Don't scare me like that!!

Oopsy Daisies! Yeah, 3 months since the last post is silly. But, not without merit. I mean, these kids just keep me going, and going, and going........

I kinda feel like the energizer bunny, but without the energy.

The past 3 months have been quite exhausting to say the least. Between all the parties, get- togethers, school programs,

surgeries (I'll get to that), holiday gatherings, and general child rearing, Corey and I have been nearly out of our minds a time or two with delirium. Unfortunately, delirium in this household is not uncommon, and though it is not welcome, we understand it well and can accommodate it's invasion, however long it may be. But we were blessed during the holidays to be able to spend time together, as a family, enjoying our children's experiences, excitement and LOVE for all things Christmas. I went a little overboard this year with our indoor decorations, and even began singing them carols in October. But, when Christmas came, they were prepared! And following a very scary couple of months with Katie, by Christmas Day there was a sparkle in the air, a thrill, a light that was brighter than we could have ever hoped that made every second of our holidays so special this year.

And this is how the nightmare began......

Katie returned from her trip to California in mid August, and right around the time school started I noticed a bump just above her left temple. It looked similar to a calcium deposit she had as an infant, which was in close proximity to the location of the one we noticed now. I was told when she was a baby that the deposit would disappear as it grew with her skull. I thought it had, as I hadn't seen it in nearly 14 years...so I called to make an appointment for Katie to see the doctor. In my attempts to find out how long the bump was present, because all Katie could tell me was that it showed up one day, I called her step-mom who is a beautician and did Katie's hair just a day before she left California. She didn't see it when she did Katie's hair. Kinda made me worry at this point.

We finally got into the doctor for the exam in mid - October. She told us that it was probably another calcium deposit, much like the one she had as a baby, but probably unrelated to the one she had as a baby. Because she wasn't 100% sure of this, she referred us to an ENT to consult on it and possibly have it removed. That was scheduled for Mid November. To make all matters worse, after Katie arrived home from California she began having these horrible headaches. Over the weeks her headaches became so bad that they were making her sick in the morning to the point that she couldn't function. She had now missed 4 days of school in two weeks. I couldn't let her suffer like this anymore, so we went back to the doctor. Because of the headaches, and the appearance of the bump, the doc decided to send her in for a CT. We saw the doc on Friday, November 4 and went for the CT on Monday. This was still nearly two weeks bef

ore we were scheduled to see the surgeon. The CT was done that early Monday morning. But, since Katie's doctor was not in that day we were told that her nurse would call us the next day sometime with the results. At 7:20 the next morning, I saw the doctor's office number on the caller ID...Got a little nervous at this early morning call. It was the doctor herself. She called to say that The bump on Katie head was not a tumor (which, because of the headaches became a concern), but that she has tumorous lesions on her skull. The Radiologist diagnosed Katie with Eosinophillic Granulomas. It was good that we still had that appointment scheduled with the surgeon. But, by the next day, the surgeon's office had called us to say that that Katie's case, according to the results of her scan and diagnosis by the Radiologist, was too advanced for them and that she needed to go to Portland for her care at this point. Naturally, freak out set in at maximum levels.

After telling Corey the results of the call from the doctor, and sharing it with his mother as well, we were like a research team, working together investigating every avenue of this disease. We found that it is a fairly rare disease, and though most of the time it occurs in the lungs, having it on the bone could be disastrous if it made it to the bone marrow. This disease, which just a few years ago was automatically diagnosed as bone cancer, could turn into a cancer of sorts, if not treated appropriately. What?!? How do you tell your child that she might have cancer? How do you prepare her for the possibility of the things she might have to endure? I'll tell you how, because we had to.

We sat her down and explained to her the disease that she was diagnosed with. We told her that some people get cancer from it, and some don't. Nearly everyone would

have to be treated for this, but some longer than others. She might lose her hair. She might miss some school. She might have to have Chemotherapy. We PREPARED her for the worst, but armed her with knowledge so that she could work for and hope for the best. That's what parents do. We inform, reassure, support and we love.

Our appointment with the surgeon at OHSU finally came on December 1st. Corey, Katie and I went in prepared for a long day of tests and exams. We got there and they had no idea why we were there. That's right...no paperwork whatsoever. In fact, when the doctor came in the room, he said "So, can you tell me why you're here, Katie?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I suffer from high blood pressure, and the surge of the blood to my face had to be painfully obvious. After catching my breath, I told him. He ordered immediate films from the hospital here in Hood River and all notes from her doctor's office. It took a while, but they got there. Before they got there, though, he still went on with the exam. He poked, prodded and said "It feels like a dermoid cyst." Naturally, I though "huh?" Since we had not seen the CT, he looked it over with us and pointed it out again. "Looks like that on here, too." "And, as far as the Eosinophillic Granulomas goes, I don't see that anywhere. I don't know what the radiologist was looking at, except maybe the area around the cyst...but still, it isn't an obvious tell. It's something that we'll have to determine during surgery." And that's where the surgery stuff comes in. He informed us that, the cyst was in fact the same thing she had as a child...it was not a calcium deposit as I was told. But, though we couldn't see it on the surface, that's because it had actually grown inward and dented in her skull. An illness, or compromise in her immune system in August or September is likely was caused the outward push of the cyst, making it's appearance on the outer surface of her skull. It was the size of a marble. Because it had appeared so fast, the concern now was that it would continue to grow and do real damage to her already damaged skull. It had to be removed.

