Momentary Indiscretions

Katie decided to explain to us a situation that she came across where she made a high schooler apologize to a 6th grader on her bus the first week of school. She said that the girl, who is "eclectically outgoing" told this poor, young, innocent kid that she wanted him to be her friend. Naturally, the boy said "no." The girl then proceeded to cal him names and antagonize him with words and phrases that were, according to Katie, obviously unfamiliar to this little guy. Seeing his discomfort, and the blatant use of words that Katie disapproved of, she told the girl to stop, and to apologize to him for saying such things. When we asked her what the girl said she whispered, "It's bad. It starts with the letter 'C'." Naturally, our open discussions became a waterfall of endless derogatory words that started with 'C." But, after listing every single derogatory word we could think of, bad to not-so-bad, we just couldn't figure out what this girl called the boy that was so bad that Katie wouldn't say it. The curious parents we are, we insisted that she tell us right away what was said. After MUCH hesitation, she whispered "crackhead." WHAT? That is the swear word that she couldn't say? I KNOW she's heard much worse, either by other kids or on TV. But, THIS was the word that sent her over the edge? Two things struck me at that moment. First, good on us for instilling such foul language barriers, that, when my daughter hears something like that, she is appalled. Second, poor her for thinking that THAT is the worst she's likely to hear over the next four years. We laughed hysterically both at the fact that she didn't react on the foul words she heard the girl say, and again at all the words, nearly all of them unknown to her, that we inadvertently burned into her brain when trying to figure out what word made her so upset. I think we had a moment of mixed good and bad parenting at that moment. I guess we'll see.

Several months ago Katie lost her phone due to a momentary indiscretion. I've heard that before - Oh, yes, that's what Kristen Stewart calls her affair to her Snow White and The Huntsman director Rupert Sanders. Well, her indiscretion was not as bad, but enough for us to keep her phone. She lost it in May and never was able to touch it again until she returned from California the end of August. She is still not allowed to take it with her anywhere, but uses it on occasion here at home. She has been working hard trying to prove to us how responsible she can be, in order to regain it. Yeah, I know, 5 months is a long time to take away a phone from a kid, but she deserved it. I do see that she has been working hard to regain trust. Corey doesn't ever want her to have the phone again, but, I thought at some point she'd probably get it back. But, this week something happened that made me think about it a little more. Katie seemed down, and we asked her what was bothering her. She went down a list that was everything from nerves from the first week of school, to the pressure and anxiety she was feeling for having to change classes two weeks in (she was misplaced in math and she needed a higher level.) And then she said the one thing that we, her uber-social parents, nearly fell over about. "I need my cell phone because it's so much easier to talk to people that way. You text them, they text you and you never have to say a word to anyone." OH, BOY. And, she's not the only one who feels that way. All but ONE friend she has will be texting, texting, texting and texting until they have calluses on their hands when they come over. They text boys. They text friends. Hell, they even text each other in the SAME ROOM! What in the world has happened to our kids, that they think the only way to communicate appropriately with people is via text? I'll tell you what it is - It's the dependence on cell phones that our society has made kids think they need. I have a cell phone. I use it. But you're not going to catch me doing all my communication on there. I have friends who I text, and sometimes it's because I KNOW they're in a place that they can't talk, but I want to get them a message. But, I have NO problem calling someone to chat with them. That is how we communicate with people.....we talk. But our teenagers are confused. They don't have the speaking skills that we were made to develop at their age. They walk the halls with their cell phones, using them to speak to each other, hiding behind the wall of the digital era. It's not okay. They're not going to be okay. Therefore, it is decidedly so that Katie will not have that phone returned just yet. And, if friends come into this house, they should respect our wishes for verbal forms of communication. This is a problem, and when our kids think that this is the "best" way to talk to people, we're in trouble. Because, in a few years, when they're all able to vote, they won't know how to "voice" their opinion. And, for all we know, they'll vote in Miley Cyrus to run our country. Help me help these kids - Make them talk. Make them realize how much damage they're creating for themselves. I'm doing it for Katie's future; for her success. How successful will your kids be? At least give it a try. Katie's gone without for 5 months. She's had moments of upset. But, when she wants to talk to someone, she can just call them. We made it through our younger years without cell phones and our kids can, too. Tell them for one week to use their phones for emergencies only. If they need a ride, or they will be late, have them CALL you. Have them CALL their friends. I wonder what you'll discover if you take that privilege away from your kids for a week. I discovered that my kid can actually talk....and it's nice. I missed that.

