with people in one week than I had in years. To alleviate the pain and struggling that my mother was experiencing, I did my best to take over the media statements, the funeral home arrangements, assistance programs to help the family financially and emotionally, and calling friends and family to inform them of the horrible news. To be honest, it was so overwhelming that I hardly had time myself to grieve. To some, I must have seemed cold - detached. But it was just the drive to be the stronghold for my family so that it didn't completely fall apart.

Bobbie's funeral was last Sunday - Corey made a movie for the service and it was beautiful. It would have been exactly how she would have wanted it had she planned it herself. But planning a funeral for someone so young, for my little sister, wasn't something I'd ever imagined. In the past couple of weeks, I've had time to reflect, adjust to life without my sister, and focus on taking care of my family again. I have, however, had several moments of breakdown - Moments when it becomes hard to accept that she's really gone and to know that I'll never get a chance to tell her goodbye. I'll never get that chance to tell her how much I loved her, even though some of her decisions in life I couldn't, wouldn't support. I'll never get to tell her that all those memories that we had as children are still alive and well in my heart, and that I occasionally share some of the silly stories with my husband. She won't be here to be an aunt to my children. But, even sadder, she won't be here to be a mother to her own.

In the weeks to come, we'll be situating her sons with my mother, and making sure that they begin counseling - As much as one hates it, these boys will need it. Bobbie was cremated and her ashes are in a beautiful urn donned with marble and silver. She'll be interned in a glass case with her picture and some other sentimental trinkets at a mausoleum in Bend, Oregon. Crime Victims Advocates of Oregon has a special fund for victims and families of victims of violent crimes. They've paid to make sure that all of Bobbie's funeral costs are covered - All costs. They've been such a great support system for us during this difficult time, and plan to be there for any and all of us for as long as we need. The grieving process has been so different for each of us, and there is no rhyme or reason to our emotions now. But, it's nice to know that we all have the support of family, friends and the advocates for victims to get through what hardships are to come.

I wish I could turn back time. I wish that I could have another chance to talk to her. I wish that wishes came true. So, for now, I'll hold close the memories and feel better knowing that she was received by loving arms - Friends and family and God.

I'm sorry Bobbie. I love you. I'll see you on the other side.......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NJqUN9TClM

Pleading insanity for the sake of hilarity

What is the definition of insane? Answer: Not of sound mind, mentally deranged or utterly senseless. Sounds a lot like all the things I go through on a daily basis. But, to label myself as "being insane," I'd be inviting critics of all walks of life to make suggestions, hand out advice and feed me BS that I really don't need. So, more often than not, when someone asks me how I'm doing, I answer with "Oh, I'm keeping busy," or "Doing awesome!" The truth is, when I'm asked how I am, I instantly find myself scrambling for an answer to substitute for "Don't the bags under my eyes give it away?" or "How good of a masseuse can you pretend to be for an hour?" or "I'd love to talk with you, but, as always, the second I get a minute for myself my kids are screaming, fighting, wet or hungry, so I'll have to chat with you later. - Oh, and I'm fine, thanks."

I wonder what kind of a response I'd get if I answered "I've been dying to tell you....I'm insane!"

Of all the things to get "easier" after the first year of having twins and a toddler, getting a backache is not what I would have put at the top of the list. It probably wouldn't be this way if the twins didn't love to be held at the same time. Always. Lucky for us, Cooper is a little more independent and just likes to be off on his own, walking "like a big boy." Yay, for him! My arm muscles are quite strong, and my legs are beginning to tone more with the running around that I do, but the back......It may be time to invest in a back brace!

I can't say that I'm surprised when I walk into a room, or a store with my purse slung over my shoulder, a baby under each arm and I'm directing cooper with my foot, and people stare with jaws dropped to the floor. I feel like a spectacle, and believe me when I say it's the last thing I want. Yes, I shop with all my kids - Safeway and Rosauers have graciously designed carts just for stupid mothers like me who insist on taking their whole clan of kids to shop. I feel like I have now mastered the art of driving the undriveable shopping cart. But the hardest thing is not shopping with the kids anymore. It's the strangers who insist on stopping me to ask me if the girls are twins, google and oogle at them when I say yes, and then engage Cooper in conversation so he "doesn't feel left out." It's the same thing every single time I go out. And, the comments are the same. "You're one busy momma." "I bet they keep you on your toes." "That's a load of kids you've got there!" I mean, come on....I KNOW that I'm busy - I'm SHOPPING with them. YES they keep me on my toes. And NO my son doesn't need you to suggest that he's possibly being left out of anything. Aaaargh! Self proclaimed psychologists and surrogate "grandparents" can be found in nearly every aisle of a grocery store, and it sucks.