Her surgery was December 9th at Doernbecher Children's Hospital. It was the scariest thing she's ever been through, but, she did so well. Of all things to worry about it was about the hospital gown she had to wear, and whether the doctors and nurses were going to see her butt. My worry was a little different than hers. I can't begin to express the

fear and the helplessness of seeing my child in a hospital bed gearing up for her surgery, then afterwards in pain, attempting to regain consciousness from a surgery. As we sat by her, for hours after her surgery, it seemed like forever. And, being in a recovery area full of children and babies was not easy to endure, either. The only reassuring thing was that every parent there was feeling the same thing we were at that very moment, and they were, just like us, trying to ease the pain and fear that their child was experiencing. In the end, I have to say, that was the best care I could have asked for for my child. Every staff member, down to receptionist, was as accommodating and friendly as we could have ever asked. That helped to shape her memories, too....and make it not so nightmarish.

In late December, just 2 days before Christmas, we went back in to the surgeon for the post op appointment. He commended Katie on her wound care, and informed us that the biopsy done on the cyst, as well as an exam of her skull during surgery, showed NO signs of Eosinophillic Granulomas. NONE. Katie was misdiagnosed. As much as I want to be angry for having to deal with the emotional trauma of thinking my child could die, and having to tell her so, I find myself more happy with the outcome that is. There is something to be said about not wanting to pursue legal action for the emotional distress we suffered. Mostly so, because the emotional distress we'd suffer had her results been different, would have been greatly multiplied. I am thankful that we were spared such an experience.....and that much more thankful that Katie gets to go on living a normal teenage life...Hair and all!! What a fantastic Christmas present for all of us!

Regarding the headaches - She has migraines. She is now being treated for them, and so far things have been better since she's been on medication. Unfortunately the on set of these horrible migraines coincided with the bump, which is why it wasn't diagnosed as this from the beginning. My sighs of relief about this whole ordeal always include a growl, if you can imagine that. So, as a lesson to myself, ask more questions early on. I trusted that first diagnosis, and maybe next time, I'll get a second opinion.

Enlisted

Being a stay at home mother has lots of ups and downs. More ups than downs, though. One of my "go to" tasks, when I feel overwhelmed, is to make a list of things for certain reasons. List of things my children teach me, list of things that make me happy, list of things that I want to do while a stay at home mom are just a few of the things I've "listed." Today, I'm going to share with you one of such lists:

Things people in this household have learned this month

1.) Toddlers are quite capable of telling a fib. "I mean, seriously, that rank smell in your pants is NOT poop? And, yes, still, the cup you're holding upside down will dump the juice out. Please stop."

2.) I don't take my kids places enough. While driving to The Dalles yesterday the children were screeching in excitement over the rivers and trees they were seeing. It's not like they NEVER get out, but, jeez, they were acting like I've held them in a dungeon for years!

3.) I hate that damn cotton/polyester Halloween spider web decoration crap. I was an idiot to think that it was a good idea to have it in my home. And, that spider "web" we put up last week for decoration? Well, it now looks more like someone pulled the stuffing out of a pillow and stuck it on the window. :/

4.) My twins still think that the potty is where you go to sit and sing...not to actually use. "Oh, I just peed mom - I think it's time to go to the potty!........A, B, C, D, E....." I am still working vigilantly to see that they learn to pee IN the potty, and that's it's not meant as a reward throne.

5.) Apparently I was mistaken in thinking that books are to be read - My children seem to have created every other purpose for their books, other than reading. It's quite depressing.

6.) No matter how much I clean, my children will be right behind me dropping things like they're supposed to be there. "Uh, oh! Mommy's moving all our toys. After she vacuums, guys, lets put the toys back where she found them!! Silly, ol' mommy!!"

7.) If you haven't seen "Up All Night," the new TV show with Christina Applegate, then you should. Although they only have one child on the show, and we have 4, the thoughts that are put into their script are very much like the things that happen with me and Corey. You just might understand.

8.) The laundry will never get caught up. Ever. At least, not for 16 years at a minimum. Some article of clothing will always get put in the hamper right after I've loaded the last bundle of clothes into the washer. Always.

9.) It's not good to have a bad battery in your truck, while hunting on a mountain, at sunset, with no cell service. Yeah.

10.) Just because everyone liked that dinner I made once does not mean that they're going to like it again. In fact, the chances of that happening, ever, are slim to none.

11.) The children will always want whatever the other has. No matter how many toys this house is loaded with, they want THAT toy. It's the stupidest thing, and I don't know that I'll ever understand it. "This block, honey, is the SAME EXACT block that Kenzie has. No, it's not THAT block, but what's the difference? Oh, Kenzie has it, and that makes it special....that's the difference." For shits sake! Really?!?! lol

12.) "Screaming at me because you're angry at something does not help you get your way. It may get you a time out in your room - But it certainly won't make me give you what you want."