I Love a Rainy Night

For five years I have been a stay at home mom. And, for five years, my social life pretty much went to crap. I did have a bunco group that I've been a part of that, unfortunately, recently dissolved. But, aside from that I haven't gone out much, and have turned down invitations to go out, or even left gatherings early to relieve whichever family member had been recruited for the evening to take on the task of corralling all 4 children.

At the end of the school year last year we got a call from a girl who was a student of Corey's brother at Hood River High school - Her name is Anii. She informed Corey that she was given our number because we were looking for a babysitter and she was available. Funny thing, though, we weren't!! We SHOULD have been, and had discussed it, but, had not taken action, really. So, the brother in law gave our number to someone who he thought would be a good fit for our family - Or, maybe that was his way of saying "GET A REAL SITTER!"
Long story short: We hired her, we love her and she's been our sitter for any dates or outings that we've had this entire Summer.

This, as you can imagine, didn't sit well with Katie. Here she is, 14 years old, and we've hired a 16 year old to come in, sometimes while she was here, to babysit the younger kids. After Katie returned from California, something in her had changed - something good. She was suddenly WANTING to talk to us, WANTING to help us and WANTING to have new levels of responsibility sent her way. Her first babysitting experience was for my brother and sister in laws 3 month old son Ren. Now, you can imagine how nervous I was over this, and hesitated significantly at first. But, when I asked Katie how she felt about it she became excited and was more than willing to take on this task. Okay. I let her do it...surprise, surprise; she did fine. And, so, we've tested her a couple of times with her own siblings, last night being her first "late night" while Corey and I were out with friends. After a banter of texts back and forth, us checking on her, her getting disgusted with the 30 minute check ins, she did it!!! And, I'm so proud...Thanks, Katie!

So, about last night;

Corey and I attended a gathering at a friend's house this weekend to celebrate the completion of their new shop. They hired a band, PHOENIX, to play, and man, were they good!! They rocked it, and many of the 80 plus people there were dancing and having a blast. Jello shots were passed around, and Marcie came up with a new drink concoction that was so yummy I had two. (4 smashed raspberries, 2oz citrus vodka, 2oz triple sec, and a top of of 7up) I'm sure the one Marcie made was a little stronger than mine, but I was sunburned after tending a garage sale all day yesterday, and wasn't up for being in pain inside and out!! Anyways, the night started fine, with a little wind at our backs. But, as the evening progressed I noticed the dark clouds heading in. Eventually came the thunder and lightning (HORRIBLE for the fire in White Salmon being battled) and then, at 10PM, just moments after the band stopped for an intermission, the rain began - And, not just any rain - I mean, these drops were HUGE. It has not rained in 3 months, and it was 90 degrees yesterday with few clouds, so the band had set up outside with no cover. No one ever thought it would rain!!  Everyone ran to the shop and the band members scrambled to gather and protect their electronics. It was slightly chaotic for a few moments. But, all chaos and worry went out the door when I saw everyone gathered in this shop, trying to stay dry and stay out of the way of the band. Outside, in the dark, everyone was glistening, people were dancing like they were on So You Think You Can Dance - after all, it was pretty dark out there on the "dance floor" and it was all about pure, unrestricted fun.  But, inside under the fluorescent lights everyone was just as they were. People looked haggard - Like it had been a REALLY hard day! Haha!  The glistening wasn't a glow, but the sweat from dancing. The hairs that, in the dark looked well put together were actually quite tousled.  Nobody was dancing inside, but everyone was talking and having a good time. Nobody cared how each other looked. The laughter resumed and in no time the music had been turned back on. It was too much for the band to set everything up again, so they packed up and left. THIS was fun. This was real, and I enjoyed being out with my friends just being......us. I loved meeting new people and having grown up conversations. The food was wonderful, the drinks were a plenty and the music was right. Heaven knows that if this was a group of twenty somethings they would have all ran to their cars to leave when the rain began. This was a very nice way to end a Saturday night.