I often try to sing to my kids while I'm shopping, which could easily get me labeled as insane without me claiming it myself. I get in a zone, sing children's songs to keep them happy, and sometimes, I actually shop in peace. So, to all those people who insist on stopping mothers while shopping with their kids: STOP IT! Really, we don't appreciate it. If you'd like to talk to us, give us your number and we'll call you when we have a free moment. It might be a few weeks, but, we'll call if we want to. All hail the mothers who do it all......All hail mothers of multiples!

A couple of nights ago my husband told me a joke. I laughed until I nearly cried. Then, he asked me for something that made me freeze in place. He asked me to tell HIM a joke. Now, you might think "That's not so bad," or "OK, so what's the big deal?" Right? Well, friends, that is a weakness that I haven't ever faced before. I can be funny in what I write, but, never am I telling jokes. It's a totally different concept to me! I did, in all fairness, try to remember one that I saw somewhere to share with him. As I began the joke, that I dug deep in the crevasse of my brain to find, he informed me that he'd just read that same joke a couple of months ago in a playboy magazine. Oh, yeah....That's probably where I saw it too! Oh, well....I guess the joke's on me!

All the hullabaloo about funny stuff made me think that truthfully, every single day there is something funny that we say, or do, and I'm fairly certain that's one of the greatest strengths we share as a couple. For instance, a couple of weeks ago we went through the drive-thru ATM at our bank. Corey noticed that next to the buttons on the screen was braille. He asked, why in the world would there need to be BRAILLE in a DRIVE THRU ATM?? I'm sure someone was just doing what they were told, but, really? Or, why do we drive in parkway, or park in a driveway? I'm sure you've heard that before. The one that got me laughing so hard with Corey was "If you spin an oriental man in circles, does he become disoriented?" Still laughing, even as I type! So silly, but so good for the soul.

And then, my kids....Where to begin. I'm beginning to wonder if it's at all a good idea to take them anywhere. My son, who is brilliant by nature, is very open and honest with whatever he is talking about. Unfortunately for me, right now his biggest concern is his genitalia. I've never been around little boys at this age, so this is a new territory for me, and sometimes slightly embarrassing. Grown men can easily adjust themselves when they're uncomfortable, but a 3 year old boy doesn't know what's going on. He whines, cries, kicks, screams and even yells out occasionally that he doesn't like his jewels anymore...He wants to get rid of them! Oh, poor boy. I unbuckle his seat belt, I shake his pants, make him jump around and do whatever it takes to allow him to comfort himself (almost whatever). He's usually fine within minutes and we're back to shopping, or driving, or whatever it was we were doing before the catastrophe began.

The twins are maniacal runners now. I'm sure they run in opposite directions on purpose, and I think that the tongue sticking out is really a shot at me, rather that just a funny face. It's like they're saying "come and get me mom!.....If you can!" With the Summer finally here, we've spent some time outside lately. I'm thankful every minute that Corey built us the fence. I couldn't keep up with the three little ones without it. I've had the pools out, but for some reason, my children keep being drawn toward the puddles left from the hose being pulled out of the pool, and the rocks that surround the play structure. Instead of splashing, they throw rocks to hear them crackle on the plastic, and then they stick a few in their mouths for fun. They chase bees, they bite the dog, they head for the stairs, they play in the dog water, they splash in the fountain and they stomp on my flowers. It's never at all how I plan for it to go, but somehow we always make it inside safe, happy and maybe a little dirty to boot.

Katie's been a great help since school got out a little over a month ago. This weekend, she'll be going to California for the rest of the Summer, so I'll have to figure out some better ways to manage my time. I'm sure she's ready for her break from us, and hopefully she has a good time. The older she gets, the more she wants to just be here with her friends. And in 2 years, she'll be able to work.....Hard to believe it. This is the first year that I've had all my children together for the 4th of July, and we had a blast. The local parade, fireworks, a little barbecue...It was perfect.

So, I might not be a comedian. But, the life I live is a daily comedy, and I love being right where I am, sharing the craziness, the sadness and the love in each blog I have time to create.