13.) "My sweet children, there is nothing in the garbage that should interest you. NOTHING. It may be colorful, it may have an odd odor, but you are never to investigate it's contents. Unless, that is, you've snuck into my room, taken my rings and decided that's where you're going to hide them."

Being a stay at home mother is by far the most isolating thing I've ever experienced. I talk to my kids so much that when I do get the chance to talk to an adult I probably sound like an idiot. But, if not for the opportunity to stay with my kids, I wouldn't get the chance to come to realizations like those above. And, because it could get depressing, I try to find the most comedic way to view my daily life. Not to say I haven't had my breakdowns - I have, and my poor husband has been at the forefront to bring me back to life. We all get worn down, torn down and depressed. We all have moments of ultimate sadness, moments of ultimate anger and moments of ultimate happiness. In the end, it's how we grasp those moments. It's how we respond to them. If there's one thing I know for sure, life is not perfect. But, the moments that create this life are. And without those perfect moments, I wouldn't be where I am today.

"FUN" damentals of Halloween

I LOVE cold weather! Let me rephrase; I LOVE Fall weather. The cool, crisp days that now envelope every moment of every day is something I look forward to every year. The leaves are turning colors The tractors are humming from moving bins of pears from here to there. The smell of freshly lit wood stoves surrounds my senses. FALL IS HERE! It absolutely is my favorite season.

Part of what I love about the Fall is Halloween. There's something so wonderful to the mysteries surrounding the holiday, and the way it's observed by people. Some people believe that Halloween was designed under religious form, and was just a way for demons to hide in plain sight among us. Ha....news doesn't lie. Those "demons" are all over the news every day. They don't hide. Some people celebrate with whimsical fun, much like my family. We get involved. We love the dress up, the pretending, and the fact that we can dress however we want and on this day nobody will judge us. I'm not saying that we enjoy dressing up like we live in Halloweentown all the time... It's just FUN!!

As a child I was always given the freedom to dress how I wanted. The first costume that I vividly remember was the one I wore while in Kindergarten. Remember it, I do..... Yoda, was I! I was so in love with all those Star Wars movies back then - And I loved Yoda. Another year I wanted to be a queen - In the early 80's it was commonplace for someone to make a costume for their children. My grandmother is a seamstress and was elated to make my queen costume. I remember a dress, a cape, and a crown made from cardboard and tin-foil. There is a picture, somewhere, of me staring into a mirror with this costume on, smiling from ear to ear - I guess all little girls have that "royal" dream at some point. Lucky for me, I have a husband who on occasion makes me feel like the Queen I dreamed of becoming when I was just a little girl. All together now "aawwwwww!"

The crazy costume carnival at our house began weeks ago. With the discovery of Halloween at ALL my children's hands this year, every one has expressed their completely different interests in dressing up. Cooper has changed his mind so many times this year that we've compared him to his big sister, who changes outfits ten times before leaving for school every day - First, he wanted to be Woody. Then, he wanted to be Buzz. But, if you know my son, he's VERY detail oriented and by the time he laid out all the things he "needed" in order to be Buzz, it was going to be a very expensive, and ridiculous, costume. And, by very, I'm talking hundreds of dollars and basically asking to be as "real" as Buzz could get. No way, no how - Twenty bucks tops in this household, and even that's pushing it! Four kids to dress up and parade around gets a little spendy. And, of course, there was no way in this modern day and age that he, or his father, would let me try to make that costume. Not that I could, anyways. I'm an awful seamstress. He went through every detail of this costume with us: He needed a jet pack, the plastic pop up wings, special white gloves, the helmet with the plastic cover, and the boots to go with it. THE boots, that is.....Not the covers, or the fake white boots. The REAL boots, and no place on this friggin' planet, except at maybe Universal Studios, made the boots he wanted. Therefore, Buzz was nixed. (I can't say I'm bummed about it)

Mario made the cut this year and I'm so excited to see him in full Mario get up.....YAY!! The girls battled for a while back and forth between princesses, and for a long time we were certain that Ray was going to be Rapunzel and Kenzie was going to be Cinderella.... But, then, Party express sent me a catalog of Halloween costumes, and our once already decided evening became a weeks long period of constant mind changing: Cowgirl, cat, spider, mouse, cow, Mario, witch, princess, ninja, goth bride, Pooh bear, Piglet, pirate, Tigger, Roo, Mickey, Minnie, Daisy, a dog, mom, Dorothy, Indian, cheerleader......Yeah, you get the point. They basically decided at every page that they wanted to be something ON that page. All dilemmas have been resolved, the costumes are now chosen and purchased, and now there's no going back - Pretty witch and Snow White will be on display on all Hallows Eve. Even Katie's going to dress up - But, I can't be sure exactly what she's going to be - Whatever it will be, it will be eclectic, wild, and whimsical - Kinda like the child she is! Halloween is going to be so much FUN when it finally gets here!