So, thank you to Katie for staying home with the kids so we could go out. Thank you to the Zorza's for hosting such fun (and to Kris for protecting my honor in Corey's dream,) and thank you to everyone who made it a memorable night out for me - I've been out more in the past 3 months than the past 5 years....I like it!! Keep it comin', friends!!

Makin' Memories with Mama

It's funny how when you're younger, and you go places with your mom, sometimes you just don't "get it." A mother always has a reason behind what she does, where she takes her children and how she spends her time bonding with her children. It's no secret that my mother and I haven't been as close as a mother and daughter normally are, but, in my adulthood I've discovered her reasons for doing what she did with my sister and me as children, because, I've begun to mimic some of those things. (We always say we'll never be like our mothers, and, yet, somehow something about us always is.)

As somber as it sounds, I love visiting Willamette Cemetery in Albany, Oregon, but, for good reason; All of the relatives on my mothers side of the family are there. When I was little my mother used to take me there and we'd place flowers along the graves of aunts, uncles and grandparents. My mother and I also have something in common - We both lost a sister at a young age. You know my story with my sister, but, my mother lost her sister Beverly to cancer at 12 years old - My Mom was just 14. Beverly's grave is also there, and my mom often visited the cemetery to talk with her and reminisce. When I was younger, I just thought it was a part of what you do....Now I realize that there's a grieving process that occurs, and sometimes going to "talk" with those you've lost help to bring a sense of closure and give you the ability to move on. It's been years since I've been there, but, on the way to southern Oregon to pick up Katie a few weeks ago, I stopped by. The only sounds were the "whoosh" of cars rushing on the freeway in the far distance and the water splashing in the nearby pond. It was peaceful. I talked with my grandpa, whom I was very close with until he passed in 1999, and as I left, there was a solace within me. I felt the way my mother looked every time we left that cemetery when I was a kid. I get it now.

I told my mother about that visit just last week. Ironically enough, without her knowing I was going to be there, she traveled across the mountain from Bend a day later to visit the same place - It's been years for her, too. She also went down to the river, with my sister's urn in tow, to look for agates. We did that every morning - My mother, my sister and I - And, often, my grandpa, too - We went to the river banks of the Willamette and looked for beautiful agates. My sister and I called our mom and grandpa "rock hounds." My mother called us her "pebble puppies." As my mother reminisced on the phone with me about her little trip, she broke down into tears saying how much she wished I had been there with her, too, for old times sake. She had imagined holding our hands, my sister's and mine, while walking along the river, picking up pink, clear and yellow shiny, sparkly rocks. In a nutshell, she was dreaming of how things used to be....Those childhood memories of mine. And, in the tears she shed, I discovered, without her having to say it, that it was the realization that those times are no longer possible. Those days of simplicity are gone.

I suppose this is reminder to myself, and everyone else, for that matter, to make more memories, take more pictures, and find more special moments to leave for your children in the future. I have lots of memories with my mom and my sister, but, somehow the photographers in my family sucked just enough that I have very few "face shots" of us as kids, and no pictures of us as adults. Thank goodness I have a decent memory!! As for now, I know that some of the simple things I share with my children are the things that they'll take with them into adulthood. And, for them, those days of simplicity have just begun.

Dancing Queen

Here we are at the middle of August - The skies are dark and cloudy, the roads nearby are not bustling with farm workers and the quiet of my house has just been interrupted by three very loud little children who have suddenly decided to sword fight with their cereal spoons. Five days ago was nearly a polar opposite scene as the workers were out in the tens trimming the trees with their mariachi music blaring at 7am, the temperature had already reached 80 before dawn and the sounds of the heavy equipment surrounded our house as our driveway was being "paved" with the remnants of the recent reconstruction of highway 35.

