A little under 4 weeks ago I got a call that my sister was missing and that the last place she was seen had become a crime scene in which detectives were saying "possible foul play" had occurred. I was numb at the first call, and had a hard time digesting the information that I was being given. Though we had plans the evening I got the call, and were, in fact, walking through the parking lot to the event, we turned around, went home and began what would be the wildest roller coaster our emotions would ever ride on.
Three days after we got notice of my baby sisters disappearance, her body was found in a forested area near Mt. Bachelor. With providence by our side, a security guard who was checking the area after a bike race, discovered her in the early evening hours of Saturday, August 7. She was murdered in one of the most brutal, senseless attacks that Deschutes County had ever seen. My baby sister lost her life at the hands of a man who claimed to be her friend. To this day, we don't understand why. But, I suppose that the reason behind her murder won't change anything for us. She's still gone. I've still lost my baby sister.
Each day of this disaster were such a mad house that I lost track of how time was passing. The first two days I was in Bend felt like an entire week. And, at the end of the second day, when trying to remember all that had happened over the previous 48 hours, it was hard to believe that so much had happened in such a short period of time. It still doesn't seem real. Reporters, television stations, detectives, FBI, funeral home directors, crime victims advocates, family and friends - I spent more time talking with people in one week than I had in years. To alleviate the pain and struggling that my mother was experiencing, I did my best to take over the media statements, the funeral home arrangements, assistance programs to help the family financially and emotionally, and calling friends and family to inform them of the horrible news. To be honest, it was so overwhelming that I hardly had time myself to grieve. To some, I must have seemed cold - detached. But it was just the drive to be the stronghold for my family so that it didn't completely fall apart.
Bobbie's funeral was last Sunday - Corey made a movie for the service and it was beautiful. It would have been exactly how she would have wanted it had she planned it herself. But planning a funeral for someone so young, for my little sister, wasn't something I'd ever imagined. In the past couple of weeks, I've had time to reflect, adjust to life without my sister, and focus on taking care of my family again. I have, however, had several moments of breakdown - Moments when it becomes hard to accept that she's really gone and to know that I'll never get a chance to tell her goodbye. I'll never get that chance to tell her how much I loved her, even though some of her decisions in life I couldn't, wouldn't support. I'll never get to tell her that all those memories that we had as children are still alive and well in my heart, and that I occasionally share some of the silly stories with my husband. She won't be here to be an aunt to my children. But, even sadder, she won't be here to be a mother to her own.
In the weeks to come, we'll be situating her sons with my mother, and making sure that they begin counseling - As much as one hates it, these boys will need it. Bobbie was cremated and her ashes are in a beautiful urn donned with marble and silver. She'll be interned in a glass case with her picture and some other sentimental trinkets at a mausoleum in Bend, Oregon. Crime Victims Advocates of Oregon has a special fund for victims and families of victims of violent crimes. They've paid to make sure that all of Bobbie's funeral costs are covered - All costs. They've been such a great support system for us during this difficult time, and plan to be there for any and all of us for as long as we need. The grieving process has been so different for each of us, and there is no rhyme or reason to our emotions now. But, it's nice to know that we all have the support of family, friends and the advocates for victims to get through what hardships are to come.
I wish I could turn back time. I wish that I could have another chance to talk to her. I wish that wishes came true. So, for now, I'll hold close the memories and feel better knowing that she was received by loving arms - Friends and family and God.
I'm sorry Bobbie. I love you. I'll see you on the other side.......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NJqUN9TClM