We're a fun bunch of people, for the most part. Corey and I love our children, and though I bring a strictness to us that helps to be scheduled, Corey brings out his inner child to help us be creative. A few nights ago before the kids settled for bed, we played duck, duck goose with the kids. Have any of you played this with 2 toddlers, a 4 year old and a 13 year old? It's a stinkin' mess. First of all, the teen child sits and reads while her head is patted. She's actually more of a prop for them - Always the duck, never the goose. She doesn't complain - In her eyes she's still playing with em'! Haha. But, every time one of the children yells out "Goose" and pats a head, they all run. And run, and run and run until someone sits and they all follow. This could take hours if they let it. Cooper gets the game, but the girls just see it as a chance to be chased - Even if they're the ones who are supposed to be doing the chasing. So, we run, all of us at times, in circles around our living room, through the kitchen and dining room, sometimes not stopping because the girls still think they're supposed to be chased. Our last "game" that evening concluded with all 6 of us running around the house, chasing each other over furniture with arms flailing. No one was it anymore, the goose was unknown and all the kids cared about was not getting tagged. Total chaos. And, Corey and I are not as lithe as we used to be. Couch hopping, spot diving and chasing children, who seem to have jets on their feet, is an exhausting feat. And, after the children all go to bed, we begin to feel the muscle spasms in our backs, our heads begin to pound and the Advil comes out. Oh, the joys of parenthood!

Or, just last night, Corey brought in a 15 foot long, 6 inch wide PVC pipe. You can only imagine how priceless the excitement and joy in their faces was! I wonder sometimes whether my husband is thinking straight when he does things for our children. But, every time, in the end all the children are happy - He can tap into that inner child of his unlike anyone I've ever seen. He can think of things the kids would love to do, probably because he'd love to do them, too. I do believe, now, that I was probably over sheltered as a child - I can be creative, but not near as creative as him. So, the PVC pipe was in the living room. Of course, having this brought in just before bed didn't thrill me at first, but the kids acted like they were at Disneyland with it. The rolled cars down and watched them shoot out of the opposite end. They played teeter totter on it - And we discovered that all three children are too heavy to have on it at the same time (imagine that.) They hung on it, slid on it, climbed like monkeys up it, raced cars on it, balanced on it and even rolled it like a log (unintentional) at times. All this for an hour. The mother in me was more concerned about which child was going to get a black eye, which one would knock out their teeth when they attempted to jump over it, and whether or not there were spiders in it that would now be running around our house. (the pipe came from outside in the shop) But, boy, did they have fun. I never would have thought to bring in PVC pipe. I suppose I'll leave that up to Corey....and I don't think I'll get any arguments out of that.

In preparation for Halloween we have carved some pumpkins, baked the seeds and have displayed our house with that stupid cotton spider web stuff that, once touched, never seems to want to let you go. The children are fascinated with it, and mostly became so when they noticed it on display at Walmart, strung above all the registers and riddled with plastic spiders and bugs. Naturally, we got some plastic bugs, too. But, I'm short - So short that for years my daughter told people that I was a midget - and I couldn't reach the ceilings to put this clothes clinging crap across. And, ladders are not my favorite things. So, instead, it's covering our living room windows. The kids can reach it to place bugs and other random toys in, and pull it apart for pure curiosity. Choose your battles, right?

Less than 2 weeks now to Halloween so I better start getting some treats mastered. If there's anything I can do at Halloween, it's treats! And, if anyone has any awesome treat recipes that you'd like to share, I'd love to have them!

Happy Halloween to all from our monster house to yours!!

Things just keep getting curiouser and curiouser...

A few weeks ago my children were playing dress up. Rayla grabbed a fairy dress and began to dress herself up. Mackenzie wanted that outfit and was suddenly quite upset. I went to the dress up box and pulled out a red silk kimono. I told her to come to me and we'd dress her up as a queen. She adamantly refused stating "No! I want to be a princess! No like queen! Princess has pretty pink dress!" Now, as I sit there laughing with a slight frustration behind it I decided that maybe it's a good thing she doesn't want to be a queen. I mean, for all they know mommy is the Queen - maybe they should just keep thinking that it's supposed to be that way!

The girls found my mascara in my purse last week, and decided to "decorate" themselves. Kenzie actually claimed to try to look like a "kitty." She did pretty well, considering. And, Rayla just want to look like that princess that they so love. Although they did manage to get some of the mascara on their face, the pictures don't show that they also painted their arms, their hands, their legs and feet.

Heaven knows how they managed to keep it off carpet!!

That got me thinking: What in the world could possibly make my girls think that Queens are bad? I have three answers: Alice in Wonderland, Snow White and, well, me! I know that Disney has other Queens, but no Queen in any movie has an impact like the Queen of Hearts or the Queen in Snow White....and they're not nice. So, when my children have occasionally called me Queen, I reveled in it, not thinking about the fact that the only other Queens they've seen are evil, mean and nasty. I now have a deeper understanding for what they mean when they call me "The Queen."