Busy, busy week.

Yesterday I took the children to the annual 'Kids Fun Day' hosted by A Kidz Dental Zone here in Hood River. I had planned on taking the kids early (it began at 11am) to beat the 100 degree temps that were set to hit that afternoon, and stay 30 minutes or so. At 1:30 we were just finishing the BEAUTIFUL Face painting that the kids wanted and heading to the car. Yep - Two and a half hours in scorching temps, but, somehow we enjoyed every minute of it!

The kids won prizes, which helped their enthusiasm, and Rayla crashed a dance competition. My Rayla LOVES to dance, and when she heard the MC calling kids up to dance for a prize, she yelled out "I WANNA DANCE!" I said "Okay, we'll get you up there in a minute." I turned my head for a moment only to turn back and see that she had busted her chunky little butt right on stage and began dancing like a fool in front of all the little competitors! She put em' all to shame -  She was cheered on, of course, but, she eventually had to be escorted off because she WOULDN'T LEAVE!! It was hilarious! I was holding bags, t-shirts, prizes, water bottles and hands and thank goodness the beautiful little Tooth Fairy that be Hannah Hart who graciously escorted my Rayla off the stage into my arms. As Rayla ran to me, she asked "Did you see me, mom? I was dancing sooooo good, wasn't I?!?!?"

Yes, Rayla...your dancing stole the show my beautiful girl!

A year ago, or so, we had a little visitor in this house, who I never saw, but who my children named "not me." Apparently that little critter has returned, and is causing all sorts of commotion in this house. Now, as much as I hear that "Not Me" has done something, the more determined I am to find him. However, my children have informed me that no matter what I do, I'll NEVER be able to see him. (Or her, depending on who you ask.) What's even more amazing is when I call a child on something that they've done, and I saw it with my own two eyes, somehow "Not Me" still gets blamed. With tears in their eyes, they have no problem blaming him! Kinda makes me wanna scream sometimes, when I know that they've done something and they won't admit to it!! Stubborn kids....... wonder where they get that?

"Oopsie Daisies"

In a little whisper I overheard Cooper say "Hey, Rayla......I have a secret to tell you......I love you." MELT. MY. HEART!! I mean, I know that this little boy of mine is sweet, but that was beyond sweet. That was a Hallmark moment! When they talk like this, it's heavenly. Unfortunately, I have witnessed the not-so-nice side of my children's words, and I have to say that I am one, not THE only one, but one to blame for their momentary vocab indiscretions.

This momma swears...that's a given. But, I'm not a foul mouthed, rantin' and ragin' kind of girl. My most common slip up, and mocked slip up is "Oh, shit." Yeah, I could probably replace that with shoot, but somehow, when I say it, it comes out with an "i." The first time I heard that come out of Rayla's mouth, I couldn't believe it.This *cute* little pudgy three year old, with the sweetest little voice yells out "Oh, shit, mama!" when she spilled her juice on to the couch. Although it wasn't really funny, I found myself laughing quietly for a moment before I explained that she shouldn't say words like that. I told her she should say "Oh, darn" or "Oopsie Daisies!" I didn't think she saw me laugh, but apparently she did - For the next 2 weeks it was a constant phrase no matter what she did, where she went, or who we were with. One time while in the Safeway meat department she dropped a package of meat over the edge of the cart and on to the floor. Nothing happened, but, still, she yelled out "Oh, shit!!" as loud as she could, or so it seemed. Some people looked at me with eyebrows raised and lips pursed, some people quietly giggled, and one man laughed out loud hysterically. It was quite obvious that he didn't have any kids, as he is the only one who didn't understand the negative impact of his laughing at her comment. Through the rest of the store, she repeated "Oh, shit" in a sing-song voice that just killed me. I was mortified - Upset that she wouldn't stop, but, still silently laughing at the shits she was singing in her own little song. I ignored her and by the time we reached the checkout lane she had stopped. At least, if she was singing this in the store I could keep moving and people wouldn't really know what she said.. Had it continued at the checkout I couldn't move, and I was more likely to get asked how in the world I let my child talk that way!! 