It could happen to you

The beauty of the Columbia Gorge is overwhelming. The mountains that surround Hood River are breathtaking. The trees and scenic views that can be seen along highway 35 are more beautiful than any area in Oregon. In the Summer, the Columbia River looks like a Chinese Dragon, with surfing sails and kite sails that flow together with the movement of the water and the wind. It's so beautiful, yet, I take it for granted. I drive fast, look past the water, and focus on the roads most of the time. How could I let such fantastic scenery just pass me by every day?

I had a scare today, that has made me rethink my purpose in life, the order in which I prioritize it, and how not to take what I have for granted. Four days ago I began experiencing chest pain - You hear that, and get scared. However, I have had pain before in my chest, and it turned out to be nothing. Well, actually, it was more like anxiety. But, really, nothing. So after the pain continued on to Wednesday, then Thursday, I felt like something just might be wrong. I decided to call the doc. After the receptionist answered and I attempted to make an appointment, she informed me that I had said the magic words: "Chest Pain." After a brief chat with the Triage Nurse, I headed in for an appointment with my doctor.

After rushing to town, I visited with the doc explaining the symptoms I'd had, the feeling I was experiencing and that, since it wasn't going away, I was a bit more worried than usual. By the exam conclusion she had decided it was Pericarditis - The inflammation of the sac around the heart. Oh, crap. She began to go over reasons why I might have this, and we semi-decided that it was part of a virus that had traveled through my body a couple weeks ago, and had apparently attacked the sac around my heart. I was given the option to go to the lab for blood work, or, go home, take 2 Aleve twice a day for a day or two and then come back for labs if I wasn't getting better. I chose the latter. Unfortunately, it wasn't getting better. So this afternoon I headed to town to the lab to have my blood drawn. I just knew that something wasn't right......I knew that I needed to have that test done.

I was home for maybe an hour, when the doctor called me. She said that my SED Rate was elevated and D-Dimer was positive and elevated. Both of these tests indicate inflammation, but the concern was now that I very likely had a Blood Clot in my chest, and the pain was a result of this. This was not the news I had anticipated. And to top it off, she told me that the results concerned her significantly enough that she wouldn't let me wait until Monday to follow up. I was ordered to go to the ER immediately. Now, we had plans tonight, of course, so we had to divert things a little. The birthday party we had intended on attending now became a childcare event for our little ones. But, I had to go....If I had a pulmonary embolism my life could be at risk. This night suddenly became one of the scariest periods of my life.

The ER staff was waiting for me when I arrived, not even 45 minutes after we got the call to go. I was stationed in an ER room, gowned down, hooked up to IV's, Oxygen and all sorts of cords for tests galore. I must have looked ridiculous. With my sweet husband Corey by my side every second I had blood drawn, I was poked, prodded and was intravenously injected with dye so that I could have a CT that looked for blood clots. I was scared shitless and I wasn't sure what to think, what to say or what to do. What if this was it? What if I did have a clot....all the signs say I do? If I died, would Corey be OK? And my kids.....Oh, God my kids.....How will they ever be OK if something happened to me?? I believe that this was even scarier than knowing I was having a C-Section to deliver my babies a whole month early. My chest was still in pain, I was dehydrated and beginning to go a little crazy. The wonderful nurse offered me something to "take the edge off," and boy did it work. About 10 minutes after I received the pain meds we heard cheering in the hall.....The tests came back for me and they were negative!!! No blood clot, no inflammation of the heart. To know that all those nurses and doctors were so thrilled to have the results in hand that they did made us realize just how critical, and how bad, things could have been had the results been different. We had someone looking out for us tonight, and we were exhaling in relief along with the rest of the ER staff. So....What was wrong you ask? Here's the irony - Turns out that I have apparently "sprained" my chest wall muscle from lifting things that are too heavy, repetitively. More namely, I injured myself being a mother. Lifting my little babies (the doc's guess) is most likely the cause of my chest wall injury, causing intense heart attack like pain, and shortness of breath - and because the injury has caused inflammation the blood tests showed an increase in the SED and D-Timer. Isn't that lovely?

In perspective, this has made us think about what we have to lose. We have everything to lose, and could do so at any time. Our lives are short, and we take them for granted. Without thinking that "it could happen to me," we go about our business, working, detailing, focusing, and tiring. But, living......I think we need to do more. When Corey held my hand tonight in the hospital, I felt so much love in his grip and I saw the fear in his eyes. I know now that I have got to stop every once in a while and remind myself that this life is now. This life is mine. This life must be lived and no matter what, it, whatever that might be, CAN happen to anyone.