Children are beautiful, smart, witty and somehow know just what to say to make a memorable impression. They understand us beyond anything we can imagine. They hear us, they copy us, they love us and they mock us. If you watch your children closely whilst in a lunatic state, I bet they're shooting off words or actions that they've inauspiciously heard from you while you didn't think they were paying any attention. They do listen, and they pay close attention. And, they're so smart that they know how to make you think they don't know what you're saying. Oh, those deceitful children!!

White at the dinner table yesterday at mealtime, we began a discussion with the three youngest children to see what responses we would get.

Corey: Okay, Cooper, who's faster? Mac or Ray?

Cooper: I am!

Cara: Well, we know you're fast Cooper, but, what about your sisters?

Cooper: Rayla's faster.

Rayla: I am!

Corey: Who's smarter?

Cooper: I am!

Rayla: I am!

Cara: Who's nicest?

Cooper and Ray in unison: I am!

Mackenzie: I am!

Corey: Who's the naughtiest?

Cooper and Rayla in unison: Not me!!

We then look over to find that Mackenzie has lowered her head. Her little chin is touching her chest, but her eyes have the orneriest look I've ever seen in them.

Corey: Mackenzie? Are you the naughtiest?

Mackenzie in very low voice, with an accepting smile and her angry eyes: Yes.....

Naturally, the laughter in our house exploded! They did understand! Another thing they understand is that naughty and nice list IS real, and they will do anything in their power to stay on that nice list, or get back on it if they should fall into the naughty list. Tee hee..... That's right folks, we threaten em' with Christmas presents......all.....year.......long. But, it works.

The children's curiosity level is set to high at the moment. Everything they

see must be investigated. Every drawer in this house has been opened. Every closet has been stared at. Ever piece of clothing has been pulled out of dressers and thrown around. Every paper has been wrinkled or torn, just to see what it does. Every button has been pressed. And, every nerve has been tested. Many of the curiosity expeditions are of good nature, but, some are just down right wrong. Toilet fishing? Yeah, seen that.

Pulling off outlet covers to see what they can stick into them? Yep, nearly had a heart attack over that. Dropping mom's wedding ring into a full garbage to see where it goes. Oh, yeah....now looking through a full garbage for a wedding ring is FUN!! There's honestly no telling what else they've put in that garbage - I just happened to be chasing Rayla to get that ring back when she ran straight to the garbage with it, so I SAW it. A few weeks ago the children found a tree frog on our back deck - Rayla became immediately fascinated with it, and wouldn't let it out of her sight. She chased it back and forth for a while, but then when he headed toward the edge of the deck she decided she needed a closer look. She went around and spied it until I called her away. Curiosity like that is endearing, wonderful and the type of thing that I support ten fold. Fishing for crap, not so much.

So until next time, I'm going to go and help my children find something fascinating to envelope their minds. I'm also going to put some children in time out for thinking they can pull a three stooges slap act.......Oh, Lord, I think I need a drink.

Flappin's Not My Thing

Today was Katie's middle school registration. I hate this day. Not just today, but the last couple of years. Sixth grade was good - got some questions answered, and everyone seemed pretty helpful. 7th grade was exhausting, yet still tolerable. Today I wanted to scream. Who's bright idea was it to hold a registration for all grades, mixed together, in a gym with no air conditioning, all doors closed and NINETY DEGREES OUTSIDE??? There must be a better way. I felt like I was lined in a cattle herd awaiting a hot iron brand to be stamped to my ass. Most of our waiting was done behind the 6th graders and their parents who had every question imaginable for every person that they saw. Many of these parents asked the same questions over and over again, and every person answered the same, lengthy answer each time. My boiling point was reaching dangerous levels in this place today. Unfortunately there seemed to be a "no cutting" trend going on, so I would have been "that jerk" had I gone around. And, by the end of this parade we were all dripping sweat, and the children (not just mine) were screaming in complete misery.

With all that time I got to spend in line today, I had plenty of time to look around at all the people standing around me. I discovered that, although I'm a chubby little chicken, I was probably the best looking chubby chicken in that joint! That sounds so conceited, but let me clarify: I was probably the most appropriately dressed plus size woman in that gym. I try to make sure that, as a plus size person, I am not dressing like my 13 year old daughter. It's pretty easy not to, but still. There are some simple rules all of us big girls should follow daily: No super short shorts, no bra's hanging out, no skimpy tank tops in public without arm flap covers - That kind of thing. Is it really that hard for big girls to dress decently? I've seen this for years, and have had issues with it for a while, so I've decided to make a list for any larger than average chick who is confused with what's appropriate, and what's not. I've said it before, but I have to share it again. Lemme break it down:

• Tank tops are nice - But, nobody wants to see your gut or boobs hanging out like they're trying to escape from a straight jacket. Size matters, and with tanks and t shirts, sometimes bigger IS better :) Extra larger girls need to also cover up the wings they've got on the under side of their arms . No need to be flappin' like a bird if you ain't one.
• Buy a size up - It's just a number, and you'll look a thousand times better. Your husband will think so too.
• Spandex shorts are for working out. They aren't for dressing up in a tank top that's too small with a flashy pair of flip flops. (I saw this today, actually, and I came to the conclusion that the woman was in such a hurry that she just forgot to put her clothes on)
• Muffin tops are not cool. Not to say that I haven't had my share of them, but I wonder if many of the women whom I have seen display these aren't doing it because they think that's how they're supposed to look. IT'S NOT....It's not pretty, it's not cute and you're way overemphasizing something that shouldn't be emphasized at all. Keep em' in the bakery, ladies!
• Jeans are not meant to be squeezed in to - At least, not if you're over 30. You honest to God look like you're suffocating. Your butt does not become smaller with a smaller size. Your waist is also, still the same size. And if you think that you walk like a model in those smaller pants you're quite mistaken. You look more like a duck. Quack. Quack.
• This is a personal preference, but thongs (undies) should not be seen atop the waistband of your pants or shorts, no matter your size. Plus size girls should avoid them at all costs. Why would you want to draw attention to your already large back end with the display of some lacy or silky thongs sticking out the top of your pants? And those who do attempt this are also usually the girls who try to saran wrap their jeans to themselves. It's a no-win situation and if ever there was a picture of "trashy", well, that just might fit the bill. The thong is wrong when baby's got back!!
• And finally, though sometimes it's inevitable for them to be seen under tanks and tops, bra straps are not supposed to be worn with the intent of purposely displaying them in such a manner. Again, why do plus size women and girls feel the need to bring attention to areas that are naturally getting more attention than they need? They do not in any way make you appealing, and if someone is looking at you, it's not out of envy - It's out of pity, for the fact that you must put yourself on display in such a manner that is degrading, not only to yourself, but to the rest of the plus size population who at least TRY to look decent. Men will and do actually find you appealing with your clothes on, and with your bra straps covered. Give it a try sometime, cover up! It's a rush for those who've never done it before!

Ironically enough I blog this right now dressed in a tank top and shorts. However, I am comfortable in my own home, recuperating from the trip to registration hell and back. And, my over-shirt is hanging on the hall tree by the front door, just in case I must venture in public again - Cause' if I went out without it, people would think I'm trying to fly! And, flappin's not my thing.

At Least My Kids Aren't Jerks

So, I was at dinner with my bunco friends last night and it was brought to my attention that my blogging has fallen behind. Going to blame my children for this one - And, not necessarily in a bad way. These kids of mine have personalities that make one wonder if they were conceived in a circus tent. Obviously not, but they're crazy and we've had us some adventures this Summer.

This morning, the twins woke me up to a heated conversation they were sharing. I got up, changed their pants, and we went to the living room where they continued that crazy conversation for a good half hour. Some things we understood, some things were mangled. But, you could tell that they were saying something! They were talking SO much that it makes me wonder just how much sugar their father fed them before putting them to bed. Or how much they had to drink - I woke at 1am to change a wet bed, and woke to them being soaked again at 6am! That doesn't happen when I put them down. Hmmm......

The past couple of months have been exhilarating with these munchkins. They're learning new words (all three of them), and have all decided that being a drama queen is in their best interest. Well, I've got news for them - The only thing being as dramatic as they are will do is get them a nice paragraph written about them on my blog.

Nearly every word I say is repeated by my son for curiosity sake. He'll say "Damn it." Then ask, Can I say damn it, mom?" We then go into a good hour long talk about what's okay to say and what's not. He has said some words to me, or in front of me, that would in no way possible come out of my mouth. I then begin to wonder who in the hell decided to share that stuff with my son!! There are never any confessions.

Mackenzie is such an actress. And, for the record, I know that they've been studying their big sister since they were born in order to try to master the art of dramatic manipulation. It works sometimes. So, back to Mac - This child will act out and recite movies like she's trying out for a part. It's actually quite amazing to watch her in action - She will dance around, hum to the music, sing along and join in like she's a part of the show. Now, as wonderful as her little drama stuff is, she's definitely not prim and proper. The girls have a dress up box that contains some of Katie's old ballet tutu's and performance attire - Rayla can dress herself up in a flash. But, Mackenzie - Not so much. The last time she tried to put on the tutu dress she wound up with her head through the leg hole and the arm straps under her feet wallowing on the floor because she couldn't move. She then became so angry at herself that she just broke down - I tried to help, but the stinker wanted to do it herself. She hasn't touched the dress up clothes since. She's happiest just playing in dirt.

Little Rayla is a non-listener. She doesn't like to listen to what she's told. In fact, she ALWAYS does the opposite. I tried to play opposite day with her, but then she did what I said. And, when I tried to outsmart her by saying "yes" on opposite day, she decided we weren't playing that anymore, and did it anyways. She runs away and laughs like a little monster who's being ornery for the complete and utter joy of it. On a lighter note, the kid can dress herself up to look like "Raypunzel" and be the scene stealer of any moment. We call her "Raypunzel" because of her hair - It's down to her butt! What 2 year old has hair that long? Well, mine does, I guess. And she milks every bit of that nickname - Stinkin' little princess!!