So, to be clear, I DON'T let my kids talk that way. In fact, I've changed what I say. And, for several weeks now, when something unexpected and unwanted happens, we respond with "Oopsie Daisies!!" Lots nicer, especially if we're in public!!

Sometimes when my kids talk, they're talking honestly, though....and although it might not seem appropriate when they say it, it's not really about what I think, it's about how they, as children, interpret their surroundings. Allow me to share some of the past couple of months quotes from my loving children. 

As an old man with a cane and sunglasses walked by us in the pharmacy: 

"Hey, mom! That's an old man. And, he's cool with those SUN glasses on!" - Mackenzie

A woman walking in front of us at the grocery store, all my children in tow:

"Mom! That lady's butt is bigger than yours!! - My sweet boy, Cooper.

A woman wearing.....well....a tank top and shorts, but so small it looked like almost nothing: 

"Mom, why is that girl naked in the store?!?!? She's so silly!!" - Rayla

Love em' dearly. Hate being that woman with the kids who talk loud about people right in front of their faces. Oh, boy.....

Potty training is no longer my worst enemy. Actually, I kicked it's butt. Rayla is fully potty trained and Mackenzie is only a night time pullup away from completion. A few weeks ago I said, "You know what!?!? I can't do it anymore!!!" This double potty training going good for a few days take ten steps backwards start over again pee in everything all the time expensive ass pullup investment crap was taking it's toll on me. So, I just quit buying the pullups. Yep, that was it. I figured if they weren't here, they couldn't use em'! And, if they couldn't use them, since they really didn't like peeing on themselves, they'd just have to get over it and get their butts to the potty a little faster now. And IT WORKED!! 2 days in to it Rayla had no accidents and said she was ready to sleep all night in her undies. Mac took a little longer, but we did it. Now, she still has early morning accidents, hence the night time pullup, but no accidents during the day. We are now on week four of this, and I'm elated!! Not only are we saving $100 a month, but it has given them a sense of pride, and me, in a way, a sense of accomplishment. And, one less reason for them to accidentally shout out "Oh, shit!"  

A Bejeweled Guest

School's out, which means that the dream of maintaining a schedule for one's (my) sanity is temporarily put on pause for a couple of months. In the meantime, I must try to keep our kids entertained, ensuring that they don't get sunburned (apparently, here in Oregon that's not a problem), make sure that their television time is limited, and that they have enough social activities to get them from one week to the next. It's nice not to have to be somewhere. Yet, I find myself asking "what can we do?" School has now been out for 2 weeks, and so far we've stayed busy.

Today, Cooper had a friend from preschool over to visit. He's a shy guy with a little speech impediment that sometimes makes it difficult for people to understand him. Somehow, I do. Cooper and he have become friends over the past year, and it was hard for them to realize that Summer vacation meant you don't see each other again until Fall...Until KINDERGARTEN. So, this little guy's mom and I decided to have them get together this Summer, today being the first visit. A few minutes after arriving and becoming instantly petrified,  he loosened up and had a blast. While the kids were playing outside in the yard, I pulled up a lawn chair and began to play on my ipad. Before long, this little guest was coming over to me to see what I was doing. I didn't even have a chance to say anything before he began to swipe his fingers across the screen turning pages and inadvertently opening apps; he was instantly mesmerized with it. I couldn't stop him - I gently told him no, and began to pull it away only to find that no matter the direction I turned, he was still attached! I laughed out loud, because it was so much like a drug to this little guy and he just "had to have it!" I was playing bejeweled blitz, and that's just what he wanted to do. So, I let him swipe his finger, moving one glittery block after another until the colors matched and the blocks fell, causing the sweetest, most endearing burst of cheery laughter that was great enough to make me smile and cheer right along with him. A few dropped blocks in and he suddenly remembered that there was an airplane to be ridden - So off he went.