Katie spent 2 months in California and returned last week. She flew home alone this time, and though she was scared shitless, she did just fine. I can't express just how happy I am to have her home. It's funny - When she's here, we go on living every day, doing what we need to do and I find that I often fight with her. And, by the time summer comes each year, we're both ready for a break. In fact, that's most often the time when she discusses not living in our house anymore. But, by the end of the Summer, she's missed us and ready to come home and be a happy family again. As am I - Cause', there's no denying that her help to me is of a magnitude that a thankful expression on a blog can't justify. She's wonderful - and I'm SO glad she's home.

I do not get out as much as I did even three months ago. Something has changed in my children - Something evil. They LOVE to get in the car and go somewhere, as long as that somewhere is not Safeway, Rosauers or Walmart. I might actually just blame the stores. And, I think that there's a "psycho" mist they spray on us as we walk in the door for the sole purpose of making us leave sooner than planned. I mean, it's absolutely amazing how my children could be fine at the car, and even through the parking lot. But, the moment we set foot in the store they become creatures unlike anything I've every seen. They scream, flail, kick, grab things off the shelf and throw them, unbuckle themselves and climb out of the carts like their freestylin' at the playground. I've seen this many times over at the store with other people and their ONE child. But, two or three children doing this at the same time?? Oh my God..... And I say that directly to the man..... But, it's pretty surprising I haven't been banned from one or more shopping establishments. And, in every instance, we come out without something on our list.

I rely quite a bit on my child leashes for the girls when I go anywhere else. I look like a dog walker when I'm out and about with them, but, if the shoe fits......! I just don't have enough hands to do it without them! Some people smile at me, some people commend me for my "smarts" in child control, and some people sneer at me. The people who smile are usually older, and silently thanking me for not being that asshole parent who lets their children take over and run amock screaming and terrorizing anything that comes in their path. The people who commend me are usually parents in similar situations who often do the same, or are admiring me for giving them the idea to use themselves. And the sneers - Well, those often come from the asshole parents who let their children run amock, screaming and terrorizing anything that comes in their path BECAUSE they think that they're giving their children the freedom to express themselves, be creative and have FUN! It's no fun watching children act like jerks, especially when their parents are letting them do it. Heck, if my kids are being butts, we leave - It's as simple as that. I'm not going to allow them to disrespect me or anyone else because they need to be creative. My kids can be creative by repeating what I say after we've returned to the car and I've sworn to myself out of pure frustration and angst.......

And, into the school year, I'm going to have many moments of craziness - I'm still babysitting other children! How stupid can one get, right? Haha. What I'm looking forward to the most is the dentist appointment that the children have next week in which all three are going to be in a chair, with a little boy I babysit at my side. I was supposed to watch my 1 year old niece that day, too.....But that might be a little much.

I don't ask for torture. It seems to happen naturally for me. I just go with the flow. And, sometimes I get caught up in the current......But, at least I haven't drowned.

Who's your Daddy?

In the latter part of my childhood, I had the privilege of being raised by my grandparents. My grandma worked to keep health insurance, but my grandpa had long retired from his work as a scientist for the US Bureau of Mines. This left me with a lot of time to spend with my grandpa, mostly doing things that grandpa's do: Hunting, fishing, boating, hitting the auctions, looking at RV's, travelling in the RV he bought, walking, and, best of all, just taking a drive to look at the scenery. Yeah, you might think, "Oh, man, what a boring life!", right? Well, no, it wasn't. There was a connection that I had with my grandpa that was exactly what a father and daughter should have had.

I called him Granddad, and, when he passed away, I was the first to speak at his funeral. I remember saying to the crowd "He was the grandest dad there ever was." Man, was that the truth. Also, in the eulogy, I made sure to include that every time he took me to the dentist he'd fall asleep in the waiting room and snore SO loud. I was mortified! But, after a few visits over the years, the staff in the office became quite accustomed to his grunts and snorts, as did I. It became an endearing thing, that we just laughed about after the fact.

When I was fifteen, my grandpa had gone off somewhere one Saturday - I didn't know where, I didn't care, I didn't ask. But, a few hours later he returned driving the ugliest orange car I'd ever seen in my life. At first, it didn't dawn on me - And then he said, "Here's your new car!" I'm pretty sure I must have turned pale at that point. But, I didn't let that overrule me. It was a car! It was my second set of training wheels! The first, of course, being the blue banana seat bike he bought me when we lived in Albany. So, there it was. That damn orange car. So I practiced, nearly every day - Parking in the driveway, driving on the highway to Mt. Bachelor with my grandpa, who, by the way smoked NON-STOP whenever he was in the car with me, and driving around the neighborhood in whatever weather came that day. With good intentions, he decided that it needed a "paint" job. Oh, Lord. He spray painted black racing stripes on the bottom part of both sides of that car. I thought it couldn't get any worse. I got in quite a bit of practice when, to my dismay, my grandpa insisted that we take THAT car, attached to our 30 foot motor home, on a trip across the country. Yeah, I practiced. But, for the most part, I stayed hidden in the back. Can you imagine both my grandparents, my great grandma, me, and sometimes a dog, crammed into a 2 door Datsun?!?! I need not say more.