I'm looking forward to the memories and adventures that the next friend brings with them, on one of many playdates I'm sure this Summer will entail. And I can't wait for the next burst of laughter to share with em'!

Creative Origins

Many of you know that I am half Mexican. Those who just find this out often respond to me with "okay, yeah, I see it now."  ha.... I have to laugh, because I think that the fact that I don't know my Mexican history as well as I could has actually made me develop a sense of humor that some find offending. You know "who's your daddy" or "Ay papi!" kind of thing. Well, I do know who he is, and in the pictures I have of him he looks as if he probably should have played one of the main characters in Fast Times at Ridgemont high...I just don't know, nor have I ever known, where he is. There is a curiosity that remains about it all, but, at the same time do I even wanna go there?  I have noticed that my Mexican roots sometimes come out in my children, especially when they talk.  "Memmer' this?"....when Rayla says that it makes me think she must be mimicking Carlos Mencia. Maybe she's really just discovered her inner Mexican!! They can all roll their tongues (to an extent) and learning the Spanish language has been extremely easy for them all. My three younger children could pass as being part Mexican - My oldest, not so much. She's as white as snow, and tall. Most Mexicans aren't usually very tall. Because I am Mexican,  her father is....Californian (of course it's an ethnicity!! lol)  and her middle name is Rose, I have historically called her my Mexicali Rose. I do know that it's also the name of a restaurant - And if it hadn't existed before Katie was born, I might think they stole the name. Now, please don't think I'm dogging on the Mexicans. I'm not...I'm embracing the humor that be for not knowing the Mexican part of my own history. My humor and creativity that is displayed in how I present myself, and how I describe my life, comes from all angles of my history - Mexican and not.  


I'm sure going to have fun with the kids in trying to explain that they're Japanese, Finnish, Mexican and Irish....holy name....what about Japafinicanish? Finicanishanese? Irifinnijapican? Hahaha....If only!

School is out for the Summer (thank GOD) and hopefully the rush of getting here and there will ease, even if only temporarily. I can say that I'm happy I'm not fighting with my daughter every day about her HOUR long hair routine every morning. She would take a shower at night, brush out her nappy curls, get up in the morning and immediately get to working on her hair. An hour later, her hair is only scrunched up with gel and her bangs look like they've had a straightener run through it a time or two. WHY does it take an hour for her to do something that would take me FIVE minutes? Seriously, aside from the straightened bangs her hair doesn't look much different from when she actually rolled out of bed. I'm fairly certain that she's modeling in front of the mirror for 50 minutes trying to make sure that her hair looks good no matter what angle she is turned in. That doesn't work for me so well. I KNOW that people just don't give a rats ass about whether or not a single strand of hair is sticking out a little further than the others. I put my hair up in a clip almost every day. Even in high school, and my friends can attest to this, I would get on the bus with a mop top, brush it then and either whisk it up into a clip, or mousse and scrunch it up to dry naturally and freely. Not my kid. If the twins can't get their act together at that age and learn to just "let go" then I'm going to lose my mind! Two of em' pulling this crap every day would be enough for me to just shave their heads. That's the new rave, right? :)

I am quite lucky, though, that all my kids have a sense of creativity, some stronger than others. Katie is creative in the way she talks smack to us. A couple nights ago, after a suggestion from dad to go to bed early, just because, Katie wished us goodnight on her way to bed with a "Goodnight FA-THER." We laughed hysterically over this into the next day. My girls love bugs, and searching for them. So much, in fact, that many of the petals of my flowers have been removed for the sake of "looking underneath" to see if the bugs are hiding there. (sigh)....And Cooper, even at this very moment, is on a mission with invisible guns and hammers, trying to find the almighty super-fly, so that he may capture and destroy him! (I won't argue, as I hate flies...I probably won't go as far as to "capture" him, but destroy I will!!)