Fall came, school started and I went in for my driver's test. I passed! And, the next evening, was my bible study group that I attended every week. On the way home, I got pulled over! Doing 40, in a 25 and no insurance card in the car......I was so embarrassed. But, for some odd reason, the cop let me off. Just a warning. Maybe it was because I was so cute back then! But, since my memory has failed me for moments such as that, I can't even recall whether the cop was young or old. So, I can't really use that excuse. My grandpa made me actually pay for the car - all $500 of it. I didn't think it was fair, at first, because I never wanted that kind of car to begin with. But there was no way they were letting me learn how to drive in their new Lincoln! I paid for my insurance too - Probably a good thing in the eyes of my grandpa. And, to top it off, it was named the "Tangerine" by a group of loving friends: Thanks Sana, Coco & Erin!

I drove that car all Fall and all Winter, but some days, when I wasn't working, and didn't have anywhere I needed to be, I rode the bus. On one of those days I didn't drive, and just before Spring break 1996, my grandpa picked me up from school. He normally didn't do that, but, he said there was something he wanted to show me. We ended up driving to Prineville and landed on the Miller Ford Dealership on the East side of town. When I asked what we were doing there, he said he was just looking. However, he pointed me to a silver Mercury something, the Mercury version of a Ford Tempo. He asked me what I thought of it - I told him it was cool, lots of room, no dings or dents - It was a good one. But when I asked him why he wanted my opinion, he then told me that he was thinking of buying it. "For?" I asked. "Well, you, if you like it." My heart was racing, my face must have beamed and I'm sure I let out a girly giggle too. Of course, I LOVED it! Then, I wondered how I was going to pay for that. Surely, it was more than the Datsun. It was then, that I found out that he'd already bought the car. "It's your graduation present, a little early". He saw that I was responsible enough to pay for the other car, keep a job, still do well in school, and he wanted to reward me. A tear or two may have fallen on the drive home because I was so happy. I do remember that when I got home my face hurt from smiling.

My grandfather has left such a great impression on me. He taught me all the things a father should have. He talked about the birds and the bees. He talked about boys. He talked about tying flies. He talked about finances - Oh, man were there lots of finances talk. Endearingly named The King of Penny Pincher's, his motto was "if it didn't need to be bought, then it wasn't going to be". A splurge every now and again was fine, but as long as it was paid for in cash, then all was good. That man paid for everything in cash. His cars, his houses, his boats, the motor home - EVERYTHING. Now, though he taught me some great budgeting tools while growing up, I can't say that I haven't had a credit card. Or two. Or three, four or five. But, the basics of financing he taught me well.

Bob was his name - Not Bobby, or Robert. Just Bob. His name was as simple as the life he led. My grandpa was the best father I could have ever wished for, and I'm so glad I had him for the time I did. In third grade I remember all the students in the class were asked to write something about their "hero". Having a rough early childhood, I really didn't understand what the teacher was asking, so I answered something along the lines of "Jake the Snake", WWF extraordinaire. I laugh now, as that seems about the silliest thing I could have ever written. But, at the time, I didn't know what a real hero was. However, if only I had thought about it hard enough, I would have realized that he was right there the whole time and my answer would have been a little different. So, 25 years later, I'm declaring that my grandpa is my hero; He always was, and always will be.

After the cancer took Granddad in 1999, I wondered how I'd go on to live my life. I wondered if I'd find someone that I would be confident enough, and proud enough of to have wanted to introduce to my grandpa. Of course, there wouldn't actually be a formal introduction, just stories. But, that feeling of contentment was pretty important. In 2001, I met Corey. Bachelor of all bachelors, and THE man of all men. Honestly, I wasn't sure if he'd ever settle down. But, there was something about him. It may have his sarcasm. It could have been his free spirited lifestyle. Maybe it was the way he loved me. Any way you look at it, I was in love. Tomorrow, June 9, 2011, is the ten year mark from our first date. Since that day, he's become a wonderful husband, a remarkable father, and a family man that many envy.

There's something to be said for a man who loves his children as Corey does. There isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't play with the kids. One day it might be the Corey Monster, running through the house, growling and flailing about for the children's enjoyment. Another night, he may bring out the super power fan and stick balloons in front of it to sail across the room at fun speeds. You can even see a water fight, a game of catch, a round of songs or a game on the wii before bed. But, the best thing in the world, is to see that every night before bed, each child will kiss him and hug him while wishing him a good night in a sing song voice. He loves them so much, and they love him right back. There is no question that Father's day is an important day in this household. We've got some pretty awesome dads in our neck of the woods!

Next Sunday, June 19th, is Father's Day. On that day, I will be remembering the man who became my father because he wanted to, and helped me to become the woman I am today. My children will be honoring their father, the man who answers to "Dad," "Daddy," and even "Papa" sometimes. And, I will be giving wonderful thanks to Flip, the best Father in Law that I could have ever asked for. Not only is he wonderful to me and my family, he gave me the best gift that I could have even given to my children: Their father.